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Original poster

DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

214 replies

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:39

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate the replies. Feel a bit less mad now knowing others would be this upset too.

He’s not usually anxious tbh, or not that I’ve noticed. Bit of a bottler though, keeps stuff in till it explodes. No history of OCD or anything like that but he has been off lately. Snappy, distracted, glued to his phone. I asked him a few weeks back if everything was ok and he said work stress. Now I’m thinking maybe that was bollocks.

Not cheated, not ever. Never even flirted. So if someone has said summat to him, they’re either lying or stirring. He’s not close to his family but he has got this one mate who’s a total arse and cheats on his GF constantly. Always making weird jokes about “how do you know the kid’s yours” type crap so maybe it’s sunk in?

Tbh I don’t care about doing the test at this point. I know what it’ll say. But I do care that the man I married doesn’t trust me enough to believe I haven’t shagged someone else.

Not sure if I wanna see his phone or if I’m too scared to look. Proper heart in mouth moment. Might give myself the weekend and decide what to do Monday. Just feel flat right now.

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 07/06/2025 19:38

I could t come back from this. I'm sorry

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/06/2025 19:36

He’s totally projecting. He’s setting it up so that he can say you’ve cheated and he’s forced to split. Get that DNA test and then get a bloody good solicitor. He’s up to something. He’s probably cheating. I’m sorry to be so blunt but I’ve lived this shit.

Alwaysinamood · 07/06/2025 19:35

Try and check his phone !!

TheignT · 07/06/2025 19:34

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:22

Thanks all. Honestly hadn’t even considered he might be projecting but now a few of you’ve said it… it’s in my head now. Would explain the weird mood swings lately. And he’s been super cagey with his phone recently, kept saying it’s work stuff but idk.

I’m just so gutted. I’ve never done anything to deserve this. I’ve been totally loyal, wiped DS’s bum for 3 yrs straight, run the house, worked part time, never once given him a reason to doubt me. And now this??

Think you’re right - I probs will get the DNA test just to shut him up but the trust is proper broken now. Don’t know if I can come back from this. Keep thinking if he really thought I’d cheat, does he even know me at all?

Feel like my whole marriage is cracking.

Do you think someone has put the idea in his head? Would be like people on here putting ideas in your head. Do you get on with his family/friends. It's the sort of thing I can imagine my late MIL saying.

Thinking about it if there is another woman she could have put the idea in his head.

Whyherewego · 07/06/2025 19:33

What a twat
I'm sorry OP. PP have given good advice, I personally like the DNA test results with the divorce papers !

nopineapplepizza · 07/06/2025 19:32

The guilty often accuse the innocent of what THEY have done/would do, because it’s plausible to them that you would do it (in this case be unfaithful and hide it) because it’s what they’re doing, so they realise it’s possible.

I would echo the PP that he’s probably having an affair and is using the “I’m married but I believe my wife was unfaithful and our son that I’ve been raising isn’t even mine” to gain sympathy with the OW; he’s been lying about it so much he’s starting to believe his own lies.

Derbee · 07/06/2025 19:32

Agree with others. He’s probably cheating.

Do the test, prove him wrong.
Insist on seeing his phone, without giving him a chance to delete anything.
Prepare for divorce.

Foreverm0re · 07/06/2025 19:31

I couldn’t move past this. I’d give him the test and then divorce papers.

Oldraver · 07/06/2025 19:30

A previous poster makes a very good point that if this had been on his mind he could if allayed his own fears by doing a secret DNA test

Instead he had chosen to accuse you to your face if cheating

He definitely has ulterior motives

Spies · 07/06/2025 19:28

I'm sorry Gamyerc but your update has all the signs of cheating. The secrecy, the mood changes and now the accusations.

I'm not sure there's any point trying to stick around fixing the cracks, it sounds like he's already check out.

I really hope you have lots of support around you and you can leave as soon as possible.

arcticpandas · 07/06/2025 19:28

I would like to know where all this is coming from. Is he cheating and therefore projecting or has a twat friend/familymember said something about him not being the father due to DS looks? You def need to have a talk about this. It's extremely hurtful. If he wants to do a dnatest let him but it would be hard to come back from. Unless there is a backstory here and you have cheated on him previously..

