Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He constantly calls and messages to tell me he loves and misses me

46 replies

Bubbletea125 · 08/06/2025 09:58

My partner will go to places like work and will try go to the toilet just to call me. Or will message multiple time saying he loves and misses me and I’m his everything. If I don’t pick up he will call again.

He will even go out with friends and go outside or go to toilet to chat with me. I tell him not to do it as I don’t want to be those couples.

Am I being unreasonable sometimes I just feel like ignoring him, even though I do love him. I really don’t understand where this comes from, as I don’t need this constant validation

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 08/06/2025 11:12

HenDoNot · 08/06/2025 10:43

This is the same guy that wants to trap you with a baby? A baby you don’t really want? The same guy that cannot afford a child, and you’re the main earner in the relationship?

Whaaat? Fuck that shit! Definitely dump!

CoraPirbright · 08/06/2025 11:07

Honestly just reading this makes me feel breathless and claustrophobic! I woudl be seriously reevaluating this relationship (aka getting the hell out of there). I cant imagine things will improve.

MoominMai · 08/06/2025 10:58

@Bubbletea125 My ex (who I eventually left for starting to verge on literally stalking me in secret), would have loved behaviour like this from me. No matter how much I texted or spoke to him (a lot because I felt he too would be down otherwise) it was never enough.

My concern is that this expectations will eventually put you off him and then he really will lose you. Think you need to talk again to him and tell him exactly that. It’s really not normal. And I imagine stressful on you in the long run. I know towards the end with my ex my heart would race if I thought I’d not messaged him in time back or what it. It was awful. I know your BF is not like this right now but seriously to try to address this and be transparent on the impact on you.

HenDoNot · 08/06/2025 10:43

This is the same guy that wants to trap you with a baby? A baby you don’t really want? The same guy that cannot afford a child, and you’re the main earner in the relationship?

CoraPirbright · 08/06/2025 10:39

He does not get angry but may get down if I don’t reciprocate it

That could be just control in another manner. He knows that you won’t want to see him upset.

unsync · 08/06/2025 10:35

Ick.

Astrak · 08/06/2025 10:33

This would make me feel seriously harassed. Have you talked about this behaviour with him? If he wasn't able to moderate it, I would detach myself from him.

S0j0urn4r · 08/06/2025 10:30

How long have you been together?
I would ignore.
Switch phone to silent and crack on with your day.
If that's a problem for him I'd probably move on.

tammienorrie · 08/06/2025 10:27

Far too much. Borderline stalking and controlling, checking up that you are where you say you are.

Original poster
Bubbletea125 · 08/06/2025 10:26

DontTouchRoach · 08/06/2025 10:18

How long have you been together?

This sounds incredibly suffocating to me and if he expects you to pick up and answer him every time, that’s even worse.

If you ignore his messages/calls and he can’t get hold of you, how does he react then? Does he get anxious/angry?

You say “I don’t need this constant validation”. The key thing to remember here is that he doesn’t care whether you need the validation. He’s doing this for himself, not for you, and it’s actually quite selfish if it’s as excessive as it sounds.

He does not get angry but may get down if I don’t reciprocate it

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubbletea125 · 08/06/2025 10:26

He’s had a lot of loss, which I have not really experienced. But I feel like the love comes from fear

OP posts:
DontTouchRoach · 08/06/2025 10:18

How long have you been together?

This sounds incredibly suffocating to me and if he expects you to pick up and answer him every time, that’s even worse.

If you ignore his messages/calls and he can’t get hold of you, how does he react then? Does he get anxious/angry?

You say “I don’t need this constant validation”. The key thing to remember here is that he doesn’t care whether you need the validation. He’s doing this for himself, not for you, and it’s actually quite selfish if it’s as excessive as it sounds.

MyCyanReader · 08/06/2025 10:08

Suffocating!!

I'd find that a total turn off!

Daleksatemyshed · 08/06/2025 10:08

Too much Op, a grown man shouldn't be that clingy, he sounds very emotionally immature

Bananalanacake · 08/06/2025 10:07

Lovebombing, how long have you been together. Don't let him move in, sounds like the type to be contolling,

Renabrook · 08/06/2025 10:04

Sounds creepy

babystarsandmoon · 08/06/2025 10:04

How long have you been together?

HeyThereDelila · 08/06/2025 10:04

He’s either going to turn out to be controlling and abusive - they often love bomb first then become like stalkers. Or he's needy and insecure.

Either would be a severe red flag for me. Have a chat with him about it and tell him it’s smothering and unnecessary then if he doesn’t drop it think about your future.

nomas · 08/06/2025 10:01

YANBU, this sounds awful.

If you tell him to stop and he doesn’t, then you know he doesn’t love you, he’s just using you as a crutch for his insecurities.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 08/06/2025 10:01

That's a bit much girl 😬😬

Is he well?

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 08/06/2025 09:59

Too much imo

Swipe left for the next trending thread