I felt like I got shut down in a weird way by my DIL

I guess I’m not sure why she has to separate out her son and DIL they are a married unit. What does her DIL being there take away from spending time with her son?

I mean isn’t that the point of the conversation so that it resonates with her. I think it’s a bit weird to just recognize your son’s stress but not your DIL especially when your DIL is the one with the baby most days so the one day she gets a reprieve bc her husband is home her MIL decides to not invite her yet again leaving her alone with the baby. MIL could have made it into a nice family outing instead she had to exclude her DIL and GD.

i think you sound like a lovely MiL that your DiL can be honest with you like that, and you are allowed to have some time just with your son, he’s your son! Does your DiL see her mum on her own, does her mum babysit? As long as you do offer to babysit on a regular basis so they can have couple time, which it looks like you do, then I don’t see you did anything wrong! It’s tough being a stay at home mum but it’s also tough being financially responsible for a family.

I dont think anyone is wrong in this scenario. You do help out and give them both a break and are entitled to spend time with your son alone. Does your DIL get any time to herself. It may just have hit a nerve rewarding your son alone, has anyone ever done the same for her? What age is your grandchild? If it's in the toddler stage it can be very overwhelming and she may just need some extra support.

her being upset about you taking your son out if you give them monthly time to themselves as a couple seems a bit ridiculous to me. The problem is more that she’s not taking her own time and leaving your son with the kids. Saying that as someone that was a sahm for years, she needs to start getting out, as men do start thinking of them being entitled to time off the woman ‘not working’ so ‘why do you need time off’. This is a them problem, not you, definitely offer them time but that doesn’t mean you give up time with your own son either (I don’t know how to phrase this diplomatically though!!!)

Millions of people are under pressure at work everyday but their mommies don’t take them for a break from it all. And again he is a grown man not a 16 year old needing to be rewarded for keeping up his grades while working his job at pizza planet on the side. He is doing what is expected of a husband and father. By the logic of he is under pressure at work you can use the same logic that the DIL is under pressure at home with her husband working all these extra hours that’s more time she is alone raising the baby and maintaining the house. So it’s a 2 way street. When people are married these things have a domino affect on the whole household not just on the husband. Why couldn’t MOL recognize this and take the family out for the afternoon together instead of deciding her son’s stress was more deserving of TLC then her DIL’s. Her DIL staying at home with her child is saving them a shit load in day care fees enabling the husband to save money and also give him piece of mind to work those extra hours bc daycare closes but the job of mom doesn’t. Not to mention not worrying about how his baby is being treated at daycare.

Such drama!

I don’t think you should never be able to go somewhere with just your son, but maybe it needs to wait till your gd is a bit older.

To be fair you sound really nice and helpful. Babysitting and paying for them to go out is really nice and so is your monthly babysitting.

maybe at some point you can offer a day out with gc and son ask your dil if she would like to join too or would prefer to not join and take the opportunity for me time. That way she can feel involved and appreciated.

Yes of course she could do that. Or allow her to go out with DH. Or give her time to go out with her friends child-free. Many options available there for whatever would suit DIL best.

She sounds dramatic. I can see her point but it’s not all on you! She has her own family too. Also, she can carve out time to herself by asking the father of her child to take over too.

DH has been under pressure in work. And his mum wants him to treat him because of that. If she was treating him solely for his parenting efforts that would be different.

She already gives this couple a break together once a month.

I disagree

Op does babysit so both can go out. DIL parents also babysit.

There is no reason why Op can’t go out with just her son. Father and son trips are a well documented thing.

I think it’s good DIL can communicate with you. However I suspect it’s because she knows it will resonant with you. You have every right to take your son out.

Why are you assuming DIL parents 24/7? For starters she has her parents helping and MIL helping once a month. She also has a husband to help her. It’s very dramatic.

If DH has been under a lot of pressure in work and his mum took him for a treat so what?! People on MH constantly undermine work pressure and the efforts of working people in general in reaction to SAHM feeling their work isn’t valued.

And being a SAHM is work. And it can be frustrating and isolating. But it doesn’t mean that a mother treating her son once for a few hours should be blown into a major event.

DIL has once child, has been a parent for 6 months and gets help from family. If she was worn down from years of parenting while the husband does feck all that would be entirely different.

MIL already helps this couple go out together once a month

One thing that is getting missed in all this OP is whether your son is pulling his weight when he is at home? Because it sounds like he isn’t and that might be the issue at heart.

She is also treating him like a single dad giving him a break like he is doing this on his own and his wife isn’t the driving force behind it. As if he doesn’t have any help at home

Right! I feel like some people are being obtuse. It’s tone deaf to not realize as a MIL the implication of this. Why not invite the whole family to watch baseball. Why just your son? I’m sure she wouldn’t have been thrilled as a new young mom if she was a SAHM watching her child 5 days a week all day then when the 6th day came her MIL pulled her husband away for the reason of him needing a break. I would be like well where is my break? Why is he more deserving of a break than me. It’s ashame when other women praise men for doing the bare minimum. Shouldn’t women be supporting other women?

Not to mention it again implies fathers deserve a break for doing what is expected of them. So the one day he has with his wife and child he gets out of bc mommy has to reward him for being a good boy

No one is saying that having a six month old on your own for a day is hard.
OP herself said, she treated her son to a weekend day off, due to how well he has looked after everyone and what a good boy he is.
Her DIL has very rightly and reasonably pointed out that OP’s son’s treat meant that she got yet another day on her own with their 6 month old child.

But again where is DIL’s break?? It’s ridiculous that her son is never alone with his child DIL is 5 days a week then when she I’m sure is looking forward to some all day help her husband is pulled away AGAIN and this time it’s a slap in the face because it’s for a treat. It’s a bit tone deaf and passive aggressive of the MIL to not realize how this looks like she is taking her DIL for granted and again pulling her son away from his immediate family his wife and child.

If DIL isn’t getting much adult interaction then why didn’t mil take her out as well to get adult interaction

Or take her out and treat her like she did for her son

Im not sure why you are focused on that it was one time only. Doesn’t matter the DIL is still the primary parent 5 days a week and her MIL didn’t give a crap that her little treat for her grown son doing what millions
of shamans and fathers do everyday meant an extra day that her DIL was doing the child rearing alone. It’s not that she did something one on one with her son it was the reasoning behind it bc he deserved a treat which has implications that DIL doesn’t deserve a break from parenting 24/7 never mind all the household stuff she does. If she truly cared or thought about the mother of her GC she would have invited (not saying paid) but invited the family out together. Her son isn’t a single dad doing this on his own his wife the mother of his child is the driving force behind this. Parenting isn’t about recognizing just one and giving one parent a break it’s about both. Time to think about your son once married and a father in the context of supporting the family unit as a whole. Where was her DIL’s support? Does her DIL get an afternoon out with her MIL where her husband is responsible for his own child? After all 5 days a weeks he isn’t with his child all day surely he can be with her for one afternoon

For a once-off, yes really! The whole thing is so blown out of proportion. Having one child of 6 months for a few hours longer one week is not some kind of huge life event.

This couple have one child and get regular babysitting from family.

If it was every week different story. But it was once.

Whom she already looks after all week on her own. Then it is assumed she will carry on on her own on Saturday whilst her husband is taken out to give him a break. Really?

So they have both explained to you that this is about cutting into their time. Fair enough.

So you don't again by offering to take DIL to lunch next weekend?