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Original poster

Sitting in a Premier Inn

240 replies

sittinginapremierinn · 08/06/2025 16:32

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

OP posts:
Nikki75 · 09/06/2025 21:04

Is it a sulk or is he depressed.

Original poster
sittinginapremierinn · 09/06/2025 21:01

I don’t understand sulking, I don’t get it, it seems to make the sulker as miserable as the person they are sulking with. And like @saltinesandcoffeecupssays they don’t know why they do it.

leaving for the night definitely had an impact. However, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Packing while in a temper, while pretending to not be in a temper, with work in the morning is actually quite hard. I’m going to have a ‘go bag’ sorted which would be useful for weekends away. I’m looking at hotels in the area so I know what they have - you don’t usually look at hotels near your own home. I’ll set up a little sulk fun fund - so I have the cash stashed somewhere.
I think if I have this all sorted, I’ll be able to navigate issues with a bit less emotion effort, a bit less emotional labour. If I have the knowledge I can just up sticks and go, it will give me a bit more power which will take the wind out his sails. Although, he is promising he is going to try to stop it happening again.

OP posts:
chatgptsbestmate · 09/06/2025 20:50

I thought that often, not always, people who sulk or use silence as a weapon, have narcissist tendencies

OriginalUsername2 · 09/06/2025 20:48

I like your style!

Other women struggling with their partners should take note of this - it’s basic cause and effect. His sulking used to cause you to pander to him eventually so he got a positive effect. Now it’s causing you to go off and have a lovely evening and he’s left alone so it’s a negative for him.

It will be interesting to see if he can change his behaviour after all, now that he isn’t rewarded for it.

Twelftytwo · 09/06/2025 20:43

He's a fool.
Because what happens is that over time you develop contempt for his immature childish ways, and it erodes any love that was there, speaking from experience!

Then one day you will leave and not come back/ask him to leave, and he will say he didn't see it coming, and will bitterly not regret changing his behaviour earlier, but it will be too late.

caringcarer · 09/06/2025 20:32

28Fluctuations · 08/06/2025 16:33

Good for you. Stay a few days and give yourself a proper break.

Yep, leave the sulker and enjoy the break. He needs to grow up.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/06/2025 20:28

Time to look up some plush fancy hotels to have on standby for the next one. He'll soon snap out of it if you're living it up in an expensive hotel every time he sulks!

I'd go straight to the hotel every. single. time.

Eddielizzard · 09/06/2025 20:25

It's just not true. He only does it with you, so he's quite capable of switching it on and off. It's a form of abuse - withholding communication in order to get you to toe the line. You're on egg shells in case you trigger another sulk.

I think removing yourself is exactly the right thing to do. It's taking the air out of his sulk by depriving him of your attention. He likes you grovelling and crying and making a fuss of him. Hence the poor poor ppooooooooorrrr meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

LivelyMintViper · 09/06/2025 20:22

Well done! A measured response that looks as if it's going to be effective. It'd be great if the next hotel has a spa and Jacuzzi...

MarySueSaidBoo · 09/06/2025 20:18

Does he treat family members/work colleagues to the sulk too?

I'm sorry but I think I'd have laughed out loud at the self help books. Remind him he needs to read them as well as the token exhibition of buying them.

honeyrider · 09/06/2025 20:08

Does he sulk at work or with friends?

Original poster
sittinginapremierinn · 09/06/2025 20:01

Long conversation. He doesn’t know why he does it, he acknowledges it is an issue. He doesn’t know how to get out of the spiral when the sulk starts.
My trip to the premier inn means I avoided more sulking and the self pitying stage and that works for me. The shock of me going has speeded the process from sulk to him realising there is a problem. I’ve not shed a tear and actually had quite a nice evening - I’m seriously considering the suggestions about nicer hotels.
He doesn’t know how to get out of the sulk spiral so if it happens again I’m off to a hotel and just avoiding it.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/06/2025 17:26

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 17:14

but WHY do you go into a big sulk???

Show quote history

Fuck if I know 🤷‍♀️

It usually lasts for a day maybe two at it’s longest then I snap out of it. I’m generally easygoing and upbeat otherwise.

