I felt like I got shut down in a weird way by my DIL

But you aren't her Mother. I suppose all DIL / MIL relationships are different, but no way would I want a 'girly' day with my MIL. I think she imagined is shopping together etc but she isn't my Mother. You should be able to take your son out whenever you want. If him being away on a Saturday annoyed her then she could have arranged a day where he minds the kids while she goes out and has a break. Can you imagine him getting annoyed with her Father because he takes her out for the day and doesn't take him out to do man things together? Too much pressure is put on the MIL / DIL relationship in my opinion. It's a bit sexist because men aren't expected to have the same relationship. Are you in America? Maybe that's why this is such a close relationship. Maybe there are different expectations there.

I agree. I’m now a grandmother and I should be focusing on supporting both parents and the family unit as a whole. I did apologize to my DIL

I am so confused as to why you started this thread let alone how it’s continued so long.

YANBU you ask the person you are taking out and that person discusses it with thier spouse surely? Would DIL's mother discuss plans with OP's DS before taking her out? Of course she wouldn't! If my mum asked permission from DH to take me out I would find it a bit odd to be honest, I'll ask DH if he is OK to take the DCs.

DILs issue is with her DH, if she needs him to step up she needs to discuss that with him, if she wants OP to do more babysitting than she is already doing she needs to ask her. Not tell her off for wanting to do something nice with her child every so often.

I think you did a nice thing with your son. He checked that there would be childcare.

You already look after the little one monthly and seem like you're happy to do care for your grandchild more often if required.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You're a decent mother looking after your sons welfare. Your daughter in law gets a lot of help from her parents so nothing to worry about.

I do too. I think "MIL" is defending DIL and criticising herself too much.

This

I am also going against the grain.

Many adult daughters see their parents individually. Why any different?

Sounds like the two of you going out is very rare and normally you baby-sit? Is this a one off? Surely a mother can go to one game/match with her adult child without being made to feel they've done wrong? Especially when that grandparent baby-sits (for free I'm presuming?) monthly so that her son & DIL can go out? I think DIL is taking her own frustration out in the wrong place.

Come now. When we had a six month old baby, admittedly 30 years ago now, staying at home and playing was much much easier than dh's 12 hour, high pressure days. So he got some him time, he used to go to football anyway on Saturday afternoons and I never minded because he needed it. I got a lie in on Saturday mornings.

I really don't think the OP did anything wrong.

Why do I get the feeling that this is a reverse? 🤨

It does not sound so bad. I cannot believe this couple gets help from both sides and there is complaining. This is coming from someone who has a toddler at the moment and never had help from either side, ever.

When MIL visits as a guest and I have prepared the food, play the role of hostess and looking after DC because MIL doesn’t play with DC (she only has ability to lift a coffee cup filled with coffee I made), she makes a fuss how amazing of a dad DH is and says this in cards or gives DC a book that is from a dad’s point-of-view.

I’m privately a little eye-rolling because realistically, I do most of the load and work full-time. But I smile and say what lovely presents. I’ve never had anyone from my parents or MIL tell me what a great role I am doing. I think there is an element that is taken for granted when a mum.

I have also told MIL she’s a great mum and grandmother so she feels warm and fuzzy. But I stopped that since I never get any acknowledgment as a DIL, DH’s wife or a mum to her grandchild.

I realised at the end of the day, MIL doesn’t need to include me in her report card of who is doing a good job.

That’s the father’s responsibility not the OP’s.

OP, you’re a mil so are the default spawn of satan on here.

Contrary to the MN narrative, you are entitled to spend time with your son, and given you said you do babysit regularly it’s not as if you’re not an involved grandparent.

You did nothing wrong.

Whilst I voted you were being unreasonable the more I've read the more I can see it from all sides. As much as having a baby is a transition for the parents, it's also a transition for the wider family, especially those that play a role in their relatives every day lives. I think it's lovely she was able to approach you with how she was feeling and also lovely that you're already thinking of ways to makes things better both for your daughter in law and the family unit.
They're very lucky to have you and her parents.

You took your son out on a Saturday.
That means your DIL was looking forward to some weekend time for herself, while your son looked after the baby. Presumably he works Mon to Fri.

But you took him out instead!
No wonder she's annoyed.