To be annoyed dh won’t accept gift of house deposit?

Interesting that OP hasn’t been back to answer this which others have asked too, and is a big part of the puzzle.

We’re not rich but were able to give both ours a deposit contribution with absolutely no strings attached- it does happen !
What are your husbands actual reasons for not wanting to do this rather than just saying he wants to be independent. It would make a difference to me if I knew exactly why I think

Sorry, yes fraud rather than perjury
The reason they don't like is that the person giving the loan would be seen as owning a stake in the house, without any legal obligation being signed to the bank.

Thats partly why buy to let mortgages or more expensive - they are inherently more risky to the bank as after a certain time frame the tenants can claim they have paid towards the mortgage and have a stake in the property. I had to get permission from the bank to even let a room out in my flat as that person could have a stake in my property.

In the middle of all the posts saying similar things you may sadly miss my post saying there are other ways they can help you. It's still a favour as their money is at risk - but if you can pay the mortgage in 3 years they get their money back.

There are different names for these products. I listed 2 earlier, here's a 3rd one. https://www.barclays.co.uk/mortgages/family-springboard-mortgage/

Maybe he does not a favour because he knows there could be strings attached or he just doesn’t want to take such large some of money from parents who are not rich themselves. In either case, he is not unreasonable. If you can save in 2-3 years, then why take this favour?

Take it as an interest free loan and pay them back if and when you can, obviously prioritise if they need the money, even re-mortgage in the future when you have equity. We borrowed off my PILs to help with our first house deposit and paid them back a few years later.

He must have a reason for not wanting to use their money.

If you can save 50k in two years then stick with that plan.

It sounds like he knows they can't really afford it. Just because they don't have to sell their house to gift it (that would be insane), doesn't mean they can spare it.

His parents, his decision. You have no say in the matter.
He knows them way better than you and he is counting this gift could backfire somehow.
Support your husband on his decision and that is the end of it.

I would worry that the houses you could afford now with that £50k gift from his parents would be out of reach by the time you have saved up in 3 years time. Worth thinking about. Maybe have a look back at property prices from 3 years ago to see how much they have gone up. Our eldest is at home and saving up for a house deposit.

The mortgage is dependent on your income and outgoings, the deposit is the only thing that potentially lifts you into being able to buy a more expensive property and one which might be able to grow with you than out of.

Agree with this.

But I can also see the issue that you don't want your spouse to walk away with half your parents' money if you split.

OP, you should be really proud that he wants to be independent.
And he is probably saving both of you a hell of a lot of stress and parental expectations in years to come.

You do realise there are other ways they could help out? Look at e.g.
https://www.halifax.co.uk/mortgages/family-boost.html
https://www.lloydsbank.com/mortgages/first-time-buyers/lend-a-hand.html

If he refuses to consider that sort of help he's a fool.

@eatreadsleeprepeat I feel the same way about my children and if we can help them, we will. But obviously it’s their choice whether they accept or not. I’m pretty sure that mine will. 😂

This.

His family, his choice.

You don't know them as well as he does. My mum was a lovely woman in most ways, but there's no way I'd have ever accepted a house deposit off her, because I knew how weird she could be about money. As long as it was my money I was spending , I could fend off her little comments any time I bought something she didn't think I needed, but if I'd let her actually have a financial interest in my life, it would have become utterly unbearable. And DP would have been none the wiser, because she never made the comments in front of others.

Your partner grew up with those people @tarplarp , you didn't. Why wouldn't you trust his judgement on them?

Perhaps point out that if his parents are keen to pass their savings onto him, they will do it anyway later on at some point, when they are older or via inheritance - it's much more useful and impactful having it when younger for buying a home, than it is to receive it when you're old?

It's not "perjury" due to not having anything to do with a trial. It would be technically mortgage fraud, but, as with many things, it will never be an issue for anyone and the bank will never know/care as long as they keep recieving their payments on time and without fuss. As far as I can tell, it's extremely common for informal loans to be made between family members for deposits, and the reason it can't be disclosed as a loan is because the bank sees it the same as if you have a bank loan for that same amount, that has to be paid back monthly on pain of proceedings no matter what. Whereas informal family loans would obviously be paused or written off if something like a serious illness or job loss were to happen, and are almost always interest free.

His parents, his decision. Accepting and paying back in 2/3 years is a bit disingenuous and very unlikely. He doesn't want to take money from them. Could be any number of reasons; hidden strings, wanting to be independent, concern about their finances or not actually want to buy now.

I think you've certainly made the correct decision in your case, I've heard far too many stories where a parent has died, left everything to their spouse thinking the money and property will eventually go to their joint children, only for the widow/er to get remarried and do nothing to protect their assets or estate plan, and everything ending up in the hands of their new spouse and their children.

For the OP, I think when drawing up a deed of trust to hold a property as tenants in common, you can specify that you both get 50% of the equity less an amount. So their deed can require the parent's investment is repaid out of the sale of the property, and then they would get half each of the remaining equity.

Not OP’s parents, not her call.

Maybe an idiot or maybe doesn’t want to leave his parents in difficulty should circumstances suddenly change.

If it is unconditional, I think the offer should be accepted. Only you and husband know if it is.

You DH is, financially speaking, an idiot.
Take the money.

That is a somewhat sweeping generalisation! Not every parent offers money with expectations. We have helped adult children as we would rather they got the benefit now rather than at some point in the future, we then get to see them enjoy it, and that need not come with strings attached. Their houses, their choices, a gift is something you give and have no further call on, say in etc.