I promise I’m not eeyore ‘woe is me-ing’ all the time 😁

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 17:17

@sittinginapremierinn on your return home, the least wee sign of sulkiness still remaining, I would turn on my heels and return to a better hotel and use the joint credit card!! and he had better be making the dinner for the rest of the week!!

Blackdow · 09/06/2025 17:15

sittinginapremierinn · 09/06/2025 16:35

@LaaLaaLadyIt will be tiresome until he gets himself sorted. The issue is, is it worth it waiting till he’s sorted. On the whole over 20+ years the answer is probably yes, at this particular moment in time I’m not sure.

This is what trial separation is for. You set a timeframe and tell him to go to therapy during that time frame. He needs to prove he will stop this, so he needs to actually put work into it.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/06/2025 17:14

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/06/2025 16:35

I don’t think either of you are right or wrong.

Sometimes a person just needs a good sulk. I’ve gotten better at recognizing mine and declaring “I’m not fit to be around others” which lets my DH know it’s me that’s the problem and not him. I’d be unimpressed by anyone trying to pull me out of it and really just want to be left alone to wallow until I work it out of my system.

‘At the same time nobody else should be made to suffer because of my sulk. So as I said I remove myself from the situation. You did the right thing by not putting up with it.

but WHY do you go into a big sulk???

LaaLaaLady · 09/06/2025 17:09

I'd tell him that, that unless something changes you can't continue like this. Tell him you don't want to hear his sob story anymore, that he makes a change or you'll be making a bigger change. You shouldn't have to live like this? It's exhausting being around so much negativity

springintoaction321 · 09/06/2025 17:04

Whoops. Just read your latest update. He does sound very contrite 😅. Your description of him being the sorriest person in sorryland made me laugh 😁.

I'm thinking you still need the wine at least...

springintoaction321 · 09/06/2025 17:00

sittinginapremierinn · 08/06/2025 16:36

I’m going to get a takeout and a bottle of wine.

That sounds like just the ticket. Enjoy! I cannot abide a sulker.

We get ratty and bicker but generally make up before too long.

DangerousPills · 09/06/2025 16:37

Good luck OP. I hope he gets the message now.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/06/2025 16:35

I don’t think either of you are right or wrong.

Sometimes a person just needs a good sulk. I’ve gotten better at recognizing mine and declaring “I’m not fit to be around others” which lets my DH know it’s me that’s the problem and not him. I’d be unimpressed by anyone trying to pull me out of it and really just want to be left alone to wallow until I work it out of my system.

‘At the same time nobody else should be made to suffer because of my sulk. So as I said I remove myself from the situation. You did the right thing by not putting up with it.

Original poster
sittinginapremierinn · 09/06/2025 16:35

@LaaLaaLadyIt will be tiresome until he gets himself sorted. The issue is, is it worth it waiting till he’s sorted. On the whole over 20+ years the answer is probably yes, at this particular moment in time I’m not sure.

OP posts:
LaaLaaLady · 09/06/2025 16:31

You don't sound like you want to go home...

Original poster
sittinginapremierinn · 09/06/2025 16:28

So far he’s following his script - honestly I could write it. Also, many thanks to all of you who have or have had sulking partners and get it.
The script = an email saying he is so sorry, he can’t believe he’s done it again. It’s self pitying, whining. He’s awful, he knows he’s done wrong. Woe! Woe! He’s made everyone miserable and it’s all his fault. That’s one of the reasons I left last night I can not be arsed with the self pitying. He’s sorry, so sorry, he’s the sorriest person in sorry land.

I emailed saying sorry doesn’t count for anything. Not interested in sorry. What - specifically - is he going to do or do I need bother night in my Premier inn?

Email 2. He’s written a list of things he needs to change, he’s bought several self help books off Amazon, he’s going to write down his triggers so if he starts to do it again he can stop himself.
Based on that I’ve agreed to come home tonight. Hmmmmm

OP posts:
DangerousPills · 09/06/2025 15:39

Very OT, but people are mentioning room service. Do any Premier Inns do room service? I have stayed at loads and never seen this. Not even at the new ones. What am I missing?!!

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