Dd saying I look fat

If she's expressing the view that fat = bad I would try and approach that with calm curiosity - why does she think that?

OMFG, because it is. It’s really bad for you. Not one medic or anyone in public health is going to tell you excess fat is not a bad idea.

Has she got a school friend whose mother actually is expecting, or something like that? It may be that pregnancy has just come home to her as a concept and she's seeing "fat ladies" everywhere she looks.

Be that as it may, when I was a little girl my mother told me never to make personal remarks. Good lesson.

This ☝🏼, you said it so much better than I just did!

Sounds lovely, but wrong. Being obese is not good for you. You’re misleading a child

Definitely don’t mention anything about diets to a child, honestly 🙄. Just own it, say ‘maybe I am a bit fat, but that’s ok because everyone has different bodies and they change over time’.

Dd aged 6 has said numerous times to me this week. It's opened up discussion actually about how I agree and she has suggested exercising to get fit lol. I'd love to!

We have however discussed how it could be upsetting and never to talk to other people about things like that.

Yes I would tell me daughter she shouldn’t comment on peoples appearance, unless it’s to compliment them and even then, appearance isn’t everything.

I would tell her that all bodies look different and all bodies are good bodies, but remind her that we don't comment on other people's bodies. If she's expressing the view that fat = bad I would try and approach that with calm curiosity - why does she think that? Has she heard someone else say it? What does she think about it? Try to challenge any assumptions she's formed from hearing negative talk from others. Help her see all the amazing things your body can do - it grew babies, it carries you around all day, it lets you give her hugs, it allows you to have dance parties, etc etc. The size of your body is the least interesting thing about it, and that's true for everyone.

Is she perhaps learning about healthy eating and the impact of being overweight in school and she’s worried about your health? I wouldn’t ignore it but use it as a discussion point about healthy eating and the risks of being overweight and how it’s ok to raise worries about the health of people you love, but not ok to comment on strangers physical appearance

Said daughter is very sporty and trains a lot, one of her team mates was told by her grandpa “not to get too muscly as it wasn’t very ladylike”. Can you imagine!

Yes, I totally agree. When I was larger (still a 14 now) I made a point of behaving with total confidence on the beach in a costume or whatever because I didn’t want my kids, especially my daughter thinking you had to be slim to be happy/healthy/accomplished/loved etc. We focus on what our bodies can do instead of what they look like.

My DD said this a few times. My DN announced in front of a crowd 'why do you have such a big bum'. It was mortifying but it's a fact I have a big bum and i am fat. I told Dd that it was true but not nice to say. At 7 a child is capable of learning what is and is not acceptable. It's different when they are 3 and don't understand.

Because it is rude and hurtful. By your logic it is okay to comment on someone who is ugly, or bald or thin, or bad teeth, it is no different.

So personal remarks are fine are they?
That man has a big nose.
That lady has funny eyes.
That man is ugly because his skin is black.
Children need to be corrected when they make nasty remarks. It is not ok.

6/7 year olds are only becoming aware of differences.
They see teachers, other parents, activity coordinators, learn about healthy habits in school and make the connection.

I would maybe try a different tact. My mother was over weight and I remember people in my class commenting on it and I felt ashamed. I would sit her down and ask if it was her opinion or someone else had also mentioned it.

I think we can acknowledge our bodies for their accomplishments like having a baby. But you can be honest and say you are a little over weight and you are aware of this. By commenting on it it makes you feel x. Try to teach if someone can change it in the next 5 mins it’s ok to make a comment (like something stuck in their teeth)

Don't be absurd.

There will be a very small number of very tall/busty/wide shouldered women for whom a 16 might be their size at a normal weight.

For the vast majority, if you're a size 16, you're overweight. So yes, you're a bit too fat.

Many people consider being fat moral turpitude.

Today, my (just) five year old told me “youre fat Mummy but don’t worry because I love you lots”. So I was both pleased and upset….

What?
The fact size 16 is an average size just confirms the statistics that majority of UK population are overeweight.
Unless a woman is 185cm tall I really cannot imagine size 16 being her ideal body ffs.

I’d be careful of ‘defending’ your size as that starts the message that your value is defined by your size and fat is bad / embarrassing / offensive.

yes, remind her not to comment on people’s appearances but you could also try a neutral / lighthearted “yes I do a bit don’t I?! I’m not though so no little sister for you I’m afraid”

my parents have a very strong fat = shameful thin = superior message and I’ve had various eating disorders since I was about 14

I would 100% clamp down on this and don’t accept it as the norm or a joke you have.

In our family we -

Don’t talk about dieting or people’s weight in front of the kids

we say people are all shapes and sizes in a positive way

when much younger (and at different sizes post and pre pregnancies) my kids would touch my tummy and ask why it was wobbly and I would say ‘it grew you and my body gave birth to you and I’m proud of how strong my body is’

we try to be really body positive in front of the kids and we walk about in underwear and aren’t shy about our bodies even when heavier than we want to be (after Christmas for eg)

we never fat shame each other or anyone else.

It’s amazing how much previous generations (including my own) talk to and in front of young girls about diets, looking slim, being too big for that outfit, having big legs (even in a positive way I don’t think commenting on people’s bodies is helpful), people being fat etc. I’ve also witnessed acquaintances boys fat shaming their mums and it being laughed off as ‘cheeky’.

It’s just such a no no for me honestly and we have made massive efforts to keep it away from our kids and try to explain when they get older how that kind of body shaming is not ok.

Why are people hurt when someone says they’re fat, if they are fat. It’s just a practical issue, it’s not a moral issue or a comment about your value as a person.

And yet over 64% of UK adults are too fat.

I imagine quite a few are wearing the average dress size?

Thing is, telling kids it’s rude to comment on appearance isn’t true is it. It’s more than ok, in fact many see it as an expectation, to comment on someone’s appearance if they’re looking nice, have lost weight (which is basically saying they used to be fat), have had their hair done, etc. It’s confusing for young children and unless they’re doing it maliciously I don’t believe it’s something to make a big issue of.