DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

God almighty- this! Came on to say the same thing. I’d be off like a shot.

NO personal experience but the manosphere advises men to always get a DNA test, because so many women cheat (allegedly). If the woman refuses this is taken as proof she cheated and is trying to get him to pay to raise another man's child. "If she was innocent, she'd not refuse."
Has he been getting onto incel sites lately? Or has one of his mates been maybe?

Maybe a dna test and then therapy for your DH.

You may find that it is a projection, but therapy may get to the bottom of it.

Give yourself a set amount of time to see if you can forgive him. You must be heartbroken.

Sending a virtual hug x

I appreciate that punnett squares are limited, and are poor predictors of some traits but, similarly, two short parents can produce a tall child (its just less likely).

I'm 6" taller than either of my parents.

I would also bet money he's cheating. It's such a cliche that they project and view others with their own shitty moral standards. 😡

I'd say nothing for now. Nada.

But I'd definitely be trying to see his phone. I'd also be getting my ducks in a row to leave.

Things like height don’t work with a punnett square. They are continuous not just dominant/recessive.

Even a punnett square can’t explain genetics neither parent possesses for continuous data. But the poster has clarified what she meant now.

Oh I see! That makes more sense!

Blimey OP! Having red all of your updates the evidence is clear, isn’t it? It hasn’t happened over night though, you’ve been watching it unfold in plain sight for some time.

time to get your shit together and protect yourself. Couples counselling is likely the only solution. I’m sorry but good luck op!

I have 3 girls who are all totally different. 1st is the spit of her dad nothing like me but still makes her mine as I pushed her out lol. 2nd girl is a very good mix of both and 3rd girl is just me lookings hair color and attitude nothing like her dad at all he has never once said to me he thinks she is someone else's as he knows how genetics work sometime they take after more of 1 person than the other.

Genetics.... dominant and recessive genes... you very likely covered punnett squares in school at some point.

Sorry missed punctuation...I meant neither of us have the tall and slim build hes got the best of both sets of genes. The blue eyes and fair skin is genetic from me 🤣🙈

You don't need one assuming he's on the BC. He can contest paternity, but he'll be liable for CM unless he gets a negative test. And I think the CMS have certain services that they use so he can't fake it.

um … how is he like that then ?!

I don't think I could come back from this op..he's accusing you of cheating, the worst type of deception with zero grounds just because he's got an idea in his head.
I could say many things about my ex dp but he never once questioned parentage and our son looks nothing like him - distinct hair colour (that neither of us have) fair skin, blue eyes tall and extremely slight when neither of us are like that!

The incel stuff is bloody awful

Well get a DNA test. You’ll need it to claim maintenance when you split up.

To me, this doesn't sound like a accusation born from him being unfaithful. He sounds more like he's fallen down the MRA rabbit hole, and is well along the path of radicalization (as evidenced by his baseless accusations and the hurt they are causing his family).

I can somewhat understand lonely and isolated men (who arent inherently awful) getting sucked into this nonsense, but one with a wife and child? He's likely just instinctively very misogynistic, and the prominence of the likes of Tate now makes him feel emboldened to show his true colours.

Honestly, I couldn't respect someone like that or maintain a relationship with them, nor do I think there's likely any way back. I expect he will become worse over time.

Sorry, OP, but I think its ducks in a row time, and if you try to make the relationship survive, I think you will likely come to regret it.

There might be a slim chance of him snapping out of it if you take decisive action and separate, but I wouldn't bank on it.

FWIW, which is probably nothing, I've made an appropriate namechange for this post.

Well that’s kinda what they do: create a reason for you to walk away. That way they get what they want but don’t actually have to take the plunge or wear the guilt.

One of my DC looks nothing like me (I'm their mum!) so it's perfectly possible to be completely genetically related and look absolutely nothing like one of your parents!

Your DH has put one drop of poison into your marriage but that's all it takes to kill it.

I'm so sorry. My first thought was that he wants OUT of the marriage and out of any and all parenting responsibilities and doesn't have the courage to discuss this with you. Instead, he's making you reject him/end things, and then he will play the victim to the outside world while casting you as the villain. The cowards who do this often go way too far, wanting to make absolutely sure their partner HAS to end a relationship they've made intolerable and there's no way to back out. And bonus for him, when asked why the breakup happened he just says that the two if you fell out when he confronted you about pretending that the baby was his, garnering him sympathy for the ignorant. In his mind, he's not even lying.

Whatever else you do, consider telling him in no uncertain terms that there's no chance that the baby's not his biological child, and he can fully expect to be doing his half of the parenting for the next fifteen plus years including paying his share of the costs and doing his share of the work, and he needs to drop the insane misogynistic bigotry in order to parent a son. Then take the test but be prepared for him to start ranting about you poking holes in the condom, or whatever. But remind him, he hasn't just accused you of cheating on him, but also of lying, for years, about the most important thing in both of your lives. Not just to him but to everyone, including your son. If he ever was a decent human, he must be feeling at least a tiny bit of dissonance about this.

Everybody knows rationally that children come out with all sorts of features and complexions (and I'd imagine even the husband in this story knows it too), but online radicalisation is so powerful it gets you completely suspending your belief in basic, obvious facts.

My two sons look very different from each other - one has my darkish skin and curly hair, the other somehow looks like Ragnar Lothbrok with fine, almost white hair. But I don't watch Andrew Tate, so I don't then reach the conclusion that my dw has had a secret affair around the conception

I would disagree that it gives credence to his accusation. I would say that the mum saying "absolutely, do the test" shows she is 100% confident he's the dad. I have been in this situation with my dad saying he wasn't our dad. Course he was, DNA proved.

my dad said similar shit

we got tested

guess what, nasty dad is definitely the father of all of us - made up fiction to suggest otherwise - mum was keen to do the tests to prove him absolutely 100% wrong.

we don't speak to him as adults

This!

What he has accused you of is a bell that can’t be unrung. No way, would I get a test done in order to prove my innocence, It’s giving credence to his accusation. If he thinks he isn’t the father, then he can get a test done to prove either way, but for me, the marriage would be over. The secrecy with his phone and his opportunities for cheating would be a big red flag for me. as others have said he’s projecting.