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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think these comments from my mum are slightly racist and unnecessary

58 replies

ColaPineapple · 08/06/2025 13:14

I have 3 sons, all early 20s and all in lovely relationships. All of my son’s GFs are foreign, Ukrainian, Italian and German. All of them are lovely women, intelligent, resilient, kind etc.

My mum is a very difficult woman and lately she has been making lots of comments, some examples include
~You have to wonder what’s wrong with them that they can’t get British women
~Silly boys blinded by exoticness
~Hope he knows she’s just looking for a passport (in reference to the Ukrainian)
~I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a boyfriend back home and she’s just using DS as a wallet
~I bet she makes him food then throws the plate at his head (about the italian)
~She has lots of opinions doesn’t she, all the Italians I know are loud “gobby” people, at least she’s very pretty I suppose
~Ah so he is the submissive one in the relationship (about the German)
~Gosh a German! She will suck the fun out of his life

Now if you haven’t noticed these are lazy stereotypes, she hasn’t taken any time to get to know them despite them all being in these relationships for at least a year now.

AIBU to stop inviting my mum to any dinners with my sons and their GFs as she is clearly bigoted and unable to get to know them as people. I don’t want to subject these women who are now a part of our family to her xenophobic views!

OP posts:
DanielaHobbs · 08/06/2025 13:48

FrenchandSaunders · 08/06/2025 13:42

My mum would have been nearly 100 now if she was still alive and she would never have behaved like this!

A nasty twat is a nasty twat regardless of their age

Show quote history

I understand what you are saying . My mum is above 80 and loves my husband who is from Africa (certainly different culture from hers), but then again many people are like that, stuck in their ways, the more so if they lived most of their life in a primarily uniform , white society. It was a different society with different views. One needs compassion and understand their limits.

Ponoka7 · 08/06/2025 13:47

Well all of our ancestors were attracted to the new, exotic 'foreigners ' at one point, unless you are of the tiny, rare group, who share DNA with the original Brits. Do you have dark brown skin and blue/green eyes? I always try to get people to see how ridiculous they are being. To the pp who thinks it's her generation, I'm nearly 60 and you wouldn't have heard my mum, or GM come out with this. Going back, people in cities and agricultural/craft areas, moved for work and accepted incomers. Shut her down completely, if you can't get her to reason it out. People's traits get worse as they age and no-one should be subjected to this.

Snorlaxo · 08/06/2025 13:44

Slightly racist ?

I would protect my sons and their partners from your mum and if they have children then I’d do the same for them.

It’s not acceptable because of her age- most people her age can see the person past the passport. How would she feel if her grandsons were facing lazy stereotypes from his ILs?

FrenchandSaunders · 08/06/2025 13:42

DanielaHobbs · 08/06/2025 13:21

That s a different generation I suppose . Just ask her to keep these types of opinions to herself and make her aware that such comments can be offensive . I don’t think you can change her mind if she is like that. :( ps. I am Italian and found her comment on Italians utterly hilarious . I don’t mean to be rude :)

My mum would have been nearly 100 now if she was still alive and she would never have behaved like this!

A nasty twat is a nasty twat regardless of their age

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 08/06/2025 13:39

Agree with PP you can’t make older generation change. You just have to tell them it’s not acceptable to voice these opinions and need to keep them inside their own heads

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/06/2025 13:38

That s a different generation I suppose

No, it's not "a different generation" (why are you countering one lazy stereotype with another?), it's an unpleasant person of any age.

OP, I'd tell your mother to keep her nasty xenophobic thoughts to herself.

DanielaHobbs · 08/06/2025 13:21

That s a different generation I suppose . Just ask her to keep these types of opinions to herself and make her aware that such comments can be offensive . I don’t think you can change her mind if she is like that. :( ps. I am Italian and found her comment on Italians utterly hilarious . I don’t mean to be rude :)

GreenCandleWax · 08/06/2025 13:19

What a ghastly woman. As you say, lazy stereotypes, but also so negative generally about the GFs. Definitely dont invite her unless you have a stern word beforehand, and if she crosses your line, that's it - no more. What do your DSs think about it? or do they know what her views are? I'd avoid subjecting the GFs to her.