To be upset that a woman is sending DH these messages?

I wouldn't like it either.

*messages

Thats a wet knicker text. Gushing over him like a teenager writing to a boy and singer!

He should not reply to her.

How did you get to see the texts? Does dh show you his phone every time a message comes in? This sounds like a fundamental lack of trust.

Yes the mess sound a bit much. It’s a great thing that you’ll
meet her at the event though. The colleague won’t be in any doubt that he’s not single and you might find she’ll bring her partner and is not single either.

Oh yes, I'd bring that up straightaway. In fact, on the way there I would mention to dh I was going to. And no matter what he said, do it anyway. His reaction would tell all anyway.

I can’t imagine sending this message to ANYONE, let alone a male colleague at work.

Does he have mentionitis when it comes to this colleague?

@Simonesaid1 So to me if they were at work together anyway earlier she would already have told him at end of the presentation how she felt it went and they’re a good team etc. Butbthebfavt she feels the need to message him again out of work, tells me she’s been thinking non stop about him and this is a ‘safe’ way for her to test the waters as it were and see what he says back. I would say she’s fishing for compliments back and the green light to edge slowly towards something much more than just ‘mates’. Certain types of people love the ego boost of being told they’re marvellous and combined with ‘grass may be greener’ mentality in times of stress with their partner will start confiding in these types of mates who are often just playing the long game to snare someone else’s man!

@Simonesaid1, your unsettled feelings are entirely reasonable. This woman crossed a line by reaching out to your H at night with her charged effusive message. I agree with @coachortrain that she was fishing and hoping to elicit a similar response and mutual validation from him. It sounds like a crush.

It’s concerning that they frequently message outside of work, and that includes her gushing during evening hours, which feels intimate. She is telling him that he’s on her mind at that time, and she clearly felt confident that he would welcome her feelings.

She has shown her hand and it mustn’t be minimized. I would reiterate my concerns and request that he set stronger boundaries and establish more distance. It’s nice to feel flattered, but continuing this level of contact with her is playing with fire, both personally and professionally. He has too much to lose.

He needs to decide. Where do his priorities lie? Protecting his marriage and your peace of mind or his friendship with a work colleague.

I’d tell him straight that this kind of friendship is putting his marriage in jeopardy and that he needs to put things on a more professional level.

I have some close male friends from work and I would never dream of sending a message like this to any of them. Because I respect them and their relationships too much.

Ask him
how he would feel if you got a message like this from a colleague.

What was his reply?

I am an over enthusiastic complimentary type of person with everyone and even I wouldn’t send that. It is too much to someone else’s husband and a work colleague.

How did he reply?

I would be checking his phone and lap tops, this wouldn’t sit well with me. I would be looking at the locked chat and archive area of WhatsApp. If he has nothing to hide he won’t care will he. I would also be telling him to nip this friendship in the bud, now. It’s inappropriate.

Did he reply to this message? Have you seen previous messages, and are there messages with a similar tone?

His reactions and replies are the important things. Is he enjoying the attention, lapping it up, or cringing at her being so OTT?

I would ask him how he would square that away with HR should he ever have all their messages between them scrutinised.

At my friend's work they have a slack channel called Praise where you can name a person and say why you want to praise them. Everyone on the team can see it. It isn't secretively sent.

She is fishing, she wants your Dh to message her back with the same sentiment. He is walking a very, very fine line. I am going to paraphrase a mental health expert I watch. US stats states 85% of affairs start at work. Why? Because work is where you build stuff together, you have a shared purpose, a shared goal ie a project and a release date. You are probably laughing with your colleagues, telling jokes because you are working with people with different personalities whereas home might be more mundane with children and schedules and less quality time with your partner/husband.

So I would tell him to tread carefully.

YANBU but do leave room for it being entirely innocent. She could have just been feeling elated about how well her job was going, in a good mood, and wanted to express genuine appreciation for your husband. It may not have meant any more than exactly what was said.

Not everyone has wonderful social skills, or understand what others may read between the lines of what they say, or understand when a message of appreciation is inappropriate.

This sounds like the kind of mistake I'd make, if I allowed myself to message/communicate with people (which I do not, for this reason). I say what I mean and never intend for anything to be read "in between my lines", so have realised I often put my foot in it when people derive meaning from my words/messages that isn't there. I have made people uncomfortable in the past, just trying to be kind. People make shit up from my POV... But then I remember, that many people do have ulterior motives behind their words and do intend there to be meaning inbetween the lines, and so people assume I'm the same. Then it makes sense.

Just leave room for her being like me and not intending anything by it other than what was said, rather than like you.

If your husband is uncomfortable though, he should tell her or HR, so HR can tell her. If it was just an innocent expression of appreciation, she might not realise it makes others uncomfortable.

She could also be a homewrecking cow of course. Just wanted to give a different perspective, just to remind that all sorts of people exist and not everything is a drama.

Please still go to the work thing. You can judge then on whether you feel it's right to have a little comment at some point. I wouldn't thank her for the message. Id probably gently set a boundary but Really it needs to come from him. It's good that he showed you. It was very full on.

Completely inappropriate. I’d make sure to meet her at the social, introduce yourself and tell her thank you for her kind messages to your husband so she’s aware you know!

Has that text put a wedge between you? If so, that's what I would worry about. Communication between you and your dh is paramount. I sympathise with the discomfort you feel about meeting her, but if the two of you are solid and strong then you can get in there and show that.

Completely inappropriate.
I am very good friends with a couple of my work colleagues. We socialise outside of work- a lot. I don’t ever send messages like this and neither do they.
She is overstepping the mark. Remember lots of affairs start due to close proximity. This needs shutting down immediately. Your dh may not be romantically involved with this woman- yet, but make no mistake, this is how many affairs begin.

Well she can send all her weird stalker's messages she likes he is the one you are in a relationship with him so, so if you have an issue deal with him

Your dh needs to report this message to his manager in case there is ever an accusation of inappropriate behaviour. If he’s the boss then he can tell her to stop these messages. At the social event stay strong when you meet her. I’d say that your dh showed you the message because he couldn’t stop laughing when he read it. You both thought it hilarious. The boss thought it over the top as well.

It would def bother me and I'm not jealous. My DH has longtime female friends that he meet up with, always asks me if I want to come and I decline. But this is something else. Sending this kind of message in the evening is close to saying "I want more than just a work relationship". The fact that he looks uncomfortable is very telling. I would keep a close eye on this and study their body language at the social.

Does she know he is married? I cannot ever imagine sending that sort of message to a work colleague and absolutely definitely not to one who is married?
And are you British? Is she? Because other cultures, particularly in my experience, Americans, can sometimes be OTT with words and praise in a way the British often are not, without it meaning anything.
Perhaps it is just randomly out of the blue, but it suggests that this level of “gushing” is normal between them?
Watch and see at the social event. You know him, you will know if something is going on.

Let her know you know about the message when you chat to her so she knows things are shared between you and your husband. “He showed me your lovely message” type of thing.

Are they indeed.

Well, you can get the measure of her when you meet her

Going against the grain here - wait until you’ve met her before you decide. She might be the sort of woman that is gushing and OTT with everyone.
The important thing here is that your husband is open and honest with you about this friendship (and that you trust him??). If I were you I wouldn’t overreact to this and risk making him feel like he has to hide their friendship from you which would be much worse.
I would go in to the event expecting someone who is so keen on my husband to want to get to know me as well and hopefully that’s what you’ll find. If not, then maybe you have a conversation about her.