AIBU - siblings at parties!

What actually is wrong with someone taking their child to a public soft play and paying for them to enter as normal while their sibling is in a different bit of it at a party?

I’m with you @OP.When I throw a party I always invite siblings if I know parent may struggle for childcare.
Ive been FUMING with my ex husband for taking two extra children when only one of our three is invited. I think I’m slowly getting through to him.

I'd argue it's also entitled to not pay for exclusive use of a party venue and to get upset if non-parity guests play to use the same venue.

This post perfectly illustrates the point that CF's are frequently so entitled and lacking in basic self-awareness that they simply do not have the capacity to recognise that there is anything wrong with their behaviour.

Yes that's why they'd have to ask if possible to drop them - the parent running the party may not be able to supervise them.

Yes, some kids do care, you are being entitled and you are teaching them to disrespect other people's boundaries. The good thing is it'll come and bite you. Decent people will always stay away from people like you and in many cases inviting you will be the mistake people will make only once.

Don't forget to bring them to your work Christmas party too or the next childfree wedding. Why should you teach them to gatecrash just your kids classmates parties (people that don't matter to you) when there are plenty other opportunities to maximise one's enjoyment. Most people see bullies like this for what they are from a mile off. And kids taught to be that self absorbed are never happy.

Maybe we are all just lucky round here. I've never been at a party where there wasn't a few people happy to temporarily supervise other children, have done so myself. Siblings older than the birthday child are therefore covered at a soft play, children younger are generally only babies or toddlers so aren't sitting down at the table anyway.

I have never been at a party where siblings were any issue at all. And yes that includes 3 village hall style and 2 softplay ones that I've hosted.

I think the whole asking to bring siblings along is so cheeky and unreasonable. If every child invited to the party did so you would be doubling the amount of food etc that you’d need!

If you can’t find childcare for the other sibling do a drip and go for the party or trade off with another parent at the party and take it in turns to take the two children who are invited and the other parent stays home with the two younger siblings.

Urgh I hate this. I feel put on the spot and have had parents drop and run leaving both children - including a child I don’t know - with me so they are my responsibility.

It's still assuming that somebody else will supervise your child, though; and not easy if they're very little and they get upset if their own parent isn't there with them.

It's still going to be awkward and maybe a but unpleasant, though, when the extra child is told that there's no food for them.

Maybe the parent will happily order and pay - although the food may well not come out at the same time then - but a lot of the entitled parents who expect an invitation to one of their children to include all of their children will get funny about the host parent not magically enabling the siblings to have a meal too; or what if they don't have any money with them or can't afford to pay for the sibling's meal(s)?

Even if the parent does instantly jump in to order and pay for the extra child(ren)'s food, they've still gatecrashed a party to which at least one of their children wasn't invited. If it's a group of kids who all regularly play together, then there's an extra child - who may be quite a different age - whom only one of the party children knows, it's still going to be awkward.

Notice the word 'most'.

I feel it’s better for kids to do things separately- if I was the invitee I might be annoyed my sibling came to MY friends parties!
Yes it’s totally rude. And I’d be reluctant to say yes even if they did ring in advance and offer to pay. Many places have limits, the sibling is not a friend of the party girl/boy.
Most of the time parties are at the weekend and hopefully the other parent can look after the siblings. If not I’d be looking around for a play date the sibling can go to or see if I could drop and leave my child at the party.

I see it as elitist when despite the venue being public, you resent the presence of a paid for sibling. It's not about money or food, so is it that you are enjoying the exclusion? Kids don't care if there are other kids around. Not once have my kids complained about extras, not once ever. It's not a golf club, it's 7 year olds on trampolines. Let them play.

Of course it's rude and entitled to include a child who wasn't invited.

Bringing a sibling with you is fine, when you are dealing with normal parents, they keep the siblings, and bring books/ tablets/ snacks and keep the sibling well away from the party.

Siblings take turn too, they understand that it's not their party, next time it will be reversed and their siblings will be waiting on the side.

When it makes no difference if the sibling is there, you are fine. When it somehow becoming a thing, then it's not acceptable. Sadly CF are everywhere.

There's always been enough parents around that the siblings can stay with someone in the main bit. Been to plenty of parties at soft play where siblings came and were said for by their parents and nobody has ever gatecrashed the meal room.

It’s never ok to just turn up with a sibling in tow if you’re planning to stay.

As far as asking the host goes, I think it depends on the circumstances. My DC are both autistic and won’t stay at parties unless I do, and sometimes DH just isn’t available to leave one of them with. If it’s a particular friend who’d be really upset at not having DD/DS there , and I knew the parents reasonably well, then I’d explain the circumstances and if it was soft play or something I’d offer to pay for the other child to stay and Id insist on sorting their own food. If it was a general class party or I didn’t know the parent that well, I’d probably just say no to going.

If you really see a guest list as elitist, there’s no arguing with you.
Bonkers.

That's lovely!

My eldest DD is friends with an autistic boy. Every time he's gone to her parties when they were little, he always brought his older sister. If he can't bring his older sister, his mum doesn't let him go to the party. But the sister never demanded a party bag or a cake, she just came to look out for him.
And that's fine with me, the sister is nice

Cross posted but I've covered your points in my answer anyway.

Clearly my parties aren't as elitist as others.

It's just bad manners.

They normally pre-order individual hot meals where we are, so the extra child only gets food if the parent buys it.

Both parks by us feed the kids in the public cafe. Parents regularly eat there alongside the party table. They're not allowed adults on the park to supervise them.

The issue where we are is the closest park is 30mins from the school so it's not worth dropping and going, it's also in the middle on an industrial estate so there's nowhere nearby to entertain extra kids. It's no big deal.