AIBU - siblings at parties!

When my children were little and my DH was travelling a lot I did this. I just asked another parent (who I knew well enough to ask and would be happy to reciprocate for) if they would supervise my child for the party. I use the phrase ‘supervise’ lightly as I seem to recall is parents all used to just chat whilst the party was on as we were only there just in case we were needed.

I check with the venue. They're normally mornings or early afternoons. The private parties are normally the later ones where parents pay more for exclusive access. I'd only take her if I knew it was open to the public at that time.

And if it doesn't and only "some siblings," the why are Mary's sisters and brothers staying but Mabel's aren't .

That isn’t true here. Drop and go isn’t until Year 2. In Reception and Year 1 parents stay.

And don't forget the obligatory 40-50 parents as in those imaginary cases often more than one parent is welcome to stay. So about 150 people in a village hall or soft play. I'm sure it happens all the time.

Do you know in advance that the soft play hasn’t been hired for exclusive use? I’ve done this a few times with a limit on numbers and parents have brought siblings without mentioning it and then also expected food. It’s rude.

I honestly don't mind when people ask me. It's my DD's birthday soon and I've just presumed when doing the invites that some of her friends' parents will ask to bring other DC. Maybe it's because it's really common here - almost all my DD's friends' parties I've been to have some siblings too. Just turning up with them though is really bad manners.

@Tagyoureit to be honest I was wondering if that was what people were envisioning. Because obviously if it’s a cinema visit or a laser tag party or a very select number of children that’s different. But I’d say 95% of the parties we’ve been to have been soft play and the venue has been open to the public as well as the party guests so it’s really no different to happening to be at a big soft play when there’s a party, and it’s so normal and accepted. It isn’t just that some parents are on their own, it’s simply that it’s a nice activity for them both.

Although my DS did once join, uninvited, a party - I’m still not totally sure if it was a genuine error as the birthday boy had the same first name as one of his friends or he was chancing his arm a bit but he sat down and sang happy birthday with great gusto to the kid and was given a party bag and cake … which I did return when he came to me very pleased with himself

It’s quite cheeky to ask unless you are close with the hosting family, and it’s extremely rude to turn up with additional uninvited siblings.

If I wanted to invite Olivia’s sibling the invitation would be addressed to Olivia, Tom and Maisie. But it wasn’t.

I’ve had to turn down parties or make reciprocal arrangements with other parents that they take my child and I’ll take theirs next time if I can’t sort the other two out.

Children deserve to have things that are just for themselves, and not always have their brothers and sisters in tow.

It depends on the party. Cinema or church hall party where you book the room fine just don't expect a party bag. Soft play or something that costs per head I say ' really sorry but numbers are limited. If you want to bring them in a private capacity that's perfectly fine but if you can please supervise so they stay out of the party room that would be amazing'.

This exactly!

If they wanted siblings at the party, they would say so. Don’t put them on the spot.

Because it's an open venue. I'm paying for her. Anyone can go if they pay on the door. She enjoys softplay. Why should she stay home while her brother enjoys himself. It's not a private party. She's not in the party room. She's no different from any other child going in the softplay that day who aren't part of the party. She's not bothering anyone at all. We don't do that for village hall parties or limited number parties. Just one parent goes with invited child.

This is exactly what we started doing. That way only the invited child could come in, parent was forced to pay for sibling. I would make it very clear to the play centre staff that if anyone says ‘my child should be on that list’ they don’t listen to that and insist they pay.

I think the only way to ask for siblings to come is if you say ‘Im sorry, I haven’t got childcare, happy to drop off x if that’s easier but if parents need to stay I’ll need to bring sibling, obviously they’re not part of the party but I haven’t got any other childcare’

They would feel obliged to say yes and not have their name slandered by greedy entitled mums. Single mums i can understand, if there are two of you leave the others at home!!!

Fine if that's the case, but I'd not bring a sibling along expect them to be fed.

My 2 don't even go to each others parties as ds is 11 and dd is 5, she can't go to his laser tag type parties and ds would hate to be with 30 5 year old kids 🤷‍♀️

If it’s at soft play generally there’s a list of invited children. So you turn up with Sophie and Amelia and Sophie is ticked off the list and you pay for Amelia. No anxious parent frets in the entrance saying ‘oh but you can’t possibly pay for Amelia!’

If siblings were invited they would be on thr invitation i would think other os very rude to ask as that puts the host in an awkward position and that is unfair

If they say no then what?

You and your dh go to parties with the invited child and her uninvited sibling?!
Why can’t the second parent just stay home? This is so unbelievably self absorbed.

It's a massive piss take. Unless they provide 2 presents (one from each child attending) Which is rarely done. Pure freeloading entitlement.

Totally rude.

Ive never assumed @Tagyoureit , just that in my experience there’s been loads of food. At my DS’s third birthday party there was absolutely loads of food going spare and the parents had a good feast as well 😂

Generally I’ve found there’s loads of food going spare at parties; the kids really don’t eat much. Must be excitement.

But the food is paid for for the invited children. Our local soft play does the food on a plate for the invited children so it's cheeky to assume your uninvited child will be fed party food because you've paid for their entry separately! How bizarre!

You really should stop doing that.

And they, of course, take your payment - yes? No - unlike you they are too polite and tell you to bring her or him anyway. All other inconvenience and entitlement aside, the birthday child's wish not to have your kid there is clearly less important than your own convenience.
Absolutely not on and so rude.