Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sitting in a Premier Inn

240 replies

sittinginapremierinn · 08/06/2025 16:32

Was I unreasonable to just walk out - only for the night probably

Married 25 years to a sulker. As they all say, 95% on the time decent bloke, does his share, helped with the kids and dogs. But and it’s a big but every now and then he finds a reason to sulk. He pulls his faces, silent treatment, he’s ‘fine’, creates an atmosphere. I usually try to ignore, try to engage, wait it out etc. When he comes out of it he apologises and says he doesn’t know why he does it.

He’s been sulking all weekend for some misdemeanour I’ve committed, I don’t know what. I’ve lost it, booked a premier inn and walked out. He can sort out the sulk himself. Told the kids (18 and 23) I’m fine I just need a break. Packed a bag will go to work from here tomorrow.

I deserve better than that.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Kickaway · 11/11/2025 20:17

He sulks until I crack, I start crying, I lose my temper, I attempt to reason with him. It’s power, he wants me to need him. Then he apologises and (sometimes) starts crying, there’s drama and all we talk about is him and how he wants to change.

gross
just gross

Kickaway · 11/11/2025 20:16

Married 25 years to a sulker.

he sulks until I crack

What a way to live

and your kids will either think this is acceptable behaviour or think WTF is going on between mum and dad and why is dad such a fuck*ng sod to her

Ploptwerp · 11/11/2025 17:57

It’s something of a miracle that you sucked this up for so many years OP

sittinginapremierinn · 11/11/2025 16:54

@Byekavita yes I’ve done a few things but nothing big. I want to go away to a nice hotel, or do a short city break on my own. I’ve always needed people around me and I want to stretch myself, it’s about me as much as him. I want to prove I can do it and if he wants to do something that’s brilliant.

I hope it’s not growing apart more growing up.

OP posts:
Byekavita · 11/11/2025 14:43

After my night away I discussed in general how doing something on my own was enjoyable and I’d like to spend some time away to re charge in a non confrontational way

and have you managed to do things inc your own since then Op without him getting in an arse with you? @sittinginapremierinn

vickylou78 · 10/11/2025 21:55

Great update! Thank you for coming back. Sounds like he is really trying.

I was a but if a sulker when I was young (not extreme like your DH) but I did sulk and it did make everyone miserable. I snapped out of it by time I was 25ish, think it must have dawned on me that it didn’t achieve anything. I think it sounds really good that he went for a walk instead of a sulk,, then hopefully when he gets back a conversation. I think it’s great progress! Well done for standing your ground and going to hotel to get space.

sittinginapremierinn · 10/11/2025 19:06

@Overdonecabbage nope not gone back to the PI.
@Lucyliesdown yep he is reading through the books.
@Arraminta he is trying to change.

Update. He’s trying to change, not had a big sulk since I spent my night in the Premier Inn. Couple of times we had a disagreement about something and he started to slip into the sulk, I pointed this out and he managed to to drag himself back. It wasn’t like fairy dust and he smiled and frolicked, but he realised what was happening and went for a walk and tried to get over it.

He is aware of triggers and we discuss them, we’ve done this before though.

After my night away I discussed in general how doing something on my own was enjoyable and I’d like to spend some time away to re charge in a non confrontational way. I think it occurred to him that I could actually manage on my own.

Basically, it does seem to have been a significant shock, my bag is still packed and I have a plan if a sulk starts. I wish I’d done something like this years ago rather than trying to patch things up and just hoping it would improve.

OP posts:
Ducklove · 05/11/2025 09:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 05/11/2025 09:17

SarahaWhyRose · 05/11/2025 09:14

True

Thanks for clarifying. Hope you're OK.
Ducky can rest high on her laurels that I was wrong.

SarahaWhyRose · 05/11/2025 09:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

True

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 08:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 05/11/2025 08:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

🤨

What Are You Talking About Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's Creek
Ducklove · 05/11/2025 08:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 05/11/2025 08:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well no.1 I don't have a daughter, and no. 2 I just read the post differently... what's your problem?
Unless the PP comes back to say one way or another we'll have to agree we took different meanings from the post. No sure why that deserves the snark from you @Ducklove Confused

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 08:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GeorgesMarvelousCalpol · 05/11/2025 07:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I'm going to guess Saraha was a pain the arse and mum had enough, judging by her own words.
Edit: and has now grown up and realised that she was difficult and moody, so no longer is.

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 07:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SarahaWhyRose · 05/11/2025 07:07

My mum went to a hotel - a very high end hotel not a chain hotel - back in December 1994 because she’d forced me to go to uni and I hated it and obviously unhappy and I came back for the hols and was in a bad mood and very passive aggressive. She’d had enough and booked a hotel.

Ducklove · 05/11/2025 06:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

zingally · 03/11/2025 16:57

Honestly, good for you!

My mum was a grade A sulker during my childhood. It was horrible.

The idea of having a "go bag" ready is a good one, and something I honestly think everyone should have. I packed one when my dad had a nervous breakdown, because I had a feeling I'd need to be able to get to him quickly. I had everything in it enough for 2 nights. Right down to shoes, toothbrush/toothpaste, and 2 full outfits. That bag was a saviour more than once.

Overdonecabbage · 03/11/2025 15:39

Have you found yourself back at the premier inn since your thread OP @sittinginapremierinn ?

MJQs · 12/07/2025 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Have I just gone into a parallel universe? What are you on about?

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:37

@Tiredandtiredagain you do realise that this is not your thread don’t you?

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you the OP? 😕

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.