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 07/06/2025 19:27

sameshizz · 07/06/2025 19:10

If this is genuinely the first time he’s acted like this then I’d put money on the fact that he’s projecting and it’s him that’s doing the cheating

Was literally gonna say the same thing.

Honestly if my husband said something like that I’d honestly tell him to fuck off, arrange a DNA test and start claiming child support from him. Because our baby is definitely his. I certainly wouldn’t have him moping around my fucking home- if he thought this he’d be gone surely? It’s a huge betrayal if it was real.

DepositSaverUpper · 07/06/2025 19:27

Do a dna.
Dh did one with his dd as his ex wasn't sure who was dsc father 🤔' gene track' I think it was called. Mouth swabs . Couple weeks wait for results. Iirc it was £200?

RafaistheKingofClay · 07/06/2025 19:25

Beyond the cheating I’d be worried he might be having some sort of breakdown but either way I don’t see an easy way back from this.

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 07/06/2025 19:24

Do the test so there is no issues with claiming maintenance when the marriage officially ends. Unforgivable thing to accuse you of in my opinion. Doing the test also prevents your son being exposed to any harmful paternity suggestions that could be made when he is older. Your husband is unlikely to drop this. He wants an excuse to exit parenting his child whenever he finally decides he has had enough.
Am sorry this is happening to you.

GoodVibesHere · 07/06/2025 19:24

I'd actually be a bit worried about his mental state and whether he is safe to be around. I mean is he in some sort of crisis? He's being so irrational I'd be a bit wary.

Gettingbysomehow · 07/06/2025 19:23

Tell him to get a paternity test, he doesn't even have to have your permission, but yes I agree with previous posters. He is looking for any stupid excuse to excuse his affair.

Original poster
Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:22

Thanks all. Honestly hadn’t even considered he might be projecting but now a few of you’ve said it… it’s in my head now. Would explain the weird mood swings lately. And he’s been super cagey with his phone recently, kept saying it’s work stuff but idk.

I’m just so gutted. I’ve never done anything to deserve this. I’ve been totally loyal, wiped DS’s bum for 3 yrs straight, run the house, worked part time, never once given him a reason to doubt me. And now this??

Think you’re right - I probs will get the DNA test just to shut him up but the trust is proper broken now. Don’t know if I can come back from this. Keep thinking if he really thought I’d cheat, does he even know me at all?

Feel like my whole marriage is cracking.

OP posts:
Spies · 07/06/2025 19:21

sameshizz · 07/06/2025 19:10

If this is genuinely the first time he’s acted like this then I’d put money on the fact that he’s projecting and it’s him that’s doing the cheating

Agreed. That was my first thought.

My second thought would be to get your ducks in a row and leave because I'm not sure theres any way to come back from this.

Aria2015 · 07/06/2025 19:20

Does he not know that dark hair and eyes are more dominant than fair hair and blue eyes? Chances were your colouring would always win over his.

I'd be furious if I were you. He is accusing you of cheating, having unprotected sex with another man, getting pregnant and then knowingly passing the child off as his when it isn't. He's basically saying he suspects that you have hugely betrayed and deceived him. If you've never given him cause to not trust you, this is pretty unforgivable and I'm not sure how you can move past it.

I'd be so mad, I'd get the paternity test, prove he's the father and then ask him if it was worth it while handing him divorce papers!

BakelikeBertha · 07/06/2025 19:20

Sorry OP, but if I had always been faithful, and my husband accused me of cheating, based on him thinking his child doesn't look like him, then I could NOT forgive him. It would be over, and he'd be out!

Also, if he really thought this, he didn't need to risk ruining your relationship by making accusations, he could have just done a DNA test on the quiet, which would have put his mind at rest without damaging your marriage. For one reason or another, he's looking for a way out, likelihood is, he's cheating.

Away2000 · 07/06/2025 19:19

Get a DNA test and then give him divorce papers with the test results. I don’t think that sort of accusation is something you can come back from.

wastingtimeonhere · 07/06/2025 19:19

This happened to a friend of mine, yep, her twat husband was cheating. She left him, he ran straight off to his OW, who dumped him when she found out he was actually married! He's now in his early 60s living with his elderly mother. His children don't have anything to do with him.

MoominUnderWater · 07/06/2025 19:15

And i wouldn’t hesitate to tell him my suspicions that it’s actually him cheating!