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Original poster

DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

214 replies

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 07/06/2025 20:25

Enrichetta · 07/06/2025 19:10

(1) get a DNA test
(2) take steps to leave your ‘D’H

I don’t think there is any coming back from this…

This.

Tell the idiot husband to organise the test and get ducks in a row.

DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 07/06/2025 20:24

Aulddeacon · 07/06/2025 20:12

I know this is a very unpleasant thing to happen to you I kept getting phone calls telling me I wasn’t the father of my DD.
my wife had a fumble with this man she worked with at an office party when drunk ( not everyone goes for divorce papers).
turned out my wife got promoted in her job and this other man who didn’t get promoted and new about her indiscretion used it to get back at her for getting the promotion.
this a long winded way of saying sit down with him find out what’s going on with him depressed etc and tell him how hurt you are and you have been a faithful wife. you can’t jump to conclusions that he’s having an affair
his mental health could be bad just now
many a man has been accused of some terrible things when their wife’s are going through the menopause. They don’t expect to be divorced for it,

What the fuck are you talking about and what has it got to do with the OP?
MRA Reddit is that way 👉

Hoardasauruskaren · 07/06/2025 20:24

Hoardasauruskaren · 07/06/2025 20:14

WTAF? How do people who are so stupid actually get through life?

That was in response to the sperm storage post! Quote fail!

SandyY2K · 07/06/2025 20:21

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

I can relate.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/06/2025 20:20

I would bet money that he is cheating. Get your ducks in a row.

ChocAuVin · 07/06/2025 20:20

My dreadful ex-H used to regularly accuse me of this, even though all three of our kids look extremely like him and nothing like me.

I found it brilliant when they all became adults and took ancestry tests to find out their genetic heritage as they are mixed race. Quelle surprise, they are his (durrrrrrr). Take that, arsehole!

(TL;DR — grounds for divorce).

Tinytotdriver · 07/06/2025 20:17

So sorry to hear you and your son are having to deal with this. What an absolute twat. I’d bet money on him cheating, no doubt in my mind.

It’s such a classic move - realising how easy it is to cheat (because they’re doing it) so becoming suspicious that their OH has done it as well, or feeling guilty and wanting to deflect, or wanting to leave and hoping they can get their OH to split up with them first so that the OH looks like the “bad one” to the kids.

ThePunnyPeachDuck · 07/06/2025 20:15

spicemaiden · 07/06/2025 20:12

How thick would a man have to be to believe this

Show quote history

We are living in strange times currently

Fusedspur · 07/06/2025 20:15

100% he’s banging someone else.

The more he accuses you of, the more he’s done.
“The bigger the front, the bigger the back.”

Hoardasauruskaren · 07/06/2025 20:14

WTAF? How do people who are so stupid actually get through life?

Namechangean · 07/06/2025 20:13

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 20:07

Ugh yeah wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been watching some dodgy crap online. He’s got into watching random podcasts on YouTube lately, lots of “men’s mental health” stuff that starts off sounding decent then veers into weird “women lie” territory. I’ve overheard bits and just rolled my eyes but maybe it’s sunk in more than I thought.

He def could be having an affair. Works late a lot, travels now and then, and never lets me near his phone anymore. Used to leave it lying around all the time, now it’s face down or in his pocket constantly. Starting to look suss in hindsight.

Gonna try and get a look at it. Not proud but at this point I think I need to know. Just hope I don’t find something I can’t unsee.

Feel sick again. This whole thing’s doing my head in.

Both of those things could be the cause, but if you’ve heard him listening to those types of podcasts I would guess to some extent it’s to do with that. But could be both. I think there’s a thing at the moment with men/incels making out that I high proportion of men are raising other men’s kids. Calling them cucks. They just hate women. It’s pathetic.

Aulddeacon · 07/06/2025 20:12

I know this is a very unpleasant thing to happen to you I kept getting phone calls telling me I wasn’t the father of my DD.
my wife had a fumble with this man she worked with at an office party when drunk ( not everyone goes for divorce papers).
turned out my wife got promoted in her job and this other man who didn’t get promoted and new about her indiscretion used it to get back at her for getting the promotion.
this a long winded way of saying sit down with him find out what’s going on with him depressed etc and tell him how hurt you are and you have been a faithful wife. you can’t jump to conclusions that he’s having an affair
his mental health could be bad just now
many a man has been accused of some terrible things when their wife’s are going through the menopause. They don’t expect to be divorced for it,

spicemaiden · 07/06/2025 20:12

ThePunnyPeachDuck · 07/06/2025 20:09

https://www.reuters.com/fact-check/study-did-not-find-women-store-dna-intercourse-with-men-2024-01-22/

it was fact checked last year it seems

Show quote history

How thick would a man have to be to believe this

Goonie1 · 07/06/2025 20:10

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/06/2025 20:07

Also, @Gamyerco, when you do the paternity test, make sure that he does use his own DNA and doesn't substitute that of a friend.. (Sorry if someone else has suggested this, I've not read the whole thread).

