Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that a woman is sending DH these messages?

85 replies

Simonesaid1 · 07/06/2025 23:00

Last week while we were spending the evening watching TV my dh got a text message from a colleague with that has concerned me and I can’t stop thinking about it.
They work together, have done for 2 years and finished a joint project presentation last Tuesday. That evening she messaged to tell him it’s so fantastic working with him, she couldn’t imagine coming into the office every day if it wasn’t for him being there too, making her laugh and how he makes her day. She said how much loves their chats and values and appreciates him.
i asked him but he played it down but did look a bit uncomfortable. I doubt a male colleague would message him the same thing?
AIBU to feel concerned about this woman’s feelings about my dh and that this is maybe the start of something more than just colleagues/friends?
There’s a work social next weekend that we’re going to so I will meet her. Already feeling uncomfortable about seeing this woman.

OP posts:
Simonesaid1 · 08/06/2025 06:43

They message often out of usual working hours I think and he’s told me they’re mates. Well past the colleague point now.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 07/06/2025 23:43

GlutesthatSalute · 07/06/2025 23:38

Yes because when it all goes south and if she realises he doesn't reciprocate, that's when accusations can be levelled. She sounds obsessive and unhinged.

This, if he doesn't shut this down immediately and in the right way then hes leaving himself open to major issues with her down the line and potentially jeopardising your trust in him at the same time so he's either an idiot, or he's enjoying the attention and wants to enjoy it further.

I'm a manager and I make a point of commending my all male team on their good work but I'm specific about it and tend to keep it brief or it's done in front of the team in the workplace. What she's done seems an over step of that and I'd say is crossing the line into unprofessional.

I'd watch his reaction to this and to her at the workplace do you're attending. I'd kill her with kindness at it and watch her response.

GlutesthatSalute · 07/06/2025 23:38

Ohmeohmyohdear · 07/06/2025 23:27

Totally inappropriate.
Why is she even messaging your H outside working hours?
You should be having a serious talk with him about his boundaries with this woman.

Edited

Yes because when it all goes south and if she realises he doesn't reciprocate, that's when accusations can be levelled. She sounds obsessive and unhinged.

ThisOchreScroller · 07/06/2025 23:32

She's telling him she's thinking about him over the weekend. So many red flags she could hold parade BUT the fact you've been allowed to see it (no hiding his phone) and he looks uncomfortable means I'm 50/50 on whether he's reciprocated.

JustGiveMeWineNow · 07/06/2025 23:30

Currently sitting waiting to collect my husband and his work wife from a night out. She would never send a message like that to my husband. It gave me the ick reading that. I would be watching that and your husband needs to know that is weird.

Ohmeohmyohdear · 07/06/2025 23:27

Totally inappropriate.
Why is she even messaging your H outside working hours?
You should be having a serious talk with him about his boundaries with this woman.

Blessthismess2 · 07/06/2025 23:05

YANBU. Definitely sounds inappropriate / a bit much. I really like my colleagues. I would never text them something like this outside work hours.

MascaraGirl · 07/06/2025 23:04

It’s never Trevor in Accounts who sends this sort of message, is it?!

HatsOffToThePigeons · 07/06/2025 23:03

It's a bit... OTT of her, isn't it. I've had people at work I've loved working with, would never send a dodgy message like that.

juststrutting · 07/06/2025 23:01

Spider senses are there for a reason.

Swipe left for the next trending thread