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Original poster

DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

214 replies

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 07/06/2025 22:41

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:22

Thanks all. Honestly hadn’t even considered he might be projecting but now a few of you’ve said it… it’s in my head now. Would explain the weird mood swings lately. And he’s been super cagey with his phone recently, kept saying it’s work stuff but idk.

I’m just so gutted. I’ve never done anything to deserve this. I’ve been totally loyal, wiped DS’s bum for 3 yrs straight, run the house, worked part time, never once given him a reason to doubt me. And now this??

Think you’re right - I probs will get the DNA test just to shut him up but the trust is proper broken now. Don’t know if I can come back from this. Keep thinking if he really thought I’d cheat, does he even know me at all?

Feel like my whole marriage is cracking.

are you saying he doesn't get involved in DS's toileting and leaves you to do it every time?
if so then the sexism/andew tate women's roles doesn't seem to be a new thing.
plus no wonder DS is less comfortable with him - if he's not around doing the boring, unpleasant stuff he doesn't automatically get to be number 1 for the fun/cuddly parts.

I couldn't come back from this OP.

TheWisePlumDuck · 07/06/2025 22:41

I would do the test.

Then I would never let him grace my bedroom again.

Confusedmeanderings · 07/06/2025 22:37

F

TheaBrandt1 · 07/06/2025 22:37

Wow that’s a pretty huge marriage ending accusation to just throw out there. Is he usually quite thick? Does he fully understand the consequences of making grave utterly unfounded crazy accusations against those you are supposed to love?

rhrni · 07/06/2025 22:36

Do you think he never bonded with him properly & he’s looking for reasons why?

Notascoobie · 07/06/2025 22:34

sameshizz · 07/06/2025 19:10

If this is genuinely the first time he’s acted like this then I’d put money on the fact that he’s projecting and it’s him that’s doing the cheating

THIS!

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 07/06/2025 22:31

I would do the test and check his phone then suggest counselling and make him confront the Andrew Tate shit. If he's not willing then this is just going to happen again.

pontipinemum · 07/06/2025 22:29

That is so weird. Has he ever questioned paternity before? I am married 7 years as well. I'd be super pissed off

xPenelopePitstop · 07/06/2025 22:27

I’d do a DNA test.

Just to shut him up.

Then I’d ask for a divorce.

readingupsidedown · 07/06/2025 22:26

Sounds awful, and pretty shifty. The fact he’s watching that rubbish on YouTube just compounds it. You’d be better without him. Is there any way you can get a sneak at his phone in the night or something? I’d have to have a look on there…

cryptide · 07/06/2025 22:21

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:22

Thanks all. Honestly hadn’t even considered he might be projecting but now a few of you’ve said it… it’s in my head now. Would explain the weird mood swings lately. And he’s been super cagey with his phone recently, kept saying it’s work stuff but idk.

I’m just so gutted. I’ve never done anything to deserve this. I’ve been totally loyal, wiped DS’s bum for 3 yrs straight, run the house, worked part time, never once given him a reason to doubt me. And now this??

Think you’re right - I probs will get the DNA test just to shut him up but the trust is proper broken now. Don’t know if I can come back from this. Keep thinking if he really thought I’d cheat, does he even know me at all?

Feel like my whole marriage is cracking.

Suggest you mutually hand over your phones to each other, immediately. His response to that one could tell you a lot.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 07/06/2025 22:18

Keep it simple op. Offer up your phone and suggest you swap for the rest of the night... That way he can keep an eye on you...
When obviously it's for your benefit.. If he won't then there's your answer.

Bedknobsandhoovers · 07/06/2025 22:17

Gettingbysomehow · 07/06/2025 19:23

Tell him to get a paternity test, he doesn't even have to have your permission, but yes I agree with previous posters. He is looking for any stupid excuse to excuse his affair.

Yes - but you need to be in the driving seat.

If he does it totally by himself what's to stop him getting a swab (or what ever is required for the test) from a mate to throw the test.

And/or getting swab from another child.

Also for cast iron certainty include yourself in the test too.

His attitude shows a marriage threatening lack of trust.

All the best.

desperatedaysareover · 07/06/2025 22:15

Hmmm… creative variation on the Script? Cos if he wants to find out, he could have had a test done, all on the quiet, without mentioning it to you. It’s nuts.

allmycagesweremental · 07/06/2025 22:12

Yeah, this would be a LTB moment for me. When you break it down her is accusing you of not just cheating but getting pregnant by someone else, having that baby and then deceiving him this whole time into believing another man’s child is his. THAT is the type of person he thinks you are? He thinks you’re capable of that? I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who had such a low opinion of me. It’s incredibly hurtful.

