AIBU - siblings at parties!

If you have a class of thirty and all thirty turn up and all thirty have two siblings then yes. But statistically that’s really not very likely.

It's all very well saying that you bring siblings but they don't have food or a party bag, unless there happens to be spare... young kids naturally won't understand why the other kids (including their sibling) can eat and get a gift and they don't.

Also, it's hardly conducive to a fun atmosphere to have other hungry/disappointed (possibly moaning/wailing) children looking on longingly.

You've provided for everybody who was invited and accepted; but somehow it's still you who end up looking like the bad guy.

So at my DS’s last soft play party, despite a the invitations clearly stating siblings would need to pay entrance, one Mum stormed up to me very cross about this on the day. I stood my ground and calmly explained that yes, she would need to pay, I’d paid enough. But it ruined it for me, it upset and embarrassed me in front of other parents. Several who witnessed it said they now wouldn’t be doing one after how I was spoken to, they thought it was awful.

Another Mum actually wanted to do a Lush pay per head party for her DD, but told me she didn’t feel she could as ‘what would she do when people turned up with siblings?’ I thought that was such a shame that stopped her doing what her actual child ours like to do.

Link in with another parent whose child has been invited and see if your child can go with them? If it’s a friendship group you must know some other partners at least for some of these parties?

Why does it? Like I said whenever I have done it I have paid for my child, never would I expect the party child’s parent to pay. She doesn’t join in with the party due to her being very shy and autistic, she just plays alone then I will buy her food there if she wants it.

We would go as 2 parents so one with each child. I would get my 8 year old food at the cafe. I'm not leaving her at home if it's an open venue. She enjoys softplay. She plays by herself as she has social difficulties and doesn't go into the party room. For my DSs birthday we had an open venue softplay and I said people could bring siblings if they paid on the door for them. I haven't taken her to any parties where numbers are limited and never expect her to get a party bag.

I always try to make sure there's somebody to look after my other DC if we get a party invitation, but on the odd occasion I can't then I would politely ask if it's ok to bring a sibling, and if I do ask, I always say in the same text that I would pay for and feed the other child, and no party bag is expected, etc. When I've had to do this, the parent has been fine with it and they've always given the sibling a party bag too. So when we've had parties I've done the same for any that do ask to bring siblings, just because it's nice.

This is very different to the CFs that just turn up and expect the additional child to be hosted without asking. Where it hasn't been asked, it is rude and annoying, and entitled!

Don't you just drop and go? Assuming they are school ages kids?

Im not a single parent but DH worked Saturdays when most parties where so I had no childcare either. I would also drop and go if I couldn't find childcare for other DC. What if you have more than 2 kids - would you ask for all siblings? Where do you draw the line?

That's a kind thing to do, but any parents who expect this are being a tad entitled imho.

Anywhere where you are paying admission for example a soft play centre, leave a list of the invitees names that you are paying for at the reception/check in desk and be clear with the staff that those are the only entrants you are paying for. That way anyone else or uninvited siblings will have to be paid for by their parents. The first time we did a soft play party we invited 26 kids. When we went to pay the invoice was for 34 kids with food added on top mean g those extra siblings ha d cost us over £100. - some parents just see it as an afternoon of free entertainment for the siblings. We now always leave a list of names and our soft play has wised up to this too and ask parents to leave a list and check the kids on the list I to the party food room. Any extras not on the list are not permitted until the party parent has been asked. Sounds harsh but no worse than all the cf who take advantage. Nobody has to bring siblings. Just ask if it’s ok to drop and run or ask a friend d to supervise your child. As adults we would t want uni cited guests rocking up to our private party so why should kids have to accept it?

I always did a couple of extra bags if I had stuff left over. If no sibs turned up I'd give them to parents when I knew there was a sibling at home.

I've noticed there aren't as many class parties these days but I never put it down to the sibling thing. More cost of living making parties prohibitively expensive for some people and parents being busier as more people need to work more these days.

CF sometimes try this.
They are told absolutely not the door.

Infact some might write it on the invite so it is crystal clear.

Very rude to bring an extra child.

When my children were a lot younger we tended to do village hall parties with no limit on guests and I would invite siblings of my children’s friends as I know it’s just easier to manage. Not they’re older primary school age we tend to do things like climbing, soft play where parents can drop
and run. They can of course pay for siblings to use the facilities. I’d always share left over food with siblings if they’re around too.

I agree it’s rude and have never done this. I avoid taking DC to each other’s friends parties because I think it’s important they have separate social lives and understand they don’t always have to do the same thing, and to have some independence. I remember being a massive pain when I’d tag along to my older sisters friends parties and can understand how annoying and embarrassing it was for them to essentially babysit me instead of enjoying the party with their friends. I have been asked by parents if a sibling can join and sometimes say yes, sometimes say no depending on DC preferences, venue, age of the sibling, budget etc. I always appreciate and respect a parent for asking first, rather than just assuming.

