AIBU - siblings at parties!

Also, there’s this general underlying sense of parents just not wanting to say ‘no’ to their child. I don’t really get it, it’s not teaching them any resilience.

My DD asked why she wasn’t going to a party my son was invited to. I calmly explained that the invite said his name, it’s a friend in his class, you are doing something fun with Dad, you will get your turn when you start school, and no your brother won’t be taken to yours, My DD at 3 completely got this, zero fuss.

Fast forward to an uninvited sibling in her Nursery class turning up at my son’s party. His Mum had a go at me in front of other parents that she’d had to pay his entrance, despite invite explicitly stating that. I stood my ground, yes actually you do need to pay. She then told me her children were ‘bored’ during the lunch, could they go and play? She then presented me with her sobbing, uninvited child demanding that he wanted birthday cake now. I had to explain to him that the rules of the soft play was that it has to go in the party bags, and he would need to wait for 5 mins, which he accepted and Mum thanked me for 😂 I did not blame this child one bit, his Mum’s behaviour throughout was appalling. Beyond entitled and rude. What is she teaching her child?

I did wonder what my lovely, unspoilt DD would have thought of all this, who I would never even have taken in the first place! It actually really annoyed me, as we would both have been far more polite guests than this pair!!!

And some people refuse to comprehend that a soft play is a public place and someone bringing another child who they are paying for is doing nothing that invalidates the terms of that invitation.

And that for some of us (everyone in my children's school for instance) also considers age hall type invitations to be fine to accommodate siblings and are actually allowed to choose not to be offended by siblings coming.

Apparently we are all too stupid to make the decision not to be offended though and our failure to be offended makes us boundary tramplers and raisers of sex offenders.

It’s well established etiquette that the invitation is extended to the named person only.
It’s the muppets who don’t understand this that cause the issues, not the hosts who assume the parents of the invited child can read and don’t have either comprehension issues or social impairments.
Clearly they’re being far too optimistic.

I will never understand why people can't just say what they mean. Siblings not ok? Fine. Say. Siblings welcome? Fine. Say. Don't dance around the topic with subtle hints then moan when people don't get it.

For implying that people on here are raising kids that sexually assault others because they attend soft play at the same time as a party.

It's nasty and batshit.

How do you know they weren't invited though? Maybe they were? What kind of party was it. If it's something per head then yes it's cheeky but if it's a hall party, I'm sure it wouldn't be an issue as long as the parent asked.

I went to a party over the weekend..both my kids were invited but it was only one of their friends class party. We know the family so they kindly invited both kids and even my baby! So you shouldn't really assume unless you know the full facts. We even got given a party bag for the baby! I did get a few side eyes having two kids at the class party but we were all invited.

Oh I'm fine thank you. There's no point taking something so utterly nonsensical as hurtful.

That was awful. I hope you're alright.

Reported for what?

Reported. I have read some hideous nonsense on here but this is way over the line.

Ah I see, thank you, I thought you were arguing against my point.

Someone who has extrapolated from me saying that I have no problem with other children coming to my children's parties that I'm an evil person with no boundaries and am raising a future sex offender. Yeah, I'm checking if they are ok. It's far enough from any degree of rationality to be a fair question.

Are you ok? Seriously??

Even if they'd asked your entertainer may have had restrictions on numbers as many do. Bouncy castles don't take unlimited kids either for safety.

So sending 3 extra uninvited guests was a thoughtless thing on behalf of the parents.
Many assume it's free for all in the hall which isn't case.

ruds to take my child to a soft play area , pay for her and bit her food if she wants it where my other child is going to a party there. Yeah that’s rude!!

What does that have to do with what I've just said?

Like I’ve had said about 4 times already on this thread!! They have only ever been invited to parties at soft play as they are still young. So yes I have asked if I can bring one and pay for their entry and any food they want there. It’s a public play area so any child can go

Did you have a bouncy castle or entertainer? Both will have limits on numbers.

I hosted a birthday party yesterday for my DD (3) at a local village hall, 3 people turned up with an extra sibling without asking. I had made specific party bags, wrapped specific amount of layers for the pass the parcel etc. Made specific amounts of picnic boxes. I wouldn't have minded at all if they had asked me in advance, as I have had to do when I've worked and my DH has been left with my two and he's had to take both to parties. Not even bothering to ask is just beyond rude.

Solo Parent so often take other child. Always pay and buy a meal that’s eaten separately.

There is someone in my son’s class who pulls this all time though - she has a husband and two grandparents who help but pleads poor me. She’s just had a third as well .

We had a mum turn up late, after the food had been ordered, then park a sibling on the table opposite the birthday dc in a horse show arrangement. We had to lift him out of the way to do the birthday cake. It was incredibly rude as the invited dc was old enough to be left. She was quite a selfish, disrespectful person though generally.

I've lost count of the number of times I've witnessed this at kids' parties. I'd never do this myself and think they've got a nerve.

You don't know this Beanie. They all have different terms. One hall with have a different contract and terms from the next. Same with trmpolinenpark or soft play. You do know whose name is on the invite so that's who you take (or not). Anything else is rude.

I think it depends on the type of party. If it’s a whole class tie in a hall it’s not so bad and if not mind. If it’s a trampoline party with set places yes. Recently we had a mum ask to bring their elder son 12. It was a 7 yo party. I said no problem assumed it was a childcare issue. However then both parents came along and dropped both kids off and went car shopping. The brother then proceeded to wind up his little sister!!! I had a word with him but quite frankly I didn’t have time to parent them as I have to sort out the food! It was not described as a drop off party either.

Just don't ask unless you are absolutely stuck and then you could just decline, offer to drop and go or ask another staying parent to keep an eye.

Along with tens of other ways already mentioned that put the host out- entertainers have often a limit on numbers, whether is 12 or 30, and at some point some contracts terme require two entertainers or increase in fees if you go even one above the number.

Some places will just do 6 and that's It, etc. It's not the hosts obligation to run it by you and to explain it all to you.

With the poor manners in society, while many don't bother to reply to RSVP, and are unable to commit, you don't know how many will come till last minute, so if invited tbe whole class , and you are asking me about a spare kid, I'm above and that puts me in a shitty position of having two entertainers because of your kid in case all invited so come- the fact I won't have confirmed till last minute.
Same with hall 30 or 10 or 5 doesn't matter, they may be the limit for the hall and the parents.

You just don't know what arrangement the host has for their party and what contracts and suppliers in place so just accept that only the invitee is invited and don't push your way in putting the host in the awkward position of either having to apologise to you or explain what terms they booked.

Same with softplay. Some require you supervise the kid in the party, not the sibling in the corner if you do manage to keep them away.

It's rude to put the host in this position just because you don't understand how parties work. Just accept that they invited whom they invited and they had their reason. You can have a big and long party for all your kid's friends and their siblings and parents or carerss and grandparents including neighbours and the whole year at school. Just wait till it's your turn and I'm sure that's what you'll do, the open minded gregarious bringers of uninvited siblings.