And this! Good point!
I forget how deceitful some people can be!

ThePunnyPeachDuck · 07/06/2025 20:09

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/06/2025 20:05

Was the scientific proof similar to that by Andrew Wakefield (who lyingly maintained the MMR vaccine caused autism)?

Show quote history

https://www.reuters.com/fact-check/study-did-not-find-women-store-dna-intercourse-with-men-2024-01-22/

it was fact checked last year it seems

spicemaiden · 07/06/2025 20:08

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 20:07

Ugh yeah wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been watching some dodgy crap online. He’s got into watching random podcasts on YouTube lately, lots of “men’s mental health” stuff that starts off sounding decent then veers into weird “women lie” territory. I’ve overheard bits and just rolled my eyes but maybe it’s sunk in more than I thought.

He def could be having an affair. Works late a lot, travels now and then, and never lets me near his phone anymore. Used to leave it lying around all the time, now it’s face down or in his pocket constantly. Starting to look suss in hindsight.

Gonna try and get a look at it. Not proud but at this point I think I need to know. Just hope I don’t find something I can’t unsee.

Feel sick again. This whole thing’s doing my head in.

If you snoop and find something make sure you take pictures.

if you don’t he will gaslight the hell out of you.

Goonie1 · 07/06/2025 20:08

I’d be fuming too. Sorry you’re going through this.

Id get a test then leave. I’d also be looking more closely at him as it may be projection. Sounds like he’s causing a huge issue so you do the breaking up so he doesn’t have to. He can play the victim that way.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/06/2025 20:07

Also, @Gamyerco, when you do the paternity test, make sure that he does use his own DNA and doesn't substitute that of a friend.. (Sorry if someone else has suggested this, I've not read the whole thread).

Original poster
Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 20:07

Ugh yeah wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been watching some dodgy crap online. He’s got into watching random podcasts on YouTube lately, lots of “men’s mental health” stuff that starts off sounding decent then veers into weird “women lie” territory. I’ve overheard bits and just rolled my eyes but maybe it’s sunk in more than I thought.

He def could be having an affair. Works late a lot, travels now and then, and never lets me near his phone anymore. Used to leave it lying around all the time, now it’s face down or in his pocket constantly. Starting to look suss in hindsight.

Gonna try and get a look at it. Not proud but at this point I think I need to know. Just hope I don’t find something I can’t unsee.

Feel sick again. This whole thing’s doing my head in.

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 07/06/2025 20:05

ThePunnyPeachDuck · 07/06/2025 19:39

My friends DP went like this as he read an article about how women store sperm from every man they have had sex with and that any child born is not truly the man’s who they conceived with.

They are no longer together and he is zero contact with the children.

Was the scientific proof similar to that by Andrew Wakefield (who lyingly maintained the MMR vaccine caused autism)?

BlueRin5eBrigade · 07/06/2025 20:04

I would be furious. He's accusing you of cheating. I would do a DNA test to prove that DC is his child but I'd also reconsider my relationship with him. I also wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating. His insecurity comes from his behaviour. The truth will always come out @Gamyerco

Namechangean · 07/06/2025 20:03

Sounds like online radicalisation. I wouldn’t be surprised if you scratched the surface he has some pretty horrific misogynistic views. The incel stuff can fundamentally change someone’s personality. Id be looking at his browsing history - bet itll be Andrew Tate type stuff. The fact he’s accusing you of cheating out of no where has probably caused a complete break in your relationship

Tagyoureit · 07/06/2025 19:59
  1. Dna test to prove he is the father
  2. Divorce the bastard
CommissarySushi · 07/06/2025 19:57

Get the test. Then the deliver the results in the same envelope as the divorce papers.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/06/2025 19:55

By all means let him get the paternity test, but tell him that when it comes back and shows he’s the dad, which it will, you will be seeking a divorce, and will have incontrovertible evidence for CMS. It’s unforgivable of him and would be a deal breaker for me. I’m inclined to agree with other posters, that he’s projecting and it’s actually him having the affair. Whatever the case, I’d find it pretty much impossible to come back from this.