To be annoyed dh won’t accept gift of house deposit?

He's crazy but you are going to need to agree with him so he feels in control of making that choice. You could probably act like you think it's the best thing but have a change of heart a few months down the line and he might follow suit!

As well as wanting independence, he probably wants to ensure he's not jeopardising his aging parents financial security. As you say, you can save it yourselves in a relatively short time, so do that.

Could you both meet halfway and accept the money, but with an agreement to pay it back monthly over a set amount of years?

Decline it. Then you’re not beholden in any way. PIL died with £1m assets yet we got offered nothing towards a house or a wedding.

I wouldn’t accept if there was any chance of making life less comfortable for them.

For me this would depend on the rest of your circumstances. If you’re well into your careers, renting, with children already and this would improve quality of life then I would think my H was putting pride before our family. However if you’re young and no kids then I can understand he’d want to not take money off his parents.

my H would never have accepted any kind of financial help from parents

I agree with you OP. Assuming no backstory, it makes no sense not to accept the gift and get on the housing ladder. If there was a backstory, my answer would of course be different.

I am currently buying a house with a deposit "gifted" by my grandmother - nowhere near £50,000 but still, the entirety of our starting equity. You can hold a property in unequal shares to protect the initial investment, or have a "deed of trust" as I believe it's called drawn up to clarify who owns what shares and who will get what in the event of the house being sold. We didn't go for that as although my grandmother is providing the deposit, I will be paying her back, and my husband will be paying 100% of the mortgage.

My Dad and step-Mum were comfortable financially post-retirement.

Till the cost of living and then my Step-Mum died a few months ago and the household income dropped by more than half.

My Dad spends hundreds more than is coming in every month. He's currently got a decent amount of savings but that won't last forever.

Wars happen that effect everyone, pandemics, benefits get slashed, illnesses happen, prices go up.

No-one knows what the future holds. It makes sense for the ILs to keep their money and it's admirable your DP sees that.

It’s his choice and he has his reasons not to accept though it would be frustrating for you.

His parents are not rich . It will eat into their retirement buffer . He is thinking of their future and good on him for that . He realises they are being too generous. Anyway, it’s his decision. You are being unreasonable.

From a completely different angle, I'm interested in hearing how this very generous £50k gift from your laws protects them if you both decide to split up after you buy a property together.
You get all the advantage of 50% of the property ownership and equity with none of the investment, also if you pay back the £50k you should really provide some "gesture of interest.

You're unreasonable to be annoyed, this is strictly between him and his parents. And frankly, he seems to be thoughtful and self-sufficient, both of which are attractive qualities.

I can see why you’re annoyed.

All of my friends & my sister were gifted deposits.

I wasn’t & I don’t own a house.

I always admire people who have a desire for independence. He sounds like a good man, concerned for his parents. And he's right: You can save that money yourselves.

I think it’s mean people saying he’s refusing because he knows there’ll be strings attached. It’s that MN assumption that all in-laws are evil, even when OP has said they’re lovely.

I agree with your DH. I wouldn’t take that kind of money off my Mum unless she was minted. Taking someone’s financial buffer is not a good idea.

it is very common now with house prices what they are for money to be passed inter generationally so this not a strange scenario

my view is if they have the money to pass now then fabulous - it helps you and it also reduced inheritance tax liability. Pretty much everyone I know has had varying degrees of help from parents either by gifts or by loans or by guarantor to buy their first property.

if he’s worried about his parents financially then I would put the money you would have saved for the deposit into an ISA/premium bonds and don’t touch it. Keep it as a rainy day fund if you ever need to help his parents out financially in the future years. Everybody wins in this scenario.

I can see all sides (you wanting it, him saying no and his parents offering) but I really admire him preferring not to take the money.

You can save it in a short amount of time and his parents can keep their buffer for a rainy day. You will be proud of yourselves for saving with no help and being independent. You aren’t indebted to the in laws.

Oh no, no way could I do that to my parents if I could afford to save up longer and do it independently, even though it's lovely of them to offer OP.

If they're not rich, that 50k will be very much needed at some point in their later lives I'm sure.

And borrowing huge sums of money from family can cause a lot of problems later down the line.

I think your DH is right here.

It’s not a gift if you’re paying it back so it won’t qualify as a gift for your mortgage. Your mortgage company will want to know if anyone else has a claim on their asset ie your house so you will have to sign a declaration saying the money is a gift.

Up to you if you want to tell the truth.

I'd refuse, too.

They are his parents and it's his call.

Could your parents contribute £25k? If so, you could suggest to him that you accept £25k from his - but to be honest, I'd let it go.

If you can save up in 2-3 years just do that, the gift really isn’t needed then. It might come with strings attached, he may not want to put his parents under financial stress of having less of a buffer.

Maybe he doesn’t want to take £50k from his parents while yours contribute nothing ? He may feel he would prefer his parents to spend that money on retirement since they earned it ? He may worry it will cause an inequality between the two of you ? He may just want to do things independently of his parents.

Ultimately he has said no so respect that and save it yourself

It's his choice. They're his parents and you should respect that.

His parents, his choice. Am sure he has his reasons. If you’re in a position to save that much in a few years just do that and keep your finances separate.