To not take him back after all this?

“Sorry mil he’s not my problem anymore. You and the new girlfriend can argue over whose problem he is now. I’ll be busy enjoying the peace and happiness I’ve experienced since he did me the favour of acting HASTILY in walking out on me and the children”.

nah. He made his choice here. He is regretting his current situation because he's feeling sorry for himself and knows he wouldn't be in hospital right now if he'd made better choices in his life.

However, I'm guessing that not once has he said that he regrets leaving you and the kids, and misses you and loves you etc. (NOT that if he HAD said these things that he would necessarily mean them because they are just words, but I'm just saying, it sounds as if all of that is coming from your MIL, not him)

His actions show he's only sad that he's been beaten up and 'it's not the same' with his girlfriend, well he's learning the reality of running off with someone younger at a different place in her life. Being with someone younger doesn't make HIM magically younger and there's another reality for him.

He is like every other stereotype who finds small children hard work and didn't like not being the centre of the universe anymore.

Don't take him back, when my dad left my mum for another woman, he came back after 4-5 months, grass wasn't greener and all that, he stayed for a few more months then buggered off again. Completely devastated my mum as well as us kids. Stay strong and keep moving forward 🙂

I suspect he wants to come home because the man he had a fight with is the OW’s new boyfriend. I expect she’s thrown your ex out and he’s not taken it well. Don’t visit him again. It’ll only increase expectations. You’ll need to do a ‘Not in this lifetime, MIL. Do you think I’m that desperate I would want a scumbag of man who thinks it’s ok to do that to his wife and beautiful children?’

@GreeCasual the only people who matter in this situation now are you, your children and the decisions you make for all of you. Your ex has made his decisions and only thought about himself. That decided, you put everyone else out of your mind.

I can't imagine asking for affirmation if I were in your shoes. It would be clear cut to me, but it's a dilemma for you because you're a decent person and your ex preyed on that in his moment of vulnerability. All I would say to you is if you do feel a moment of guilt, or whatever, then think hard about what you imagine your and your children's future lives would be like if you took him back. Would you ever feel relaxed and secure, or do you envisage being back to square one if, or more likely when, he does an about turn? and how do you feel about your life now, the progress you've made alone and how it all looks going forward?

Personally it seems like a no-brainer to me for you and for your children to carry on as you are, and your ex will have to rebuild his life best he can, just as you had to do. That's nothing to feel guilty about, that's the consequence of his own actions.

@GreeCasual you sound like an incredible strong woman, and he needs to go away and listen to the Beautiful South

If that was my son I would look after him and tell him to focus on being a good dad and accept he had his chance with you and blew it. Not trying to manipulate you into taking him back. Any decision not 100% yours would fail anyway.

God no, do not take him back ever, you and your kids deserve so much better.
His mum can butt out! She just doesn't want him living with her!
Similar happened to me late last year, I thought my fiance was busy at his work at haven holidays tending to all of his customers, but in reality was also tending to a work colleague for months who knew he was with someone and couldn't care less, in fact she taunted me after.
They have since split apparently, but I wouldn't want him back even if he had the nerve to come back which don't think he would. We both can do and will do better then these chumps. Good luck to you.X

So things aren't working out and MIL is terrified that he'll move back home with her and expect to be danced attention on?

I'd bet good money that's what it's coming down to.

His mammy can look after him, he's no longer your problem.

For the love of God if my son behaved like this I'd be going through him!

Bottom line imo is mil doesn't want him back under her roof!!

Quite. And in any case, this isn't a 'fight'. It's the logical conclusion of actions bringing consequences.

Exactly this. Or, has the OW chucked him to the side for another bloke? This bloke being the one he had the altercation with and now he has nowhere to go, so has made googoo eyes at you, pleading to take him back? Bin him off OP, and keep moving on with your own life, you are so much better off without him.

The other bloke could have been kicking off at the new gf because she was seeing your ex behind his back.

I wouldn’t take him back either.

Not only will he do this again but he’ll weaponise his mum against you when he wants to come back. He’ll be thinking that you forgave him last time so will do so again.

Does his gf know what he’s told you? If so there’s a messy breakup coming up and you could be dragged into the drama.

