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Original poster

DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

164 replies

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 17:16

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 08/06/2025 21:11

I'd be asking him straight what kind of relationship he wants with his kids when they are adults as at the moment he's showing them that when they are upset he'll be a sexist pig who insults people that they love and will make vile misogynist remarks. Not a dad they are likely to want to be close to.

Gyozas · 08/06/2025 21:07

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 20:05

I certainly don’t approve of the tart language and DH is well aware of that.

Sadly, his view seems to be that DS is only young so the relationship was never going to be a long term one which is why he is so flippant about it.

He was brought up in a ‘just get on with it’ kind of manner when it comes to these sort of things. He says he is ‘old school’ but I’ve pointed out that just because his parents had that approach, it doesn’t mean he has to copy it.

Edited

How do you stand it, OP? Your husband is a backward, uneducated, misogynistic, rude, insecure little scumbag. I’d be ashamed. I’m really sorry.

Tina294 · 08/06/2025 20:54

Your husband sounds grim tbh OP. Insulting his ds's very newly ex GF and then suggesting he pick up a 'local tart'. That's not a 'fudge of words' IMO it's a complete lack of emotional intelligence and vile misogyny.

FiveShelties · 08/06/2025 20:53

Guavafish1 · 08/06/2025 17:21

Insensitive but I don’t think it meant any harm.

Good job he did not mean any harm then🤔

Franpie · 08/06/2025 20:51

I don’t think I’d want to talk much at the dinner table with your DH so can’t blame the exGF for that.

pizzaHeart · 08/06/2025 20:50

Just to add that of course the GF knew about this attitude of your DH, it’s usually obvious that’s why she was shy and quiet, and there is a possibility that it contributed to their break up.

MathNotMathing · 08/06/2025 20:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pizzaHeart · 08/06/2025 20:45

Your DH completely misunderstood why your DS was upset, it wasn’t about him being super sensitive, it was about your DH showing very unpleasant misogynistic attitude. Of course not being understanding, supportive and minimizing DS’s feelings contributed as well but it wasn’t the last straw.
At some point of our life we start judging our parents if they are worth our respect or not. Im sure it wasn’t the first time your DH behaved like this, your DS just couldn’t tolerate it any more.

loopylalalu · 08/06/2025 20:33

I would have had a come back to that op like this.
Find a tart to cheer yourself up is that what you done when your ex left you you found me.

YerArseInParsley · 08/06/2025 20:32

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 17:16

Our eldest DS has been in a relationship for the past two years, which ended suddenly this week. I am not overly clear on the details and am trying not to ask him too much at the moment.

DH never liked his girlfriend (not that our DS knew this), and found her hard work in terms of her being a bit quiet (possibly shy) and not someone who made a great deal of conversation when at ours for meals etc.

Anyway, at the dinner table last night DS was quiet and gave a blunt answer to a question I asked him about his day.

DH then said to him ‘cheer up son, you’ll be better off without the stuck up cow’ and suggested he goes out with his mates to find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up.

DS walked off from the table and has refused to speak to DH since.

DH is refusing to apologise and said he needs tough love at his age now. I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances.

AIBU for disagreeing with my DH here?

Wow what a c-unt your DH is.

So she's hard work and a stuck up cow because she's shy and hardly talks?

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 08/06/2025 20:31

As others have said, horrible thing to say to your son. But you already knew that OP.

Skippydoodle · 08/06/2025 20:27

Never2many · 08/06/2025 18:05

Hmm.

On the face of it your husband was an arsehole. But….

If someone posts on here that they have broken up with a man, then it’s not unusual for posters to call that man a prick, twat, tosser, cunt an so on, and that’s seemingly considered to be ok.

it’s also not unusual for people to attempt to find bad points about someone who has just broken up with someone in order to attempt to make the other person feel better.

He went about it in an insensitive way, but that may have been his intention.

An he was entitled to not like her. I mean if she didn’t engage when she was round there then I’d say she was rude. And it certainly wouldn’t be behaviour that would be considered acceptable if it was someone’s DD’s boyfriend rather than girlfriend.

As for posters saying the son should never speak to him again, what a dramatic overreaction.

You just posted exactly what I was thinking. I was just reading through the replies mentally noting all the vile comments towards the naughty man, who I believe made a fudge of his words, with the best intentions. We are not all very eloquent, especially in our own homes with those who know us best.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/06/2025 20:20

HanTalks · 08/06/2025 18:15

I did ask him what he meant - someone teetering around in heels wearing next to nothing in a night club was the description…

Show quote history

I couldn’t be with someone that said that to his son, in front of his young daughter and thought SO little of women. Yuck.

Maybethisallthereis · 08/06/2025 20:11

Nice example to set to a young man!
He needs to sort himself out and apologise to your poor son!

Orderofthephoenixparody · 08/06/2025 20:10

I bet she's moved on quickly that's why your son is pissed she met someone else.

Cherrytree86 · 08/06/2025 20:09

You are married to a misogynist OP @HanTalks

SENNeeds2 · 08/06/2025 20:09

You missed the bit where you explained your husband is a caveman.

Dingalingalong · 08/06/2025 20:08

Trendyname · 08/06/2025 20:05

So your dh failed to say something nice to his heartbroken son, managed to upset him and also made his dd feel uncomfortable by calling women tart and cow.

Yup. And that's got nothing to do with the 'just get on with it' attitude the OP mentione, imo.

Cherrysoup · 08/06/2025 20:08

‘Local tart’?! Does he think he’s in the Sweeney?! What a wanker. In front of your dd, too. Jesus.

Trendyname · 08/06/2025 20:05

So your dh failed to say something nice to his heartbroken son, managed to upset him and also made his dd feel uncomfortable by calling women tart and cow.

Original poster
HanTalks · 08/06/2025 20:05

I certainly don’t approve of the tart language and DH is well aware of that.

Sadly, his view seems to be that DS is only young so the relationship was never going to be a long term one which is why he is so flippant about it.

He was brought up in a ‘just get on with it’ kind of manner when it comes to these sort of things. He says he is ‘old school’ but I’ve pointed out that just because his parents had that approach, it doesn’t mean he has to copy it.

OP posts:
Trendyname · 08/06/2025 20:00

Guavafish1 · 08/06/2025 17:21

Insensitive but I don’t think it meant any harm.

What exactly it meant?

Trendyname · 08/06/2025 19:59

TomatoSandwiches · 08/06/2025 17:18

YABU for having married such a chauvinistic prick, I wouldn't blame your DS if he chose not to talk to the troglodyte again.

Second this.

whiteorchids44 · 08/06/2025 19:55

"I’ve told DH he was out of order and should have been more sensitive especially given we don’t know the full circumstances."

I think you have a bigger problem than your DS not talking to your DH. Why aren't you livid that he has views about women in this manner?
His comments were misogynistic, chauvinistic and derogatory.
Your DH is supposed to be a good example to your DS and DD.
Why didn't you tell him he was also out of order to say this about women as he also has a DD to think about. Please don't enable this behaviour. Your DD will see how you tolerate this behaviour in males.
Sounds like your DS's GF made a very lucky escape.

Dweetfidilove · 08/06/2025 19:54

Women who say little are stuck up cows.

It's okay to use the 'local tart' as a receptacle to help relieve your sadness after a breakup.

It's okay to pass on your shitty chauvinistic ideas on to your young son.

It's okay to teach his daughter he has little respect for women and it's fine for men to use them for light relief.

Top man your husband is. Pity he didn't choke on his vile tongue ☹️

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