DH has upset our eldest following their relationship break up

This thread just gets worse. Behaving appallingly and calling it character building is so wrong on so many levels. Your poor son- he sounds the more mature one. Your husband sounds a vindictive arse to be honest who doesn't ever think he is wrong. I hope you are defending your son from this vitriol.

So sad.

Your son has been conditioned to accept that he is wrong is being upset, and his father is right and "building his character" by being vile

Op that’s terrible can he hear himself?

Personally, I find YABVVU for only "disagreeing" with the way your NAADH talked.
I would gag if I had to kiss a mouth that would say those disgusting words.😬💩

I'd tell him to fuck off back to the 1970's. In front of DD so she knows it's not acceptable.

If he didn't like it, id tell him to "just get over it".

Old school insensitivity would probably be something like 'plenty of other fish in the sea'. Not misogynistic references to 'stuck up cows' and 'local tarts'. His attitude to women is very concerning.

I'd ask DH to leave if he used language like that. He's a misogynist.

As others have said "stuck up cow", "local tart", refusing to apologise, and all because he's 'old school', notwithstanding that he has no respect for someone who is quiet and might be shy.

Where to start op.

Do you know why they split up?< Whilst they are far too young, perhaps she saw no future with your son because she didn't want to be involved with someone with a pig ignorant, misogynistic father!

You say your ds is 18. I hope very much the break up isn't in the middle of A'Levels.

Your DH sounds like a piece of work. Why do you stay with him? He sounds like he's about 75 and wears a pork pie hat but I bet he isn't. I bet he's mid 40s, has a tattoo, a shaved head, doesn't read much and voted Reform for all the wrong reasons.

Do forgive me, how very judgemental. Just like your DH actually - not nice is it.

FWIW my DH is 'old school'. Traditional, can be a bit serious, never offends, kind, moral, hard working. Your DH would undoubtedly think him too quiet and a bit stuck up.

I say it very rarely @HanTalks but, honestly, leave the bastard.

I hope your dh isn’t sharing your bed tonight after suggesting his son find a local tart. The floor would be too good for him after that comment

Yeah I’m more concerned about you and the fact you don’t seem to really understand what kind of man you married. Your kids seem to know though!

Your husband is disgusting. I’d be horrified if he spoke to my teenager like that.

18 is still kind of a child. Or at least in an in-between space. I think you need to talk to your husband about how inappropriate this was if you can.

Those are awful comments; especially perhaps the one about the 'local tart'. And in front of his teenage daughter, no less!

It sounds as though your dh's attitude may have contributed to the break-up in the first place. And if he doesn't shape up, he'll be the FIL from hell in a decade or so, and probably his children and grandchildren will avoid him as much as they can.

'...find a ‘local tart’ to cheer him up'.

What a disgusting thing to say.

The disrespect for women / misogyny of your husband's comments struck me above all. How dare he speak about women so disgustingly? What is he teaching your son on that front by speaking that way?!

I understand your DH wanted to cheer your son up a bit but to call the ex a name and tell him to look for a ‘local tart’ is just an awful way to talk about women. Your DH is missing the point of he thinks the issue is his tough love hasn’t been taken well, it’s the fact the way he is talking about women is massively disrespectful and he should be embarrassed.

I wouldn't be with someone who thought it was appropriate to talk about women like that. He owes your son and daughter an apology.

How old is your son? Like others, I think this is really inappropriate and I don't blame your son for not wanting to listen to it.

I think I’d have to immediately divorce him. Sexist pig. No wonder she was quiet around him!

Your H isn't 'old school,' OP. He's a misogynistic, rude, insensitive arsehole.

I suspect that wasn't the first comment he's made like that, and your DS's GF possibly had enough of being around someone like that.

So a woman wearing heels and short skirts is a tart according to your sexist pig of a husband.

This is so sad. Managing very intense emotions during a breakup is a really important skill to learn.

Your DS needs a dad who can share how crap it feels, and how it's OK to feel bad and that time will help.

This is important relationship building for your DS to recover and for your DH to get closer to your son.

I'm sorry this has happened. Your son needed sympathy and support from his dad and didn't get it. I hope you can help with his emotional state and you absolutely were not being unreasonable.

Oh dear! Calm explanation that if, when his son is clearly upset, dad comes out with thunderingly insensitive comments, said son is liable to avoid talking to him about very much at all that matters? And he might not get to meet the next girlfriend.