To want baby to have my last name

What if she wants her name to live on? She’s said her dad died young and it’s all she has left of him.

@Anonforthisone1 give the baby your name.

When I had my son there was no way he wasn’t going to have my name - it was either my name alone, or my name double barrelled with his dad’s. We double-barrelled but only because my OH was totally happy with that - if he’d kicked up a fuss or said the things your OH is saying, I would have given him my name alone.

I agree with other posters who say that he is all for upholding tradition when it suits him so that the baby can have his name, but is happy to go against tradition when it comes to getting married before having a child. Unmarried mums are advised to give the baby their surname and in OP's case, it would mean that the baby has the same surname as their siblings.

I have my mums name. Bio dad fucked off when I was a baby, and never took my dads name (who kinda raised me). I love having my mums last name.

Tell him it's actually traditional for baby to take mums name, but that it's usually same as dads because dad has married mum. I would say if really can't double barrel have dad's surname as a middle name.

As a compromise can you give your son your DP's surname as one of his middle names?

He doesn’t get to just pick the traditions that suit him.

He doesn’t want to get married because that suits him. No matter any negative impact on you. But he also wants baby to have his name. No matter any negative impact on you.

He sounds incredibly selfish and a bit thick.

You’re the mum. You have the power to register the baby. He doesn’t have that power and he chose to give that up by choosing not to get married. If you were married he would be able to register baby under the law. The law is in your favour. Don’t give that up for this selfish misogynist .

I’m not sure if it is a regional or cultural phenomenon but all unmarried couples I know used the father’s name for their DC.

People assume that any couple where the child has the mother’s surname has an absent father and that the man she is currently with is not the parent of the child.

That said you and DH just need to agree what you prefer. There’s no right or wrong answer.

Our kids have my last name but have his last name as one of their middle names. I think it's helpful to have it there in the mix as a link to his family and in case of travel issues or whatever.

I never had to convince my partner thankfully but in your situation you should definitely stick to your guns, all your children should have your name.

If we had our children before we got married I would have given them my name. They would have gotten his name when I did.

As an aside, I really would not stay home if you are not married.

I would never have a child that one birthed having a different surname to me. Just say no.

No, you’re not being unfair, but he is right in that the vast majority do use the father’s name.

All the families I know where either the parents aren’t married or the woman has kept her own name, still gave the children dad’s name.

So this has probably come as a bit of a bolt from the blue in that, as a man, he would fully have expected his children to have his name.

Doesn’t mean he won’t come round to it but I think it’s fair that he needs time to process this.

I know several people who had kids unmarried, the kids took the dad's name, the dad cheated and left. It makes no sense for kids to have their dad's name when mums nearly always do all/most of the childcare if the parents split. Give the baby your name, you're growing it. Tell him he can grow a tomato plant and name that what he likes.

Stick to your guns and give the baby your surname. You are not married and it will make your life a lot easier.

If you're not married, baby should have your name.
I am married, did not change my name. Baby has my surname, Husband is welcome to change his name if he wants to.

Stick to your guns.

I was married to my DCs dad (now divorced) DC all in their 30’s now. I didn’t change my name and we gave the DC my name as exh didn’t want to hyphenate - much easier as, yes, I ended up doing most of the school/Dr stuff.

if you are not married then it makes even more sense for your name to be used.

Baby will have your surname in hospital and so that should be the default. If it bothers him he can marry you.

@JHound I wouldn't even consider my child having the surname of a man I was married to! 😄

I would not consider my child having the surname of a man I was not married to.

If he has never wanted to be married and pushed for that then he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Both my children are in my name only.

The baby absolutely should have your surname if he wants anything different from that he can marry you

The only reason he thinks that 'it is a given that baby has his name', is that it used to be the way of things that people married, the wife changed her name to that of her husband, and then when they had a baby, the baby took the family name. If he doesn't want to give you and his child the security of marriage, then he doesn't get a say as far as I'm concerned.

Traditionally getting married before having a baby was "how it's done ", so he's on a sticky wicket if that's his best argument.

If 'tradition' is his argument, traditionally parents are married before babies and he's not chosen that so you can do what you want.