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AIBU?

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DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

164 replies

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 17:16

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 08/06/2025 19:14

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 18:15

I did ask him what he meant - someone teetering around in heels wearing next to nothing in a night club was the description…

What a disgusting excuse for a man.

namechange55465 · 08/06/2025 19:14

"DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this)"

Oh trust me your DS absolutely knew this.

TheWisePlumDuck · 08/06/2025 19:13

I voted YABU.

For being married to a man who speaks that way about women in front of your son.

Uberella · 08/06/2025 19:12

So if you divorced this misogynist I take it you’d also be branded a stuck up cow and he’d be off to find a local tart to console his fragile little ego with then?

CiaoMeow · 08/06/2025 19:11

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 18:15

I did ask him what he meant - someone teetering around in heels wearing next to nothing in a night club was the description…

Oh, dear!!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 08/06/2025 19:11

I think I can guess why your sons ex didn't want to talk to him

Horrible to call her stuck up just because she was quiet
Horrible to want to use another human to cheer him up
Horrible (and stupid) to think that giving someone 'tough love' the week they break up with their gf will somehow help them get over it
Horrible to not even think about apologising when he realised that he'd upset your son knowing he had already had a difficult week

misskatamari · 08/06/2025 19:10

Im sorry have I woken up in the 1970s!?! Wtaf?? What man with an I’m guessing teenage son, talks this sort of utter bullshit in this day and age!? I’m actually agog! So unreasonable and just idiotic misogynistic crap!

Easyonaweekend · 08/06/2025 19:07

never in a month of Sundays, would my beloved dad have EVER described a
woman as a cow.

Dingalingalong · 08/06/2025 19:06

It's not tough love, it's misogynistic af! Your DH behaved like a prick and your son knows better, tbh. I'd be furious at DH, personally.

FuglyBitch · 08/06/2025 19:02

I feel sorry for your DD to have to hear a parent speak about women in that way

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 08/06/2025 19:00

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 18:15

I did ask him what he meant - someone teetering around in heels wearing next to nothing in a night club was the description…

So I read your opening post and immediately voted that your D(ickhead)H is a twat and then I read this update and now I am fuming! You absolutely need to pull your H up over this and make it clear to eldest DS you don't agree with what has been said and that he has your support if he wants to talk. You also need to speak to your DD who witnessed this atrocious conversation and reassure her as well that her dad is an arsehole and was totally wrong in what he said

Endofyear · 08/06/2025 18:59

Uuughhh your husband sounds like an arsehole 😡 don't blame your DS for not wanting to speak to him, if I were you I'd be pretty disgusted with him.

GrassRainbows · 08/06/2025 18:56

Jesus. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is a misogynist pig.

It sounds possible that your DS is growing up with better manners, thank goodness.

Let's hope your DD somehow manages not to internalise that this is an acceptable way for men to talk about women (including her) and accept this treatment herself. No doubt your DH would be outraged at the very thought and completely fail to realise his contribution to her low self-esteem.

godmum56 · 08/06/2025 18:47

My usual question really...what does your husband bring to the party? because its deffo not emotional intelligence.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 08/06/2025 18:45

Sodthesystem · 08/06/2025 17:21

Ick.

Is he Jays' dad from The Inbetweeners?

Why has the laugh emoji gone 😂😂

Gyozas · 08/06/2025 18:41

How do you feel about your husband being a misogynistic prick @HanTalks?

Is he very ‘common’ or lacking in education?

Pickled21 · 08/06/2025 18:40

Your ds had got higher standards than his dad and that's not in any way a bad thing. I'd be appalled if my dh used that kind of language to describe women. What a loser you are lumbered with. At the very least he needs to apologise to your son.

DuesToTheDirt · 08/06/2025 18:37

@Never2many On the face of it your husband was an arsehole. But….
If someone posts on here that they have broken up with a man, then it’s not unusual for posters to call that man a prick, twat, tosser, cunt an so on, and that’s seemingly considered to be ok.

But saying it to the person's face is quite different. He is not only insulting the ex-girlfriend, he is also insulting his son's taste in women and his judgement.

it’s also not unusual for people to attempt to find bad points about someone who has just broken up with someone in order to attempt to make the other person feel better.

Perhaps, but not so bluntly or rudely. And it would be better to be led by the son as to how he feels about her now, rather than jumping in with such a nasty comment.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 08/06/2025 18:36

Jesus your DH sounds awful - what a terrible thing to say to your own son! Just because she was shy?! I'm not surprised she found it difficult to talk around the table at meals etc if this is an example of your DH's behaviour.

MummaMummaMumma · 08/06/2025 18:34

Nice husband.

LBFseBrom · 08/06/2025 18:33

You are not unreasonable, your husband was both tactless and extremely vulgar, not a way to talk to his son.

MrsKeats · 08/06/2025 18:32

ginasevern · 08/06/2025 18:27

"Find a local tart"

I couldn't live with a man who degraded women and used such vile language. The girlfriend clearly wasn't entertaining enough for his caveman ego. God almightly. My only advice is to do yourself and your kids a favour and pack his bags. This can't be the first inkling of his archaic misogynistic views either. What a cunt.

I completely agree.

UndermyShoeJoe · 08/06/2025 18:31

Imagine now everytime your daughter wears a skirt is her dad thinking she’s a tart… her friends experimenting with outfits. Tarts.

When he goes oh you can’t go dressed out like that… he means you look like a tart. The type men should sleep with to get over being sad.

I would bet good money your husbands tart searching eyes have pondered on her a little too much making her the uncomfortable shy person in your families company.

InterestedDad37 · 08/06/2025 18:31

Is your husband from the 1970s? 🤔

Greyhound98 · 08/06/2025 18:29

Sherararara · 08/06/2025 18:01

Your DH sounds common as muck. I imagine the gf was quiet around him as she thought he had the iq of a donkey.

Edited

That’s quite the insult to donkeys, which are known as emotionally intelligent creatures with a deep awareness of their surroundings.
This man sounds like a Harry Enfield character and someone to be embarrassed of.

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