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Original poster

DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

214 replies

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

OP posts:
DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 21:42

That is horrendous.

If he really suspected anything was amiss he could have discreetly done a DNA test himself.

I would never forgive such an accusation.

Wreckinball · 07/06/2025 21:40

Do the test to prove a point and divorce him - no one can expect a relationship to be ok after him saying you’ve cheated on me and then lied for 7 years

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 07/06/2025 21:40

What a prick he is.

When DS1 was born my then in-laws told DP that he couldn't possibly be the father because DS was blonde and no one in their family is blonde. My entire family are though! Luckily he told them where to go.

20 years later DS' hair is dark blonde/ light brown, but other than that he's the spitting image of his father.

DS2 OTOH has his dad's colouring, but other than that is my twin.

Messycoo · 07/06/2025 21:39

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

Nail on the head !

2025ismybestyear · 07/06/2025 21:39

I'm so sorry @Gamyerco. Your husband is a dickhead but you've got your head screwed on right.

JFDIYOLO · 07/06/2025 21:39

So sorry, OP. I'd get the DNA test done purely to have cast iron evidence that he's liable for child maintenance. No wriggle room. Has he been making remarks to your children about all this?

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/06/2025 21:38

sorry. No coming back from this one

yes sounds like he’s cheating if mood changes and guarding phone and didn’t used to

Original poster
Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 21:37

Yeah I’ve wondered that too. DS has always been a bit of a mummy’s boy and lately he’s full-on clingy with me, won’t let DH do bedtime, pushes him away sometimes. Think it’s bruised his ego a bit tbh. But instead of working on bonding with him, he’s jumped to “he must not be mine” like a bloody toddler himself.

You’re right tho – I’ll get the test sorted, if nothing else for DS so he never has to deal with this hanging over him. He deserves better than this weird cloud of doubt.

As for the rest of it… yeah. Only I know the full picture but it’s not looking good right now. Can’t stop thinking that if he wanted a reason to walk away, he’s just created one.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/06/2025 21:37

@Gamyerco well it would be dna results and divorce papers delivered at the same time if it was me!

Wingingit247 · 07/06/2025 21:36

Oh OP, I am so so sorry 😔 if the whole basically accusing you of cheating thing wasn’t enough, I’m afraid I’d cast another vote in to say it sounds really likely that he’s projecting because he’s cheating, and that was before I read your replies about his recent behaviour with his phone, it’s textbook. I will be VERY surprised if he isn’t cheating on you.

ManchesterLu · 07/06/2025 21:32

MoominUnderWater · 07/06/2025 19:15

For your ds sake I’d probably get the test to protect their relationship but i couldn’t get past this accusation and I think it would be game over.

Yeah definitely this. Splitting when your husband isn't sure of paternity won't make for a positive relationship in the future with the two of them, but get the test, prove your point, and move on. I couldn't be with someone who accused me of this.

DuckBee · 07/06/2025 21:31

Don’t sort a dna test for him because they’ll always be another reason like you’ve faked it etc. I’m guessing there wasn’t any chance of ds being swapped in hospital so definitely is your biological too?

I have to say I was impressed with my hubby. The doctor said with his sperm results that there was no way he could already be a father. He refused to get a dna test to check.

Tiswa · 07/06/2025 21:29

Agree with either cheating/Andrew Tate or botn

neither DD or DS look like DH but share the same amount of DNA - DS got into ancestry when he was around 9 so we all got DNA tests that way!

MignonsMorceaux · 07/06/2025 21:29

So sorry OP. Those shitty podcasts aren't exactly cleverly argued - a man would have to be either already a bit of a misogynist and/or a bit simple to fall for it.

You don't have to put up with it but I'm sorry it's happening to you and your DS.

Omgblueskys · 07/06/2025 21:26

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:39

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate the replies. Feel a bit less mad now knowing others would be this upset too.

He’s not usually anxious tbh, or not that I’ve noticed. Bit of a bottler though, keeps stuff in till it explodes. No history of OCD or anything like that but he has been off lately. Snappy, distracted, glued to his phone. I asked him a few weeks back if everything was ok and he said work stress. Now I’m thinking maybe that was bollocks.

Not cheated, not ever. Never even flirted. So if someone has said summat to him, they’re either lying or stirring. He’s not close to his family but he has got this one mate who’s a total arse and cheats on his GF constantly. Always making weird jokes about “how do you know the kid’s yours” type crap so maybe it’s sunk in?

Tbh I don’t care about doing the test at this point. I know what it’ll say. But I do care that the man I married doesn’t trust me enough to believe I haven’t shagged someone else.

Not sure if I wanna see his phone or if I’m too scared to look. Proper heart in mouth moment. Might give myself the weekend and decide what to do Monday. Just feel flat right now.

Op please don't doubt yourself with, he doesn't know me, of course he does, and of course you haven't had an affair and little one is his, but what's his game, we're does he want this to go, what's he going to do when the test comes back ( he's the daddy) of course it will, what then, wonder what the game plan is, ??
He hasn't realised the damage this will do or has he,
You need to play nice, get dna done while snooping around for clues anything, ipad, phone if you can get it, savnav to see postcodes, monthly expenses if anything sticks out, fone bill, does he have a works fone,
God why do they do this , it will come out sooner or later op, hang in there and start getting your ducks in a row,

moose17 · 07/06/2025 21:23

He cheating

sameshizz · 07/06/2025 21:22

Like pp said if he REALLY thought that there was ANY chance the child wasn’t his he could have gone ahead and done a DNA test without accusing you of cheating and throwing this grenade into your marriage

Hankunamatata · 07/06/2025 21:20

What an idiot

I have darked eye and dark haired kids - my colouring. Their dad is blue and blonde. Its dark hari and eyes dominant over blue and blonde hair?

MH0084 · 07/06/2025 21:17

Leave - get a DNA test - let him regret for the rest of his life…
There’s no coming back from this…

Walkden · 07/06/2025 21:14

Could be possible hre is having an affair

But

Is it possibly that a work collleague or personal friend has found out they are not that biological dad of their kids and this has put the thought in his head?

mindutopia · 07/06/2025 21:14

Christ, no, don’t play right into him doing the wife work of sorting a DNA test for the child you know is your dh’s because he’s turned into a prize wanker. He wants you to prove his own child is his, let him do all the bloody work. He can explain it all himself. You’ll both have to have it done supervised. He can have the embarrassment of dealing with it. You just roll on in there when it’s time.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/06/2025 21:11

OP I’m so sorry.

If you feel done then focus on protecting yourself. Educate yourself. Read the relationships board here. Think about how and when to separate. He has already detached and he is not your friend. You need to move forward on the basis that he is not on your side and has no interest in being fair or reasonable.

Pottlee · 07/06/2025 21:05

Oops

pointythings · 07/06/2025 21:04

Pottlee · 07/06/2025 21:01

Has SIL drank the wine already? Could DH explain the mistake and ask for it back?

You're on the wrong thread.

Blodyneighbour · 07/06/2025 21:03

Pottlee · 07/06/2025 21:01

Has SIL drank the wine already? Could DH explain the mistake and ask for it back?

I'm on the wrong thread too. Sorry