DP’s child’s mother not having boundaries

Omg.

Not wrong though.
my body, my choice comes with my body my consequences.

Omg.

Exactly - if the woman did not want a child she should have used contraception. She sure as hell should not be badgering her one night stand. This sounds like a desperate woman trying to hook a man.

Sorry to be blunt, but this woman sounds as though she wants 'more' from her one night stand.
Did she get pregnant deliberately? Because she wanted a boyfriend and by not taking responsibility for contraception?
If that is not the case she should have terminated the pregnancy.

If you say that the ONS bit could be a lie and that actually there was more of a relationship which would explain the mums behaviour, would you agree that, if indeed it was a one night stand, the mother’s behaviour is unreasonable?

I'm not asking you to. I'm merely suggesting it's a possibility which could explain somewhat the child's mothers behaviour.

I am not going to make up alternative scenarios.

Maybe it wasn't just a ONS.

Hi OP,

obviously calling over and over and late at night isn’t ok, but from what you have said, it really sounds as though she is struggling. Despite it being right that they have 50/50 custody, as a mum this can be really difficult, every day something new and or scary can happen, there is no guidebook, and some cope better than others.

I have health anxiety, and even now with a 12 year old (separated 9 years) I have to talk myself down from calling dad if something is wrong, nobody shares your love and fears for your child like the other parent.

perhaps she would like a more involved co-parenting relationship, if this was a one night stand, even more to be anxious about as she really doesn’t know the father, won’t know his thoughts or behaviours in different situations, I was with my sons dad 13 years, and so I feel safe having him as a co-parent, it’s would be so hard not to have that.

i get that it’s probably annoying and feels all about setting boundaries but you might find a bit of kindness gets you a lot further towards what you want.

Every word here.

There is no obligation nor ongoing duty of care to a ONS partner.

There is one to the resulting child.

OP has stated earlier that when he refused to enter a relationship with DSDs mum, she took him to court for full custody, presumably as retaliation or to try and force a relationship so he could still see his child. Thats how he got 50/50.

The mum sounds obsessed.

@Blessthismess2

You seem to think you know some “magic words” and if you repeat them often enough it will make you right. That is not how it works you have to make a coherent argument. Repeating “misogyny” and “patriarchy” are not magic solutions for your lack of consistency in your position.

You must be a very entitled person in real life to not see how entitled this women is. Normal people know that other people owe you nothing beyond the bare legal minimum. If you want functional human relationships you have to go out find those people and be worthy of a positive relationship. If you behave badly towards people you will not find many healthy relationships. You don’t get to emotionally dump on someone one else because you feel like it. You need to have fostered the friendship where the person wants to listen to you.

The reason this being a ONS matters is there was no agreement between them to have a child, no relationship that subsequently broke down, this was an accident and she chose to keep the child. He wants to fulfil his obligations to the child. He has no obligation to her. Just as she has no obligation to him if he gets upset.

You seem fixated on the ONS as if it make her a “sex robot” but as they both knew it was a ONS then was she treating him as a sex robot? Was she reducing him to his sexuality? Or does you logic only run one way? (OK, we have all see that it does).

You want him to hold obligations that only exist in your head.

“You do realise that sex isn’t the only thing that defines a relationship or an emotional attachment right?”

How do you not see you are arguing against yourself. The only connection was the sex they had and the consequence of a child. They weren’t friends, a couple or married no ongoing emotional bond at all. You have a gay friend who agreed to be a sperm donor for you is not relevant to this, as he chose to be involved with you.

Obsessed with somebody that she doesn’t even know this is what I find the most remarkable
He could be an awful awful person, she’s got no idea.

OP has stated earlier that when he refused to enter a relationship with DSDs mum, she took him to court for full custody, presumably as retaliation or to try and force a relationship so he could still see his child. Thats how he got 50/50.

The mum sounds obsessed.

Do you think she would try to withhold SD if your partner shut down her attempts to try to make their relationship more than co-parents? It sounds like the two of you have his daughter more than her mom at her request.

If she did try that, your partner could go to court and work out a set schedule. That might work out better in the long run.