DP’s child’s mother not having boundaries

Yes they need to communicate but they are not in a relationship so there has to be boundaries.

She has her own partner for emotional support, her relationship with OPs DP is about the child not her other problems and from the look of things OP and her DP already provide support for the child even beyond 50:50, she does not get to call at ungodly hours and demand responses to her messages within 10 minutes when it's not an emergency.

It's not OPs DPs problem if she thinks her current DP is cheating or not and it's better to set boundaries now, and ignoring it will just encourage her to continue. It's a very simple conversation around how DP is there to help with the child if she needs it and even more then 50:50 if she is struggling but DP has his own life and relationship and is not at her neck and call, she cannot be calling him at u godly hours unless there is a true emergency, and she should not be chasing a response to texts that can wait within 10 mins, he will respond when he can unless it's a true emergency. DP should not and will not get involved in anything to do with her current DP/relationship.

Not your problem. However your bloke decides to handle it is his decision, not yours.

It’s not insensitive.

It was merely a one night stand.
He has a duty of care to his child but that’s it.
That she “grew his child” is irrelevant as he did not ask her to do that.

I agree with your DP.
Ignore her.

This is bad advice. They have an amicable co-parenting relationship. Involving courts when it’s not absolutely necessary would almost certainly mess that up and make everyone’s lives harder, including OP’s

Your DP is handling it fine - if her ringing unnecessarily at silly o'clock is waking you up of course you can complain - but otherwise keep schtum. NOYB.

He should be arranging formally in court order for 50% custody, as at the moment, this woman could keep his daughter away from him in spite. Otherwise at present she thinks he's "helping her out". He needs to take control of the situation.

It’ll only get worse. You’re probably better off finding someone without a child. It only gets more complicated as the child gets older and if you want your own child.

You keep saying you think it’s “odd” or “bizarre” how she behaves. It’s fine for you to think that. You can think what you want. But you absolutely should not intervene in any way,

Cant he just put his phone on silent at night? A total non issue surely.

So what if she makes small talk with him at the door? So what if she tells him about her husbands affair? I’m not seeing how any of this really affects you in any way.

Your words you have some issues with her.
Well don't just bloody well be happy and stop looking for problems.
It might end up with dp not seeing her at all if you interfere.

It’s up to your partner how he deals with it and I think he’s dealing with it quite well. But if it’s too much for you, you should probably just end it now. And that would be perfectly understandable.

Personally I wouldn’t get with a man who has a child for this reason. Being involved with someone has kids with a previous partner is not for everyone, as the risk of this kind of thing happening comes with the territory.

I think you really need to leave this to DP to deal with. It’s annoying but try not to let it in too much.

Agree just ignore it, though I know it’s difficult. When my DSS lived with his mum we did agree that if she called after 10pm he would message and ask if DSS is alright and if he is then he would call tomorrow. As she often did the same thing and called very late but DSS was in bed, but of course my DH wanted to know he was okay. Same for your partner, he can’t just ignore late calls in case there is a genuine issue.

I would agree that you should think hard if you can and indeed want, to handle this. I love my DSS, he lives with us and has done for years, but his mum has created so many issues over the years that I doubt I would put myself through it again with hindsight.

Only two years of dating and being enmeshed with these people's kid and texting arrangements doesn't sound fun.

Does this man enhance your life enough to be worth it? If he does, you don't need to do anything, he can sort co-parenting.

Depending on how high of an earner he is there can be ordered maintenance even in 50/50 so the difference in lifestyle for the child isn’t too different.

It’s likely that shared care is officialy recorded as 50/50 in which case OPs DH does have to pay CSM.

Follow your dps lead it’s his co parent the mother of his child even if it was a ons.

It’s nice that he actually cares about her as his co parent unlike a lot. A working co parent relationship is good for the child.

Either accept how he and she co parent or leave. He has a young child life is never going to be roses and unicorns in a step family.

When you have a child with someone, you are part of each other's lives for good, whether that is for better or worse. Your dp was 50% responsible for the creation of his child and having done that it will never be as simple as saying it's not his problem, yes she sounds difficult but equally that's his child's mother you're talking about.

Your dp sounds like he has a good read on the situation and is doing the right things, you need to stop trying to change that and decide for yourself whether you want to stay with him or not.

When you have a child with someone, in a way you become like family. Her wellbeing will always be important to your DP, because his daughter's well being hinges on it. And vice versa.

Bloody hell, that is harsh and insensitive.
Woman grew and bore your partner's child which comes with an ocean of emotion

I’d accept whatever my child’s father wanted to give for his child.

is the mum not decent for not wanting to provide the bare minimum then? She’s having her child less than 50% of the time and accepting money on top of that.

Didn't you post this same thing recently?