To be upset that a woman is sending DH these messages?

If he was genuinely made uncomfortable by these messages (rather than by your finding out about them), it would be right for him to have a discreet chat with HR to protect himself.

His reply makes it seem he's encouraging this. He's possibly spending a lot of work time having a banter, a flirt and a giggle, allowing himself to be made much of, sharing lunches and coffee breaks with an attractive colleague. Plenty of married men like this in the workplace. Ugh.

Your boss fancies you.

First sentence is OK, the rest is wildly inappropriate for work (even if both single, its really not healthy to need another person for you to come into work or get through the day etc). He shouldn't be friends with someone who messages him like this, his reactions clearly indicate to her that its acceptable

Maybe it’s best just to be direct with your dh: if this carries on our marriage is over. What is it to be? I am not going to stand by and watch you conduct an emotional affair right in front of me.

He cuts his ties, looks for a new job urgently and saves his family or it’s over.

Totally agree!

You heard the message as it was a voice sent one. Or heard as in the beep of text tone arrival

either way if he is protective of his phone you know there may be issues

go to the event. Check her out. Mention casually in front of her and her dh that dh showed you or saw /heard the message and say glad you enjoy working together

I also work in an environment like this! We work in very difficult circumstances in the justice system with the cars no one else wants to touch. It's emotionally and psychologically very difficult, you have to build each other up!

Good point. Asking him bow he would feel if a man sent that to him or you.

We had a major inspection last year at work, I wouldn't say this at work but tbh I knocked it out of the park. My boss is the only person more senior than me in our area so there was a lot of pressure on both of us. After the first week he text me saying he was so thankful he had me by his side, that I was an extremely impressive individual and he didn't know how he would've got through it without me, made a reference to a shared in joke with a smile emoji and said after it was done (we had another two weeks to go!) he'd take us both for a large drink to celebrate. There wasn't and never has been a hint of anything inappropriate between us, we are both happily with our partners. So if this is just a one off after the adrenaline of something at work that is really important I wouldn't think anything of it.

Fantastic, makes her laugh, makes her day, values and appreciates him, loves their chat, couldn’t work there without him…

@Simonesaid1, I’ve been thinking about her intense flattery, their messaging all the time out of work, and how protective of his phone he is. She really lays it on thick. This was beyond out of order, yet she had no qualms about cozying up to him with adoration. It’s like she knew he’d enjoy her gushing over him.

Boundaries are being blurred, so I would try to get a look at his phone. Definitely watch carefully at the work social, but know that she/they will likely keep a friendly distance and tone down the flirty banter with spouses there.

Have you said any more to him about her?

In telly surprised at so many people saying don't say anything!!
I'd definitely say something or do something even a very small gesture.
Even if it was, oh your Suze!!
Good to put a name to a message my husband showed me your last message about how appreciative you are, your very lucky I sent feel that way about my work colleagues

^ not well written but I'd definitely let her know I know and how and that he showed it

That doesn't sound encouraging. It's pretty neutral.

Really interesting to read this described as "inappropriate", "unhinged" and "weird". It would be a normal message at the charity I work for. People make a point of showing appreciation and letting colleagues know they're valued. It's also normal for us to text outside of work at the charity and at my other job. My husband also speaks to his colleagues outside of work 💁

Yes they do. Her husband left them to an event and I collected them. She is a lovely person. I trust my husband 💯. But she would not be inappropriate like that. It was something that I would rather stick pins in myself than go to. I was invited but I didn’t want to go.

I think I would say 'very nice to meet you at last good to put a face to the person sending ×× all these messages in the evening.' I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

He’s not going to though because he’s encouraging it clearly. It’s clearly a two way street.

But yes ideally he should shut it down. Should’ve shut it down from the start.

Yea so he is encouraging it and seems completely happy with the tone of them. Just as I thought.

Agree with pp that your issue is definitely with your husband moreso than with her then. While yes she may see her as being disrespectful , your husband is the one who is in a relationship with you.

And while you can’t really control/manage her behaviour, he should be able to.

If she persists with the flattering texts he needs to reply with, ‘Can you tell me this at work Doris, as outside of work I don’t want to think about any work related stuff as wife and I like to enjoy our leisure time without being interrupted.’

But they go for nights out?

Why text at all when they work together?!

The next day at work the normal thing to say would be along the lines of ‘I’m glad we work well together ‘ and then leave it at that.

She is definitely prodding him with a stick to see if he will react to her ‘charms.’

In that case, I don’t think you have anything to worry about from him but I still think she should back off.

I’d reply ‘As long as you remember he’s married’ - his wife or something like that so she knows the deal

I have a boss (male) who I really like, enjoy chatting with and we have a great working relationship and would probably stay in touch if either of us left. We’ve worked together nearly 6 years.

I’d never send him a message like that - it’s massively inappropriate.

Our message threads are unambiguous, impersonal and if his wife read them she’d think I was a very boring woman.

A message like that is trying to create closeness and intimacy and draw a similar admission of closeness and affection from him.

He needs to put a stop to it

I agree with this.

Just because the woman from work sent this doesn't mean your dh encouraged it, she may just be trying her luck. I think it's a good sign you've seen it. But I would certainly be having a chat with dh that this has made you feel uncomfortable as people don't send messages like that without wanting something else.

I would definitely be keeping an eye her at the social and would definitely have few choice words ready for any cheekiness from her.

It’s a bit much isn’t it?
‘It was great to work on the project with you’ would have been more than enough.