AIBU - siblings at parties!

I always leave my younger DS at home when his older brother attends a birthday party. The exception was yesterday because the mum (who is also a friend) asked if my younger boy wanted to come. She had prepared party bags and food for him too.

Attention for and from the birthday child for example, you'll be supervising the sibling rather than just the invited kjd, the invited kid is more likely to play with sibling than with the birthday child, different ages change the dynamic, the host will feel obliged to invite them into a party room or you'll simply make people feel awkward if not. Will your uninvited sibling want to follow the invited one in the party, therefore joining the party which will change the dynamic.
And why if You are bringing your other kids did other parents go through the pain of organising childcare for their other kids?
You motivation herr is to have a day out for all your kids and own convenience.
I'm sure you'll tell me how none of this will happen...
If you are the one doing the inviiing its up to.you if you tell them to bring siblings - its very differewnt to someone just bringing them or asking to bring them.
Do you bring your own siblings to.your friends and colleagues parties if they weren't invited? You should start doing it. But you won't because they matter. You are doing it because that kid and her birthday don't matter to you that much to be respectful of their invitation. You know it and we know it.

But even if it's somewhere that's also open to the public, the party children will usually leave to go to a private room/area afterwards for food.

When the staff member says "Everybody who is here for Olivia's party, come this way, please", how realistic is it that uninvited siblings won't tag along too - especially if the kids are all still young enough to need supervising and the parent can't be in two places at once?

The problem is, though, that there is a certain kind of person who assume that it doesn't apply to them.

It must mean parents who just fancy bringing a sibling; it doesn't mean special parents like me who haven't got childcare, have a useless husband, can't be bothered to make it work or are just generally for more important tha n everybody else.

There are a lot of double yellow lines on the roads near my DS's school and the traffic is stacked right back most mornings, because of parents who park there anyway and seriously block the flow.

They are special, only going to be a few minutes, in a hurry, need to get to work afterwards, running late, the first people to ever have children who go to a school or whatever.

Rules are for other people; but not for them.

People who think like me, who allow people to bring siblings to parties I pay for, are takers? I think that's giving, you seem to be confused.

But it's not taking either, to pay for a child to go to a trampoline park at the same time as a party happens to be on. What's being taken there?

The parents started tucking into the kid’s party meals??

To those "it's okay to ask" askers- when are you doing your asking? Because if you are doing it a few days or even a week before the party - it's too late for the host to say "no" and they are forced to say yes because then if you say you can't make it since you can't bring the extra kids, they are stuck unable to invite another friend. In a scenario of small numbers, this may be a disaster for the kid and the dynamics.
Rude all around. That's why we have manners - it works. Try it.

Yes then take both kids to the trampoline place independently and don't claim you are part of the party. You are invited to a birthday, not to a random meet up in a trampoline place.
The same way you wouldn't bring your sister to your friends birthday he didn't invite her to just because it's in a pub and a pub is for everyone.
You can do whatever you like, and I'm sure you will, judging by your tone, but tbe OP, asked if its outrageous and rude and we are saying that its yes outrageous and rude. And I can assure you that people who think like you are entitled takers. Everyone like that was purely about themselves. Think of other people, at least occasionally.

CF crowbarring typical persona
-2 involved parents at home who are off work at the weekend
-Two sets of grandparents living locally and very involved, plus other family and friends with kids
-Affluent or very afflluent
-Invited kid age 7,8, 9, mature for.their age, being on sleepovers from young age, left at home, and free access to.screens and media
-lists mosts ridiculous allergies and preferences
-no SEN in kids
-giver of £3.5 present

-does whenever there is an opportunity to maximise things for.themselves
-does it to people they deem unimportant for their social climbing, consistentlj
-will ask a day or two before the party so you are trapped not able to say no and invite your kids actual friends instead.

-will not be reciprocal during their own kids birthday

Apologies for random formatting

I was all ready to blame the extra siblings for when poor Noah's gluten free meal which I'd ordered specially got ransacked, but it turns out it was Sophia's dad.

Indeed decided by their CF parent (not the birthday child nor the birthday child's family). As a very small courtesy and to help save the atmosphere, dynamics and effort for the host, the CF should at least keep them by their side and not have them joining in with stuff. In a situation, for instance, hall + entertainer - how does the entertainer then know who's a guest and who is not (some go around trying to involve kids on the sidelines), so we are back to square one they shouldn't be there in the first place.
Or if we are doing premade food boxes or ordering pizza for certain number - do we pay for an extra whole pizza for this kid. Or a billion other scenarios.
If not invited, do not crowbar your way in.

