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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mums partner 6 yrs want's her to lend him all her life saving for a loan to buy larger house she won't be on deed for.

357 replies

Moniworries · 08/06/2025 12:39

I'm worried even though on paper it's a short term loan to enable him to buy a house now until the current one is sold.

She's worried but she also trusts him.
They have been together for 6 years and to be fair he's a nice guy, he's got two adult DC and mum has two as well. They share one DC my brother

She lives in his house now but it's quite small he wants to buy a slightly larger house for family to visit and he will be a grandfather soon

They live quite rurally so harder for family to visit.

I'm concerned because he won't marry her he said it's too complicated with his adult children and also work shares and a family trust,he won't put her on the deeds.
He's never shared a Will even but has said brother will be looked after .

Mums put up with this because she's still got her divorce money ring fenced in case of problems which is about 250. That's her fail safe and she's been comfortable with her situation living in a nicer house than she could afford with that money for her should something happen

Technically he would be borrowing this money only on a short loan but she's worried as am I,what if something random happens to him in that time?

How could she get it back and what if it gets lost in complicated trusts?

OP posts:
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Isxmasoveryet · 27/07/2025 21:08

Her choice but u hear it all the time these people throwing every penny at a partner then crying victim when the money runs out the partner after it

SociableAtWork · 27/07/2025 21:08

Absolutely no way should she do this.

Also, if she’s not on the deeds and not married I’d he leaves his assets to his adult children, when he dies she will be homeless. This could be years away, when your DB has grown up and left home, or it could be any time. Your mum will still be homeless unless he’s made provision for her to stay in the house for life - surely if he’d done that, he’d be transparent about a will and its contents.

If he doesn’t think her good enough to marry or put on the deeds, she certainly shouldn’t even consider bank rolling him. What an arsehole. Please encourage her to take legal advice and protect her money.

Nearly50omg · 27/07/2025 20:55

This is why bridging loans from banks were invented!

justanotherdrama · 27/07/2025 20:31

@rubyslippers

i absolutely agree with rubyslippers

if I was your Mum I’d take my money and set up on my own and buy my own place!

Vevevoom · 27/07/2025 18:29

A resounding Nooooooooooooo! Absolutely NOT!

Imdoodleladie · 13/06/2025 11:16

I've said this many times. You can't mix money & friendship. It seldom works out well.

OhamIreally · 11/06/2025 18:23

What was your mum’s decision @Moniworries?

Tomomomatoes · 09/06/2025 18:45

It's a lot of extra faff but she could buy the current house from him so he the will have the cash to buy the new place. She then becomes the seller of the current place. It may take some time to sell but at least she owns that asset in the meantime.

martinisforeveryone · 09/06/2025 11:25

@Blossomtoes oh, well as the facts have been changed it seems fair enough to assume it's a new post.

Tagyoureit · 09/06/2025 11:24

Nooooooo!!

BIossomtoes · 09/06/2025 11:22

martinisforeveryone · 09/06/2025 11:19

@Jennyisabel press the report button on your own post and in the report ask MNHQ to move it to Relationships as a new thread. You should then also post to explain if your partner has any other family who might make a claim on his estate should he die.

You're in a very vulnerable position like the OP's mother here, but you know that already.

Edited

It’s written from OP’s mum’s viewpoint! It belongs on this thread.

martinisforeveryone · 09/06/2025 11:19

@Jennyisabel press the report button on your own post and in the report ask MNHQ to move it to Relationships as a new thread. You should then also post to explain if your partner has any other family who might make a claim on his estate should he die.

You're in a very vulnerable position like the OP's mother here, but you know that already.

DPotter · 09/06/2025 11:00

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

@Jennyisabel
Your situation and question would be best served by posting your own thread so that any answers are specific for you.

Although to put in my twopenneth - I certainly would not be lending the man a single penny and would be getting back to work asap with a view to leaving, setting up my own household, after putting in a CMS claim. The position he has put you in is unforgiveable.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 09/06/2025 10:06

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

You should take your son YOUR inheritance and go make a life for the two of you. Sure, you might lose some fancier digs and "signs" of wealth, but it's never been yours.
Let your "worth money" but "worthless in morals" partner sit alone and count his money.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 09/06/2025 09:55

Not only "NO" but "HELL NO"! She will have zero protection if he decides to screw her over. Money can make normally nice people drip with greed.

She could lose everything while he gains everything. All downside for her, NO downside for him.

ETA: I had only read OPs posts, but I just wanted to say that I am just echoing everyone else's warnings and agreeing 100% with them.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 09/06/2025 09:38

NO

Viviennemary · 09/06/2025 09:31

She should absolutely not lend him this money. He is keeping his money safe and she needs to do the same.

mylovedoesitgood · 09/06/2025 09:29

The fact that she hasn’t dismissed this would worry the hell out of me if she was my mother and make me wonder about what else may be going on behind closed doors.

If she has a spare few hours, ask her to delve into this talk board and she can read threads by countless women who’ve been financially fucked over by their partners because of “love”.

maddening · 09/06/2025 07:42

No of he doesn't trust her.enough to put her on the deeds or share finances etc.then he can get.a bridging loan.

BIossomtoes · 09/06/2025 07:38

user368 · 09/06/2025 04:52

Absolutely not. Please stop your mum from doing this. She's effectively passing over your inheritance to his children. 100% no from me. If she does it, it will not end well.

To hell with the inheritance, she’s giving her independence away. She’d be totally fucked if he got tired of her.

AlpineMuesli · 09/06/2025 07:26

@Jennyisabel
And he has adult kids? So he’s how old?

Listen, I’m sorry, but I think you’re more like his servant with benefits.

How can you be sure that your child will get anything in the will? One wrong move from you and out comes the boot.

Then he’ll find a new live-in servant. Probably younger and less likely to disobey orders.

ohyesido · 09/06/2025 05:29

Absolutely not it’s a very big risk for her with very little in the way of benefit for her.

user368 · 09/06/2025 04:52

Absolutely not. Please stop your mum from doing this. She's effectively passing over your inheritance to his children. 100% no from me. If she does it, it will not end well.

mathanxiety · 09/06/2025 03:20

He sounds like a thief.

She needs to give her head a massive wobble and talk to a solicitor.

Nosuchthing2025 · 09/06/2025 01:52

Obviously, she'd be an idiotic doormat to do this. I despair of women who just let men stamp all over them.

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