I felt like I got shut down in a weird way by my DIL

I don't think there is anything wrong with that but OP said she was taking her son out to acknowledge how hard he worked. I can understand why that would upset the daughter in law

I understand how she feels. Looking after a baby every day is as hard as going out to work, and I would argue sometimes it's even harder.
I understand that you weren't thinking and didn't intend to hurt your daughter in law. But I understand her frustration.
Does she like baseball? If so I would have just given them the tickets.

Unfortunately she’s just doubling down.

sure she does but let’s not kid ourselves that it definitely sends some kind of message that the son is deserving of his efforts and her DIL does nothing but jack shit all day. The DIL is family too and the mother of her GC Howcome MIL doesn’t I don’t know take her out to lunch something to show she appreciates her? It always shocks me on here to see that DILs are expected to be treated like a coworker or an acquaintance at best or just the tag along with her son. I’m thankful my MIL doesn’t treat me like this. She knows both members of the couple are integral to the running of a household and family and wouldn’t dream of just recognizing my husabnd’s efforts while overlooking mine. I would be hurt and confused if she did.

Too right .

You're being ridiculous. OP is perfectly entitled to do something just with and for her son. Provided she treats her DIL decently I really don't see a problem here. I haven't had time to RTFT but presumably DIL also does things with her family. Two people don't turn into some sort of conjoined single unit just because they get married and start a family.

Oh, and to address comments you made in previous posts, 'having' one's child 'alllll day' is kind of what parenthood is about when children are little. It does my head in when people suggest mums are oppressed martyrs who should be in line for some sort of sainthood simply for doing what they presumably decided they wanted to do when they made the decision to have kids.

@Disturbia81

i know right! So weird and controlling.

you really need to do some self reflecting @ForBusyZebra

That’s a very balanced view @Hsisbdh6383. I think the reason your Mil comments on your bloke looking tired is because she notices how he looks more. You never stop worrying about your child, however old they are. Mine celebrated his half century this year and I still worry about him!

I think you've hit the nail on the head that the messaging is the issue here. I don't mind in the least when my husband does things with his mum, I actively encourage it. But if she had said to me 'I'm taking my son out for a treat because he works so hard and he's such an amazing dad' when I was the one looking after the child full time I might feel a bit like my efforts weren't being recognised.

It's like how it always slightly irritates me when my mother in law is very solicitous over my husband looking tired and points out how hard he's been working. He does work hard, but I'm the one doing all the night wakes and day to day care of our baby. It's not that I don't want her to recognise his efforts, but in general in society men get a lot of praise for the routine work of parenting where women are expected to just get on with it or are criticised for not doing even more. Your DIL may be seeing your day out with your son in that light. (I should say my MIL is a wonderful woman and I love her dearly - this is a minor irk which I look past because she's so great).

Anyway, it sounds like you all have healthy communication and have dealt with a point of friction effectively, which is a sign that you're a good MIL. I don't think you've done anything terrible, it's just been a prickly situation which has been resolved.

I think you are entitled to spend some time with just your son and I hope he did actually ask her if it was ok and not just assume. Sounds like they get a lot of babysitting to me but I can see her point about feeling underappreciated - not totally sure that is your job though and your son should step up. Seems like it is all resolved though - she told you how she felt, you apologised and have offered more babysitting

god i'd be pissed off with young babies /kids if my MIL took my husband out on a weekend! when he could have been helping at home - for a day out. Yes it was thoughtless, try and remember how tiring those days are.

@HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012@Cherrytree86I think that poster must be a MIL hater to have such weird views.

@ForBusyZebra

what do you mean “little family”? Does your mother stop being your family because she is outside of your husband and kids?? What about your husbands parents? Do they get relegated from the status of family when grandkids come along (although not I bet when you want babysitting from them!) And friends! Well they are deffo not family! Are you and your husband allowed friends or do you worry this detracts from “family time”?

What? Are you saying she is never allowed to spend time alone with her son from now on because he is married? Is the DIL allowed alone time with her mother? I for one would be very upset if my husband told me that I can't spend alone time with my parents and would feel that he is being controlling and abusive.

Where did I say it was the case here? I said it reminds me of the rhyme.

It’s mad that the poster thinks her relationship with her children is more important than her in laws relationship with their child/ren (her husband). It’s unbelievably selfish.

I cannot understand how you thought it was ok for you to socialise during the week but insist your husband only socialise with you at the weekend.

I spent my first maternity leave at baby groups etc. Had a great time during the week. We saw my in-laws almost every weekend. It was important to me that we did so as I knew that they were keen to see baby. To have people interested in your child is an absolute privilege and a joy. I also treat my MIL as I’d like to be treated. My husband loves his mother, it’s lovely to see and I hope that my son and I have a good relationship when he is an adult.

If my future DIL or SIL were to tell my child that they could only see me with extended family Id be devastated. How cruel. I’m not my son’s cousin, I’m his mother, I grew him and raised him and I have as much interest in him & his life as DIL/SIL has in their child’s.

As a Mother of grown boys who are married. I don't think you did anything wrong. She's feeling a bit left out and sees you spend time with your son. Maybe her family aren't interested enough to do the same for her. I'd offer a babysitting day so she could go and do whatever she wants to do, see friends or family, whatever. If she'd prefer a date night/day I'd offer babysitting for that.

I noticed this too.. we’re siding with her the MIL yet she keeps disputing our posts

You must have known your DIL would be upset that she left on her own.

I think it's great she can tell you this and you have been able to reflect on it. I know my mil would have taken umbrage at it. Shows you have a good relationship. Also shows your son is a little top comfy thinking of himself

Wow that’s wild! So then how will you ever know if your in laws love and affection for you is genuine. If a MIL tells her DIL she loves her like a daughter the DIL will never know if that’s actually true or not. I tend to be able to read people really well so I can read through fake news easily

This with bells on.

I imagine they be dancing a jig.

Keep telling yourself that.

You clearly don't know how domestic abuse works since you're expecting your DPs family to tell him he's being abused and be cold towards you.

That's the opposite of how people usually respond. They placate, befriend, don't make waves, tell the abuser they love them.

An extreme example but Fred Wests eldest surviving daughter Anna-Marie was repeatedly rated by her Dad and Rose from the age of 6.

He gave her away at her wedding and gave a father of the bride speech and the most famous picture of Fred and Rose as a couple is at her wedding.

I guarantee if your DP left you his family would be over the moon. They're keeping you on side because they know you're in control and abusive and it's safer for their loved one to still have some family contact as you would clearly love for it to stop completely but you find it hard to make that happen when everyone does exactly what you want all of the time.

You are being totally ridiculous