Dd saying I look fat

No of course it's not morally bad, but good morals won't make you healthy. Being fat is a bad idea.

It's a very difficult problem to have though, I'm not denying that

People are fat for all sorts of reasons other than laziness and lack of self regulation...which I'm sure you know.

Being lazy and unable to self-regulate is not morally right either.

It's not morally bad. Being fat doesn't make you less worthy of respect, politeness, care and decency. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean you deserve shame or judgment or criticism. If OP's daughter is hearing otherwise, it's something for OP to explore with her so that view can be challenged.

I didn't say that you did, I said being obese is not good for you, which is different. What you did say is:

If she's expressing the view that fat = bad ......- why does she think that? ...Try to challenge any assumptions

I'm making the point, well it is bad for you. Why would you challenge that assumption - she's correct.

Being fat is not good for you, I doubt you could find any serious medical studies that take a differing view.

If you can point to where I said being obese is good for you I'll edit my comment to remove it.

Sorry OP I know it's hurt but a bit of this is just kids isn't it?
I'm a size 10/12 and my 7 year old DD sometimes says to me I'm fat and went through a phase of saying I looked pregnant. She even said a few times all her friends thought I looked pregnant! I said firmly to her not to comment on other people's bodies as it's cruel and unwanted.
I also told her I just like my food and definitely am not pregnant and she can't go round saying this to people or she won't have any friends.
So don't get upset, just be firm and tell her it is wrong.
Try not to take it to heart.

I'd tell her it's rude to comment on looks and can hurt people's feelings!

Tell her that it's rude and unkind to comment on people's body - and it's not something people do, it doesn't matter if it's true or not, you don't say it. She's old enough to understand that.

Feeling a bit shit as trying desperately to lose weight

Gently, if you are, then do it but do it now. Kids pick on everything, and she will know. It's so damaging for our children, girls especially, to be raised in an environment where their parent/ mother are obsessed with their weight, unhappy with it, and go from diet to diet.

It's completely pointless to lecture kids on how to feel comfortable in your own skin, love yourself, your body is a great when your own actions completely contradict this.

Your attitude makes such a difference. If your kid say "you look fat" and you are not, the answer is " I am not, that's what a woman looks like. Boobs and sometimes bum. (look at Marylin Monroe, very slim and beautiful, her stomach was NOT flat) Other women are just muscles and have a 6 pack or a boyish figure. Also what a woman looks like.

Agreed. I would often say things like "I'm not sad that you noticed my tummy (or whatever), because I understand my body and how it feels and works and I like who I am. At the moment I have more fat than I have at other times, but I'm sure my body will change again. But some people would be sad if you said that to them, so it is always safest not to comment on someone else's appearance unless it is a compliment."

Age dependent obviously.

I know she buys a 16 in M & S blouses & jackets simply for the bust area & shoulders, also to be fair it is a lot to do with brands.The OP mentioned size 16 which I suppose could look different according to measurements in different people & depending where you buy the clothes & what you need in the particular make.

I know the phrase is usually "comparisons are odious", but my grannie dinned into me that it was personal remarks that were odious. I shudder to think what I must have said to offend but I do remember being sat at the kitchen table with nothing to do but consider my sins.

Brands vary of course, but 39 hips rarely need a 14/16. Check some size guides, that would normally be a 12 or even a 10.

I would say that it isn’t nice to make personal comments and that ‘we’ don’t do that .

My sister is 5'6 a size 14-16 depending on the make of clothes. She has broad shoulders a 38DD bust a tiny waist & 39 hips & is stunning. She works out & has a flat tummy. People call her Jessica rabbit. There is absolutely no way she could be described as fat.

Does she hear you saying things like this and is repeating it?

Could you try saying positive things about your body or modelling good attitudes like “I really like this colour on me” when looking in the mirror?

Also - you possibly do this already - but try and keep comments about what people look like neutral.

Good luck with the weight loss - it’s so hard, but you’re being a great role model by getting to a healthy weight.

She is just describing what she says. She is not trying to offend you and you know it.
What's your BMI ?

Hmmm - is it nasty to say (without malice) that someone has a big nose if they do?

kids are kids - there are literally no undertones. My 3yo told me the other day that I had a wobbly tummy (I do) and that he was surprised I didn’t have Willy because my wee just had to come out of a hole (obviously it does).

you can tell children that it’s not nice to comment on what people look like but I also tell my children not to eat with their mouth open, it doesn’t mean they’ll do it.

woah - eta, I totally missed the ‘someone is igly because their skin is black’ comment in the post I was replying to. That’s a totally different situation. Someone’s nose being big (bigger than average) is factual. Someone being overweight is factual, someone being ‘ugly’ because their skin is black is racist and is learned. That’s in no way the same.

I cut anything like this dead with my Dd ‘we don’t mention peoples bodies or size, people come in all shapes & sizes’

I can't tell what you're trying to achieve by posting this, were you trying to support the OP? Because she (and her DD) talked about her big belly, so it doesn't sound like 'hour glass figure' applies here and you have just added to the body shaming of her and anyone else with that shape. Then you managed to have a pop at everyone else who's not a size 16.

I don't have a problem with being called fat because I am fat. However, as others have said, other people might be offended by it so you might have to explain this to her.

The only problem is that in order to explain it you will have to teach her that "fat" is considered problematic or an insult.That in itself is a bit counterintuitive because if you are teaching her to be - for want of a better word - inclusive or kind then fat should not be viewed as a problem. If fat isn't a problem she is fully entitled to call you and others "fat".

Particularly on Mumsnet!

We've always told the kids that unless they are saying something nice, you dont comment negatively on someone's appearance unless they can change it in 5 mins. For example ok to tell someone they have food in their teeth or their buttons are done up wrong but not ok to talk about someone's size, hair colour, glasses etc.

“All bodies are different. It is ok to notice that they are different, but it can upset people if you comment on it”

Or something to that measure. Body neutrality (even if you feel a certain way about yourself on a personal level) is always best with little kids because in life they will see so many different types of people and it’s important to teach them not to judge someone by the way they look. Also DD is old enough to be (gently) taught that commenting on someone’s physical appearance to their face could upset them.