To be annoyed dh won’t accept gift of house deposit?

If my mother offered me this, it would come with very very long nylon strings attached. I’d rather live in a tent.

I would trust his parents are making the right decision. In addition, I wouldn't feel comfortable with accepting a gift from the parents unless they were comfortably well off and my partners parents offering the same amount. Is your parenting contributing?

I wouldn’t accept it, with no back story - I just quite strongly feel the need to build my own life.

I would borrow it though with commercial interest terms (accepting that my parents would have to say it was a gift for the purpose of the mortgage), but I’d be clear that I’d be repaying them as soon as possible

No such thing as free money it’ll come with expectations (said &unsaid). Subtly you/he will be beholden to them. Clearly he has misgivings

I understand where he is coming from. If they gift the money, as we did, you have to complete a form to say it is a gift without reservation, which we were totally happy with. But, it is easier with a 4 way split, you, your DH, your parents and his parents. To go into the purchase so unequally would either risk you losing your home or them losing their money if you split up.

If you can save 50k in two years you sound incredibly grabby wanting to take his parents money OP. Especially since they don’t seem to be very rich. Just save your own money.

If you could save it in 2 years then why haven’t you already?

@onlymethen How ridiculous. In that case, it’s good that they didn’t accept.

My in-laws offered the deposit if 40k to my nephew, luckily his wife wasn’t keen as within months of them viewing houses they decided to withdraw the offer over some slight. Very rarely do these offers come with no strings attached.

This. He probably thinks you should contribute, and not just have the easy way out from his parents hard earned money. Which is fair.

Plus maybe he wants to keep it for himself if there is a future inheritence, who knows.

I used to think the same way as your DH, but now that I’m older and a parent myself, I’d gratefully accept. Life isn’t easy and if I could help one of my children to buy a house more easily, I’d do it.

It’s your DH’s decision and obviously if your PIL can’t really afford it, he shouldn’t accept. But it might be worth mentioning the parental point of view to him- that unless his parents are controlling, they just want to make life easier for him. If you have/intend to have children yourselves, you’ll want to do the same.

Just be patient and wait 2 or 3 years

(He probably wants you to stump up equally in case you divorce and walk away with 25 grand of his parents money)

You can't take it and then pay it back. Any gift towards a house purchase with a mortgage has to be just that - a gift, not a loan. His parents will have to sign a document to say its a gift, not expected to be paid back. If they sign it falsely it's perjury, and I wouldn't be asking anyone to break the law for me.
Well done to your DH!

I accepted 10k off my parents when we were buying our home.

My parents took this as they owned the home and my baby. They even atarted inviting people we dont know to come look at our house. Worst thing I ever did at the time!

I wouldn’t take £50k off anyone either.

Not your parents so keep your nose out. He knows the best. Also he might feel wrong to take from his parents, when you should be able to work and do it yourself?

The BTL I bought was as tenants in common, a 50/50 split with my wife, so If I passed away, my remaining equity would go to my kids, just in case she married again, it stopped any potential new fella stealing my kids assets after a divorce. You have to protect your assets for the kids. I think the OP should go 25/75 tenants in common split, in her husband's favour to incorporate his parents gift (if accepted)

If it’s given with no strings attached, I really don’t see his problem.
I plan to do the same with my children, but it will be ring fenced for them. If anything goes wrong, I will be getting it back

Why would wanting to be financially independent when they can, be prideful in a negative way as you're thinking it is?

I'd be far more proud of my DP and me for being independent instead of taking money from elderly relatives.

His parents, his choice.
Only he truly knows the feelings and strings that may come with it. Also if he just isn't comfortable borrowing money from family then you should respect that. It is something a lot of people avoid like the plague.

I would be pretty turned off my DH if he got upset that I wouldn't take money from my mum. I would feel a bit disgusted in him really.

Financially, it makes far more sense to take the money now and pay it back to them, than spend 2-3 saving it yourselves and find it has less purchasing power if house prices stay increasing as they are.

Are there strings attached to the offer, or are your in laws likely to difficult about this in some way? If not, your husband’s pride will negatively affect your house buying.

Yup.

My 92 Grandma just died after a few months in a care home.

Nobody including her, thought she'd live this long and really, she should have been there for a lot longer than she was.

Savings don't last long when paying over 900 quid a week for care. She died less than 3 months into it but there are people in her care home that have been there for years.

It was still massively and rapidly depleting her savings.

Alternatively , he doesn’t want to leave his parents exposed if their circumstances change?

This is exactly it I think.

I've just been to visit my 93 year old dad. None of us could've guessed he'd have lived this long but thank goodness he's in his own home with carers who come to visit, and help with his independence.

They don't come cheap but they're very much needed to get him in and out of bed safely and to do his personal care.

Does he have siblings that would also receive the same amount? Is he wanting to keep a good relationship with them, as they may feel its unfair. If you can save the money in 2 years then do that. Will he feel beholden to provide care for them as they age if he accepts such a generous offer? Nobody knows what the future holds. A buffer for them is sensible