Why? They would have asked your other kid if they'd wanted her or him there. No invite = you are not invited. No need to ask.
You are earning yourself a CF reputation. Are you prepared to invite their siblings in return or is it only for you as you are so spesh?
Sounds like you should be supervising your 5 year old rather than 8 year old? And making sure the 5 year old plays with friends rather than with the sibling - which is why thr bitthday kid invited her? Thr birthday kid might not want that other kid there, taking away from her playing with her friends. If you ignore the fact you are just crowding the party.
What happens then to the invitee and the uninvited sibling when they go in the party room for food, cake, bags, etc?
Rude, so rude.

All the parties DS has been to have been full of siblings. It seems the norm where I live. When DS had a party I made extra food and party bags for them all and it wasn’t a problem.

They’ve all been village hall type parties though - no big, pay-per-person type places.

Some parents here have found the sibling/total number issue so awkward that they have opted out of doing parties altogether, which is a shame.
That is a shame. It's never been awkward in my experience. Someone messages and days "thanks for the invitation, I'll need to being [sibling] too, obviously will pay her softplay entry. Hope that's ok" and you reply "of course, no worries". Because it doesnt affect the party at all.

If it's a village hall one it's similar but they will usually say something about don't worry about feeding sibling and the host will point out there's always food left over so it's also no big deal.

It's a really minor issue.

If it was a pay per head activity that's different but they don't tejd to happen here till they are a bit older and as they've got older parents don't stay anyway so it's an issue with a short shelf life.

It’s a tricky one as I understand it isn’t always possible to stay if you have another child. My beef is when they change the party dynamics. At my last DS birthday we had two sibling toddlers who constantly ran around with the party kids then screamed when they accidentally got knocked over. Then screamed again when they were not chosen by the party planners. Then screamed again when cake came out and it wasn’t for them. Parents didn’t have to stay either.

People should ask really. I would never impose another child myself but recognise childcare can be an issue. However, when we do parties we always make provision for few extra.

Maybe the quote dropped off, it happens sometimes.

I have a lot to say about this one!

Personally, one of us takes our invited child, the other does something else with our other child. When either me or my DH has been on our own with both, we ask the host in advance, making it clear we understand if it’s a no to bring the other and pay, we also offer to just drop off our invited child. The problem here is even though my eldest is in Year 1, nobody will drop and go. I would be very happy to host a drop and go or leave mine, but nobody will.

Here it seems to be the norm that parents pay sibling entry if it’s at soft play but they join in with the food (I don’t mind that as there is always far too much food). I did find it rude 2 parents didn’t let me know they were bringing a sibling though.

Funnily enough, my DD has just had her first party with an entertainer (limit 20) in a hall. She made it very clear she explicitly wanted siblings invited, as she knows a lot as they are her older brother’s friends. I went with this, and also as they are only 3 I did prefer parents to stay, so thought fair enough as they may have nobody to look after the other child. 2 single Mums did let me know in advance, they were so polite and really checked if I minded, explained their situation. Actually, 1 who came with all 4 children was amazing, her elder ones were a huge help with the younger ones and she offered to help me clear up after, they were a pleasure to host. For me it’s all about the communication in advance, not just turning up with extra guests.

So there were 16 children at DD’s party, but it did make me wonder when she makes more friends as she gets older how this will be with entertainer limits. It ultimately should be about the child who’s birthday it us surely- would they like siblings as part of the total guest number or not? I feel that’s got lost a bit. My parties as a child were just for my actual friends in my class.

My son’s soft play party cost £250 for 12, it would have been another £100 if I’d had to pay for siblings on the day, so it is unreasonable to expect the host to do that. I would never expect another parent to do that. One actually offered to have cover my DD recently (son’s best friend), as someone couldn’t make it, I wasn’t even planning on taking her so it was a lovely gesture and bonus, but absolutely not expected.

Some parents here have found the sibling/total number issue so awkward that they have opted out of doing parties altogether, which is a shame.

It seemed quite a specific reply though

Anyone who asks if siblings can come?

I think you have to judge each party separately. Sports activities where it's a certain number of kids, no way. Village Hall party I probably wouldn't assume but might ask if I was friendly with the parent. Softplay where venue is open anyway to the public, yes I'm bringing my other child and would pay separately for them, but they wouldn't be in the room for food or in the line for a party bag. It's common sense usually. It's difficult because my DS is 5 and at prime whole class party age and gets a lot of invitations. My DD is 8 and autistic and doesn't get invited to parties anymore so if she can go too I jump at the chance as it makes her happy. But I wouldn't assume.