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Original poster

To tell DD I love her in front of DSDs?

88 replies

Cooktop64 · 07/06/2025 20:15

Hi. I’m probably gonna get flamed for this, but that’s okay.

DSDs are 17 and 18; I’ve known them since they were 10 and 11. DD is 4. We don’t spend a tonne of time all together, but we’ll do holidays, the occasional dinner out or movie, etc. I haven’t had a close enough relationship with DSDs in order to feel it’s appropriate to tell them I love them (even if I feel that way), but I tell DD I love her multiple times a day.

Is it totally wrong to tell DD I love her in the presence of DSDs, in this situation? I’ve done it a few times without thinking and it’s been awkward.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 07/06/2025 21:35

I'm amazed you don't tell them you love them. I tell my friends all the time. I fostered a teenager for a few months. Now an adult We always tell each other we love each other.
Surely you must have a connection after all this time ?

TwinklyNight · 07/06/2025 21:30

Do you do group hugs? Perfect time to say "Oh I love my girls"

maowmaow · 07/06/2025 20:36

Seamoss · 07/06/2025 20:33

After you've told your DD you love her and you feel the awkward vibe, why not just speak about it to the room in general.
"huh, it's feels a bit awkward to be telling DD that I love her and not say it to both of you. I know you're older and we don't live together, and I'm not your mum, but I hope you know how much I care about you"

This is perfect and just the right tone, it includes them and lets them know how you feel.

DepositSaverUpper · 07/06/2025 20:36

Not awkward at all. I always tell dd I love her infront of dsc. Dh tells them both obviously. I do love dsc but it would feel awkward to say it .

iliketheradio · 07/06/2025 20:35

I have 2 DSC and say ‘love you’ when they’re going to their other home, or at night. Not a weird declaration but I love them and it’s a nice thing to say. I have known them for 6 years though and didn’t start saying that until it felt appropriate/we had built a relationship. I wouldn’t start saying “I love you” to them randomly over dinner, for example.

Seamoss · 07/06/2025 20:33

After you've told your DD you love her and you feel the awkward vibe, why not just speak about it to the room in general.
"huh, it's feels a bit awkward to be telling DD that I love her and not say it to both of you. I know you're older and we don't live together, and I'm not your mum, but I hope you know how much I care about you"

Ouzz · 07/06/2025 20:22

It doesn’t have to be a declaration. If you’re leaving the house for example “bye everyone, love you” I think would be fine. If you are saying “bye dsd, goodbye my own dearly loved dd” then it’s a bit performative.

Original poster
Cooktop64 · 07/06/2025 20:20

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/06/2025 20:18

Why has it been awkward? Have the DSD said anything or is it just your own realisation?

It’s just a feeling in the room after I’ve said it. I’m sure there’s tangible indications but I can’t name them; to me, it just seems like awkward “energy.”

OP posts:
Original poster
Cooktop64 · 07/06/2025 20:19

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/06/2025 20:16

I’m actually going to say it depends- is there mother alive and in their lives in a positive way? If yes then you aren’t unreasonable, if no then consider their feelings and include them.

She’s alive, and they live with her most of the time. But she can be a pretty nasty individual, and doesn’t seem like the type to say “I love you,” at least not very often… DH said she never said it to him.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 07/06/2025 20:18

Do you feel love towards them?

I agree it would be useful to know how involved their dm is.

In what way was it awkward- in that you felt awkward, did they react to it? What does your dh think about it?

Moonnstars · 07/06/2025 20:18

How are you saying it? If you are declaring lots of love for DD in front of them while ignoring them that is kind of strange. But then I don't go round constantly telling my children I love them either.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/06/2025 20:18

Why has it been awkward? Have the DSD said anything or is it just your own realisation?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/06/2025 20:16

I’m actually going to say it depends- is there mother alive and in their lives in a positive way? If yes then you aren’t unreasonable, if no then consider their feelings and include them.