Sitting in a Premier Inn

I’m hoping by the time I get back tomorrow evening he’s at the realising stage and I’ve not had to go through the drama

I think it would be a very good idea if, when he does apologise, you told him that an apology doesn’t mean anything anymore and you’re rapidly getting to the stage where you no longer care if he’s sorry or not. And then walk into a different room. Let him be concerned about your reactions for a change.

I’m hoping by the time I get back tomorrow evening he’s at the realising stage and I’ve not had to go through the drama.

id text hi tomorrow after leaving work

is the sulking finished yet?

Sometimes people just need to withdraw and need some distance-a couple of the ones I know were eventually diagnosed with either AuDHD I think (not very close to one of them, and it might have been ADHD), another said she was a introvert anyway and just needed to withdraw at times, but was fine otherwise. I used to think how people reacted was my fault, but sometimes just letting them be works best (and maybe getting help from a professional); if they're a good person most of the time, but sometimes they "just can't", I don't take it personally.

I was married to one of these - they don't improve,

Now I'm divorced and someone else is putting up with it !

Time to put your foot down and tell him the next time he sulks, he'll be the one leaving permanently.

Hope your kids don't carry this behaviour or acceptance of it into their marriages when the time comes.

Rather than 3 nights spread across a year in a PI, maybe just do a second night this time, and if he doesn’t grovel, make it three nights before you go back and pack a bigger bag and leave it by the front door.

Oh, obviously, I meant pack the bigger bag with his things 😉

OP, I think you deserve better than a Premier Inn. Was there nothing with a pool/spa/bar available?

Had a big dessert.

What does he sulk about, and does he only do it to you? If so he can control it and choses not to.

Must be shitty being on edge not knowing if or when the next sulk will come, how long it will last, taking care not to do anything to "provoke" one and then all that performance afterwards. On repeat. Utterly draining.

Don't have that conversation agaiorwhen you get back, or mop up tears. Just say you've heard it all before, don't want to be insulted further by hearing it all again and he needs to get his act together and stop this abusive behaviour.

Perfectly reasonable. You're only taking your cue from his behaviour - he acts like he doesn't want you around, you're not around. Enjoy the break!

Good on you! Gah how I can’t stand (some) men and their bloody moods. Sulking or shouty or just plain withdrawn or whatever it is - so many men seem to think that loudly displaying their emotions is just dandy while most of us women feel
responsible for the mood of the room. It’s controlling is what it is.

Messed up the quote, which was another poster talking about how their mum behaved like this!

And same. I’m sure the kids must have noticed over the years. It totally affected how I feel about my mother, he should think carefully about that.

Make sure you don't reply to any messages OP!

My ex started a sulk on the way to a BBQ with mates. I knew I was going to be in for a passive aggressive night with him creating a weird atmosphere around our friends, so I got off the bus, told him to go by himself and went out to Chinatown by myself. He went back home but I didn't go back until late at night. Glorious! He seemed to get the message. Left him for other reasons.

It sounds bloody wonderful O.P and I can't tell you how many times I have nearly done the same. Enjoy every minute of your evening. Enjoy your wine, peace and quiet and dinner! X

You are not U, stonewalling is abuse.

God that sounds fabulous. And peace and quiet too.

This
my ex did the same constantly
narcissistic toxic behaviour

Good for you, OP.
I think you should explain it to the kids though.

Enjoy your time out OP!

Enjoy a few days without the big sulk.. nice wine food lovely bubbly bath... just leave him to his mood .
Tell him maybe we need space in the future see what his reaction is to that .
Stop doing this or it's only going one way .

Sulking to punish you and deigning to end the discipline when you've shown enough emotion is awful. He needs therapy to deal with his inability to deal with emotion and punishing his family. You could too to come up with coping strategies and a plan for your own emotional well being.

"Let him".

Sulking is punishment. Not knowing what is going to set him off and living in limbo for when it happens is no way to live.

When I first moved in with my other half we had very different styles. At home, we shouted and got over things. Ohs parents still have a few weeks each year when they don't speak to one another.

DH stopped speaking to me twice, for two weeks. At the end of the time he had buried it all and was ready to move on. I was furious. I said no more. If it happened again I would leave. They can chose to behave like that and stop speaking. I can chose how to finish the row, or if I even want to.