Hoogey · 07/06/2025 22:11

He's projecting. My ex did this when I was pregnant and accused me of cheating when HE WAS SHAGGING HIS MISTRESS. Its classic - you should call him out on it. Wanker.

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 22:10

I would get him to repeat his nasty accusation to his parents who no doubt will be horrified he is risking them not seeing their grandchild.

I bet his mother would go spare at him!

k1233 · 07/06/2025 22:10

If you want to see his phone wait till it's in his hand and tell him you're more than happy to do a DNA test on DS if you can see his phone right now. Not in 5 minutes, but right now. Tell him if he says no, you'll be left with no other conclusion that he's hiding something and most likely an affair. After all it's very common for cheaters to accuse their partners of cheating. See how he reacts to being accused of cheating.

Scentedjasmin · 07/06/2025 22:05

I would lay it out on the table and say that if there is no trust there, then why should you trust him. Tell him it works both ways. Tell him that you will happily do a dna test if he pays and if he immediately hands over his phone/ laptop and all his passwords!

Bridgetjonesheart · 07/06/2025 22:01

Get the test then tell him to f*ck off

StooOrangeyForCrows · 07/06/2025 22:00

TomatoSandwiches · 07/06/2025 19:13

I'd not hang around to be accused of cheating, I'd leave and put my claim in for CM and he can request a test through them.

What a twat.

This would be me too.

I would send him a copy of the cert first class and that would be the limit of me extending him further goodwill.

Init4thecatz · 07/06/2025 21:57

Do the test, but on the spot (out of the blue) say you want to see his phone.

"I'm happy do do this, but it shows you don't trust me. I am doing this test to alleviate those concerns, but as a reciprocal demonstration, I want to see your phone. I believe that this could be a guilt thing, and that you might be projecting".

If he fights it mite than a "yeah, just don't read the texts between my mum and i"... then you've got a problem.

GreenCandleWax · 07/06/2025 21:56

Omgblueskys · 07/06/2025 21:26

Op please don't doubt yourself with, he doesn't know me, of course he does, and of course you haven't had an affair and little one is his, but what's his game, we're does he want this to go, what's he going to do when the test comes back ( he's the daddy) of course it will, what then, wonder what the game plan is, ??
He hasn't realised the damage this will do or has he,
You need to play nice, get dna done while snooping around for clues anything, ipad, phone if you can get it, savnav to see postcodes, monthly expenses if anything sticks out, fone bill, does he have a works fone,
God why do they do this , it will come out sooner or later op, hang in there and start getting your ducks in a row,

Show quote history

Why should OP demean herself by doing the test?

GreenCandleWax · 07/06/2025 21:52

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 20:55

Yeah you’re all right – it’s bloody grim. I did a bit of digging earlier and some of the vids in his watch history are full-on MRA crap. Proper toxic stuff. “All women cheat”, “paternity fraud is normal”, “masculinity under attack” – absolute brain sludge. Can’t believe he’s gone from normal, funny, mostly decent bloke to this overnight. Feels like I’ve lost him to the internet.

I might try saying that to him, that I see what’s happening and he needs to snap out of it if there’s any hope. But truth is, part of me’s already halfway out the door. I don’t even want to touch him right now. Don’t want him near me. It’s not just the accusation – it’s that he looked me dead in the eye and said he didn’t know if DS was his. After everything. How do you come back from that?

He’s upstairs now watching telly like nothing’s happened. I’m downstairs shaking.

I’ll get the test sorted, more for my own sanity at this point. But yeah. He’s a prize cockwomble and I deserve better. Just need to get through the next few days without crying in front of DS.

Not sure why you think its a good idea to do the paternity test, OP.
In your shoes I would feel totally demeaned by doing it, as you know that DH is the father but DH says he doesn't trust you. The onus should not be on you to "prove" what a loving decent partner should already know and trust you for.
i wouldn't do it. Hold your head high, you have nothing to prove. Once you are divorced (and there is no coming back from this unless he is having a mental breakdown of some sort), he can apply for a test if he contests CMS. He has just thrown a massive hand grenade into your marriage, and blown it up. He has destroyed it, not you, and its not for you to clear up the mess or run round after him now. Sorry its so awful. 💐

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 21:48

I believe that this hasn’t come from him originally.

He’s raised the boy and bonded with him. Someone has put a vicious tongue in his ear and said that his son doesn’t resemble him and being a weak man he has allowed that seed of doubt to grow in his mind to use as a weapon against you.

As suggested already, have a DNA test and divorce him.