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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mums partner 6 yrs want's her to lend him all her life saving for a loan to buy larger house she won't be on deed for.

357 replies

Moniworries · 08/06/2025 12:39

I'm worried even though on paper it's a short term loan to enable him to buy a house now until the current one is sold.

She's worried but she also trusts him.
They have been together for 6 years and to be fair he's a nice guy, he's got two adult DC and mum has two as well. They share one DC my brother

She lives in his house now but it's quite small he wants to buy a slightly larger house for family to visit and he will be a grandfather soon

They live quite rurally so harder for family to visit.

I'm concerned because he won't marry her he said it's too complicated with his adult children and also work shares and a family trust,he won't put her on the deeds.
He's never shared a Will even but has said brother will be looked after .

Mums put up with this because she's still got her divorce money ring fenced in case of problems which is about 250. That's her fail safe and she's been comfortable with her situation living in a nicer house than she could afford with that money for her should something happen

Technically he would be borrowing this money only on a short loan but she's worried as am I,what if something random happens to him in that time?

How could she get it back and what if it gets lost in complicated trusts?

OP posts:
NoBots · 08/06/2025 13:54

Absolutely a NO!

MounjaroMounjaro · 08/06/2025 13:53

Your mum needs to buy her own house, tbh, if she wants total security. If she has that money "lying around" then he will think of all sorts of uses for it.

soupyspoon · 08/06/2025 13:53

Well of of course the answer is no.

Why are you even asking?

carrotycrumble · 08/06/2025 13:52

Another viewpoint: your DM is living rent free in a nice house, possibly soon to be an even nicer house. Meanwhile her partner's money is tied up in a house that he is letting her live in. He cannot earn any interest on that money because it's in a house. She can save her money and live off it.

I think it's your mother who is doing very well out of the situation tbh.

Bestfootforward11 · 08/06/2025 13:52

Absolutely not.
Everything looks fine…until it isn’t.
she really shouldn’t do this

Comtesse · 08/06/2025 13:52

BulldogMumma · 08/06/2025 12:44

So she’s not good enough to marry or put on the deeds but good enough to give him her life savings? She needs to run and never look back

Right? No way, he is taking the piss.

Gymnopedie · 08/06/2025 13:51

She needs to put a charge on the property so he can't sell or transfer it without paying back what he owes her

And that's exactly why a charge on the property doesn't help her. The money isn't there for her if she needs it, she can only realise it if the house is sold.

I get that he's panicking and a bridging loan would take time to arrange (though not long). But she needs to keep that money available to her when and if she needs it.

Lifelover16 · 08/06/2025 13:50

No no no!!!
He won’t marry her because of “share dividends “ /complicated finances. etc. He says she’s not in his will.
So he won’t share his money but wants all of hers???

parakeet · 08/06/2025 13:49

Another thing to consider. Wills are worth nothing for financial security, because they can be changed very quickly. She may well trust him completely but he could be hit by a bus the next week, and then she's screwed.

LumpyMashedPotato · 08/06/2025 13:48

Its called a bringing loan
He needs to get one or sell, rent and complete.

Or they need to marry.

If he dropped dead or got hit by a bus and killed in the middle of this she would be penniless.

She'd be absolutely insane to go ahead with it

Longhotsummers · 08/06/2025 13:47

No for many reasons. He shouldn’t be asking.
If he drops down dead before he repays it she’s not only lost her savings but her home too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/06/2025 13:45

he may not intend any issues to happen but life throws up all sorts of random stuff

Yes, @Moniworries, and yet while he (quite rightly) wants to protect his own kids, for some reason he doesn't seem quite to so keen to do that for your mum

Why is that, do you think, and as so many have said what's wrong with him using a bridging loan instead?

Brightanddrywithsunnyspells · 08/06/2025 13:44

No no no no no - just no.
He should get a mortgage like eveyone else. What's stopping him just walking away no matter how 'nice' he is now?. He's protecting his finances, and so should she. He wants everything his way doesn't he?

notjaneausten · 08/06/2025 13:44

And if he died, there’s no proof, nothing to say it’s your Mums money. No!

zenae · 08/06/2025 13:44

NoCureForLove · 08/06/2025 12:49

If she wants to do this (why??!!) she doesn't need a loan contract but a charge on the property - with interest - that she can enforce...

That was my first thought also, IF she decides to go ahead and lend him the money.

Paying for good legal advice is worth every single penny if she is thinking she just might loan him the money. Make sure she does that before she does anything.

CantStopMoving · 08/06/2025 13:43

Sorry if I missed this but why wouldn’t she be on the deeds? They can each register their share as tenants in common so no issue with her getting anything that is his

Parent2ateen · 08/06/2025 13:43

Why don't they buy the house between them and have both names on the deeds? They are together 6 yrs have a child together but to me it seems like he is more interested in protecting "his money" for his adult children not making sure the woman he loves and mother to his child is looked after but he wants her money.
Not a chance. If he wants her money she gets his name on the deeds.

Bimblebombles · 08/06/2025 13:43

Profpudding · 08/06/2025 13:41

I’m not sure, actually even that Solicitor would allow this thinking about it. They have to account for every penny that goes towards a house transaction these days.

You’re right - without her writing a letter to declare it “a gift” he wouldn’t be able to use her funds to buy a house

Meringuechat · 08/06/2025 13:41

NOOOOOO, Won't marry her, won't put her on deeds fuck that she must be daft, get out and get her own house, if she still wants a relationship then on that basis be it.

forensicdetective · 08/06/2025 13:41

I hope you have a nice spare room ready for her. The poor woman.

Reallybadidea · 08/06/2025 13:41

I don't think it's inherently an unreasonable idea but she needs to get legal advice and have a proper agreement drawn up to protect herself.

Looking further forward, what's her plan if he dies before her? Where's she going to live?

Mrsbloggz · 08/06/2025 13:41

Imisscoffee2021 · 08/06/2025 13:36

Absolutely not. He doesn't get to protect his assets while dipping into hers, even if it is temporary.

"What's yours is mine and what's mine is my own"

Profpudding · 08/06/2025 13:41

I’m not sure, actually even that Solicitor would allow this thinking about it. They have to account for every penny that goes towards a house transaction these days.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/06/2025 13:39

If he was trustworthy he would be telling your mum to see her own lawyer to get advice on how she could do this while protecting herself and offering to pay interest plus get legal costs

The fact that he hasn’t done this tells me everything I need to know. She will never see that money again if she does this

Tiswa · 08/06/2025 13:39

Moniworries · 08/06/2025 13:33

@ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan he has more money than her she's appreciated this so it's not all one sided. It's just very different than sharing finances or asset's as I said it's been fine up till now and it feels panicky because they really like this house and it's all rushed.
I also believe they just need to let it go until he can afford something else unless he wants to marry her etc.

Actually they don’t need to get married at all and given the number of previously held assets and adult children I would advise against it

But there are many legal ways to ensure that both of their assets are secured for them to keep inheritance wise for their respective children, both be on the deeds and keep what they want separately.

they just need proper legal advice I would recommend separate first to ascertain what they want and then come together to work out what the best option is (because there are a few)

As I said will they listen to that advice