I felt like I got shut down in a weird way by my DIL

Son is deserving of a treat as a son. A mother and son can go out and have a nice time, especially if his work is stressful. She's his mum. She's taking care of his mental health AND spending time with her son. That's NICE. I recall reading she has parents, too.

Limited family time? I don't recall reading he works on an oil rig or away from home most of the month. Did I miss that?

I’m almost hoping the OP is a reverse. No one can be that tone deaf to not recognize parenting as a team effort.

👏👏👏

I'm pleased to see that you're considering your DIL's feelings now OP.

When I had three children under 6 my MIL definately made me feel worse. I was working, doing all of the cooking and housework and all the night shifft with the youngest and my MIL would go on and on about how hard her son worked.

Anyway, that's my rant! Enjoy babysitting your GD x

So the son is deserving of a treat as the father but the mother doing the brunt of parenting as a SAHM doesn’t? Ok got it. Way for MIL to completely cut into their limited family time together asking her son to leave his wife and child behind

Nope. DIL rightfully so called her MIL out on her toxic misogynistic BS. Why should dad like another poster put it get father of the year treatment for being a father when being a SAHM of a very young infant is a 24/7 job never mind the fact she is maintaining the house as well. Dad gets to clock out from his job then have a treat from mummy patting him on the bottom for working when he is a married man and father hello!! That’s what he should be doing. never mind that this little treat completely disregarded the position this would put her DIL in solo parenting again for the afternoon. Where is her break? I’m sure she is one of those MIL’s who praised her son because he changed one dirty diaper a week while she just expects her DIL to do it all. It’s a gross and misogynistic mindset. And DIL was right to call her out on her crap. DIL worded it a lot nicer than I would have in her shoes

Wild. Absolutely wild.

Feel sorry for the MIL, its nice to spend time with your children.
Also feel sorry for DIL - it doesn't sound like she's coping with normal life. Imagine all that help from family and this level of jealously over one time a MIL spends time with her son.
I read she has parents who babysit too. Wild.
The husband allegedly a good parent too.

Absolutely mindblowing.

Hopefully the MIL had a really good time with her son and DIL will get over it.

They can have that COUPLE TIME the once a month MIL babysits anyway and whenever her parents do.

Maybe DIL can ask her parents for some reassurance she's doing fine, or her DH. I forget people need reassurance but tbh the women I know are strong and get on with life. Reassurance? Celebration? DIL needs to discuss her needs with her DH.

Your DIL sounds like awesome - good for her!

Oh no doubt it’s what u refer to as a micro aggression passive aggressiveness. MIL doesn’t even realize what she is doing is a passive aggressive move to her DIL’s thankless efforts. I'd be furious if my MIL took my husband out for a 'treat' without considering the impact on me and our family time. Newsflash: being a SAHM is a 24/7 job, and it's not just about childcare - it's about managing the household, too. Meanwhile, dads get to clock out when they go to work, and yet they're the ones getting rewarded for doing what they're supposed to do. I'd definitely be having words with my husband if he let that slide, and I'd never stand for being treated like a babysitter while he's coddled.

Going forward, I'd make it clear to my MIL that I expect more respect and consideration. If she wants to spend time with the grandbaby, she'd need to ask me, not just assume I'm available. And if she wants to treat my husband to something, she'd better make sure I'm included or get something for me too. I wouldn't tolerate being overlooked or taken for granted. It's time for her to recognize the value I bring to this family, not just as a mother but as a partner and a person.

You offered to take your son out and it was up to him to say yes or no and would you babysit instead.

The daughter in law sounds really full of herself.

The fact she mentioned that it cut into time you could have potentially babysat, on top of all the other points she made, make it sound like she was laying it on rather too heavily. Glad that you worked it out.

Well your DIL nailed it right there.

I took my son to a baseball game recently because he’s been under a lot of pressure with work and he’s an awesome dad and I wanted to give him a bit of a break and my DIL felt like I should've offered to watch the baby so they could've gone on a date.

I bet your DIL gets all the daily grind and your son gets more of the nice bits than she does, so it sounds like it sticks in her craw that your son is Dad of the Year and her parenting doesn't get the same red carpet treatment.

Meant to add I think her anger is misplaced. She's angry at you not just for this particular incident but as the mother of her DH..She is holding you partly responsible for raising a man who would use his wife in this way, who's attitude to her labour is Deeply misogynistic and that she's stuck in this hopeless situation.
She sounds like she's crying out for some feminist support and to be seen as an equal by her DH/your son.

Your dil is mad at the wrong person. She's got a DH problem.
Yes it was probably a bit insensitive for you to take your son out and not think of treating your DIL as well, but ultimately her DH should of not gone with you..
All I'm seeing is a man who happily goes off on a Saturday with his mother and leaves his sahm wife to once again look after the house and baby.
He should be doing 50/50 housework during the week and childcare on the weekend. A sahm is a stay at home MOTHER, to the BABY, looking after the CHILD, not a trad wife doing everything so the man has an easy life at the woman's expense.

I'm shocked you didn't think about how your actions would affect your DIL. By taking your son to a baseball game without offering to watch the baby, you left her to solo-parent yet again. And let's not forget, with your son working long hours, their weekends are probably precious bonding time for their little family unit. Meanwhile, your DIL is working just as hard, if not harder, taking care of the household and the baby 24/7. By not recognizing her contributions and instead giving your son a special treat, it feels like you're valuing his efforts over hers, which is not only thoughtless but also misogynistic. It's like you only considered your son's needs and ignored the impact on your DIL and their family dynamics.

My MIlL tried to do similar when our kids were babies but it was to make a passive aggressive point. We both work and my husband isn’t a nob so contributes fairly but she is old fashioned (misogynistic) and thought that he deserved many breaks as having a penis should exclude him from all household and childcare tasks and he must be exhausted by doing nursery runs
etc. Luckily he didn’t take her up on the offers (she has never done childcare for us so
wouldn't offer that).

Is that what having a baby is like? Staying home and playing all day? I'm always told it's incredibly hard work but this sounds like a doddle.

Yes they are parents but they are still individuals too and they are both allowed to do things separate to the family so long as they get equal opportunities go do so. Is her own mother around? Does she not go out with her?

I would find it very odd indeed if DH expected my mum to devote equal time to both me and him. Sometimes a parent wants to spend a little time with thier child as an individual.

There are two issues here that need separating. Either she’s mad because you rewarded your son for working hard (and not her) or she’s mad because you took him away from sharing the burden of being a parent. If it’s the first I guess you can balance it out with a treat for her (although I would put money on her parents doing things for her alone and I bet they don’t ever reward your son separately the way you are planning to with your DIL). If it’s the second then I presume your son and DIL would have had a conversation about him going out with his mum and it would have been agreed between them, if not that is an issue between them and nothing to do with your invitation.

You don’t mention the age of your granddaughter I don’t think? Is there a chance your DIL is struggling? Possible PND? If so it would be kind of you to offer some extra support to them/her. But I still don’t think spending time with your own child should be strictly on a quid pro quo basis with your DIL. Perhaps you could take your son and granddaughter out or have them to stay to give your DIL a break if she would welcome that? If not you may have to accept it is an all in one package for a while and DIL comes too?

I’m not a MIL yet. I hope my children find wonderful partners and we become a close extended family, but the thought of never being able to spend time alone with one of my children again makes me grieve.

My in-laws do things with my husband without me, why would that be an issue? And I am using me as an example i mean anyone's

Reverse.