Well a playdate is just the same as birthday in terms of both the amount of effort and how special it is.

I also bet those playdates with siblings are for where it's a playdate for you with the mum rather than freely chosen by the child.

Good for you..here is a clap full for admiration for you for being able to afford to send your kids to a school with very few kids per class.
We are talking about kids in schools with 30-32 in the class's (where they probably still learn more and better than in your money pit)..

It’s rude to ask as it puts the host in a difficult position. We started parties when they started school and they were drop off and go so parents had no excuse in trying to bring a sibling.
When they were young, DT’s had joint all class parties so we had about 40 guests - I definitely wasn’t going to agree to siblings. DT’s wanted a party with their friends and not their friends family.

I wouldn’t do it but it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. Can’t believe a parent would feel like this unless very put out or financially strapped in which case you could just say “I’m so sorry , I don’t have enough party bags. There’s always food left over . In fact when we have play dates I usually invite siblings so parents can have @Cat345 you made another child very happy , it’s a good thing. Was it just one extra person ?

Not wanted at a trampoline park? Tough, unless you're hiring the place there will be other children there. You can't insist other parents don't buy a ticket for their sibling.

"Not wanted there" is so weird a concept to me. Often where numbers are limited it's through cost or convenience, not because the host specifically doesn't want them there.

There is more than one trampoline park in the country, pretty sure of that.

This place sometimes 🙄

Also

Although my DS did once join, uninvited, a party - I’m still not totally sure if it was a genuine error as the birthday boy had the same first name as one of his friends or he was chancing his arm a bit but he sat down and sang happy birthday with great gusto to the kid and was given a party bag and cake … which I did return when he came to me very pleased with himself.

Your uninvited child shouldn't have got that far, you should have stopped him getting the party bag and cake in the first place as he could have taken that from another party guest. The soft play may have done them and only had the exact number.

It is but it’s also quite horrible for a child to be at a party but not allowed food (I’m assuming close in age to the actual guest) and not allowed food parents can find someone to look after siblings. If it’s a drop off party you can eliminate this problem

There's loads of soft plays round this way, one is exclusive hire for a party and paid for per person, so it would be rude to turn up with siblings to this one as it's closed to the public, the siblings would be classed as public. The other soft play would remain open and you can pay extra for a sibling, I still would not allow my unvited child to go in to the party room and expect food.

However, in the past, a couple of people have dropped out the morning of said party and I have text those parents I know have siblings to say, Billy is not well so you're welcome to bring Tom's brother along.

It’s really rude. I even find asking to bring siblings a bit rude tbh because there’s an expectation you have to say yes even if you don’t want to. And I feel for the kids who never get to do anything without their siblings tagged on or being the one tagging along (this was me as a child).

Ffs, no invite = not wanted there, so dont ask.

have half the posters just arrived from the moon or something.

In our school the norm is to invite siblings to whole class parties. None of us are on tight budgets (London prep) and it's a nice vibe to have younger siblings involved, and it's a social occasion for parents too. Parties tend to be in hired halls with entertainment, and usually don't cost more per child. A few parties have been for more specific numbers and exclude siblings, but they usually aren't for the whole class. Our school is small so party numbers with siblings is still usually under 25.

As a host I always expect to provide food, play and party bags for siblings. It doesn't cost much more and it's just nice to do, they always look happy to be involved. But I wouldn't expect it, and not everyone else does.

And why can you not drop off a kid for a garden party in someones house? Especially somewhere rural and safe?
Their child didn't choose your kids siblings as their guests, why make the birthday child have unwanted kids there? In situations where we allow our children choose whom they invite (normal parenting, not helicoptering overcontrolling gentle"parenting scenario where guests are decided by the mother and usually are made up of her own friends' kids ad opposed to who the kid wants). As other PPs have said, the kid often says "I want to play with so and so at my party", and thats who's invited, so your other kids crowbarring their way is entitled and in really poor taste. They may be shy and only want say 3, 5 or 7 kids there etc .
You "expect" too much and are too full of yourself. I wouldn't invite you again.

If you book a soft play centre or trampoline party then paid extras are allowed. I've always used any no shows to cover the costs of siblings of I can.

If you book an activity that's numbers limited it's very easy to explain that.

These days I make the situation clear in the invitation, saying 'paid siblings welcome' or "can't accommodate siblings due to capacity limits" etc. Easy.

Food and party bags are only given if there are spares. I often do spares.