I’d also be suspecting that his mum has told him to beg for your forgiveness so that you look after him. You doing the care means she doesn’t have to.

It's not really a fair fight when someone's laying in a hospital, emotions are running high and you have your kids worrying about him. You'll just end up looking like the bad guy (even though that's deeply unfair - it's just the way it goes).

OP and women like her who have resolve and strength will always be the "bad guy" no matter how she behaves. The weasel is in hospital because of his own actions - karma is a bitch- and OP is not obligated to be nice to him. The children are being used to manipulate OP. He didn't ask for them and he is not at death's door as claimed. Op can turn her back on him and walk off without a backward glance. she doesnt even need to rip into him - what for?

You gotta be kidding me

To MIL “sorry, no. I have some self respect”

does MIL not want him moving in with her, perhaps?

Have you actually filed for divorce yet? If not, crack on and get it started.

How embarrassing for him to have been such an idiot. He thought it was ok to treat you this way once, and it was pretty awful. He's not worthy of a second chance. There's literally nothing that he can offer that would be so good as to make up for that and make him a worthwhile partner. And imagine if you did take him back, there would pressure to forgive and forgive, so that his children would never learn of his deceit presumably.

It doesn't have to be an either or, your life was upended under 6 months ago, that is no time to manage a massive life changing event. You have been incredibly resilient to steady homelife for the children it sounds like the focus on 'getting on with it' was very centring for you. Do not underestimate the emotions that go with what has happened including sadness and anger. You may not have been able to give space to those whilst you found a way to keep going,

I can completely understand your frustration at family members, their opinions are probably less to do with you than their own responses to what has happened. It might be his mother has never agreed with his actions and saw this opportunity as a way to intervene to nudge things back to where she thinks they should be. That would be a MIL issue. She has also been presumably supporting her son even if she doesn't agree with his actions perhaps because she loves him and doesn't want to lose him.

Whether your husband has had a change of heart, or the events scared him and he has had an emotional response with you visiting, he has still made very powerful decisions that have implications for everyone. Consequence cannot be denied.

Surround yourself by a supportive network who will help you think through everything that is happening. Most importantly do not rush to make any decisions during such an emotive time. If your husband is going to ask for a review, he should be able to go at your pace not just his or other peoples.

He and his mum can both get in the bin.

Never go back to him. He's shown you what he is - someone who cuts and runs and abamdons his children at the least opportunity and when it goes to shit expects you to drop everything for him.

I’m so bloody angry today. Not just at him but at all of them acting like I’m the unreasonable one.

Good, you have a right to be angry, use that energy to give you confidence to stick to your guns. You don't want you hold into it for years but right now it's useful to you.

I’m going to add to the chorus 😁

Yes sometimes, facing an event like that can help people get their priorities right. They realise what they’ve missed on, that the grass isn’t that green and things need to change.

The problem here is that he hasn’t done any of that. Even if it was the case hat he had a huge wake up call, Theres no way he has had the time to process it all. Rather, you been there with the dcs probably had this nice comforting feeling of being held, supported and cared for. Because That’s what you’ve represented for so long. It doesn’t mean he has changed, that he has put a stop to his relationship with the gf etc etc…. At most, he is likely to find himself single agd doesn’t like it (esp if ill or injured??)

Also really interesting that it’s his mum who told you all of that, not him. Which points towards 1- he hasn’t had such a huge epiphany and 2- that’s her dream, not his (or yours).

Your role isn’t to come and rescue him. Your role isn’t to forgive just because. You’re not his rehabilitation centre.
Bottom line is - you don’t trust him. Why would you try and have a life with someone you dint trust?!?

MIL is probably terrified that he'll end up back home with her if he leaves the ow and you don't take him back. So, don't listen to her. She's just looking out for herself.

You sound like a diamond and he sounds like a great big loser. What on earth is a Diamond doing with a loser? Throw him back.

Go LC with the MIL. Her upbringing of and continual excuses for her sad shit of a son is the root of the problem. DC need not be shielded from the truth of their father's abandonment either. He left without even making financial provisions for their care ie taking care of the mortgage? Fuck him. He will disappoint them time and time again. If anyone says you have to take him back for the children's sake, they are lying and do not value your children's well being.