To think this is fair if we are not married?

My partner and I have been together for 22 years and aren't married, people need to not be derogatory about unmarried couples which is far for more regular these days. My partner is my life partner, not my boyfriend after all this time! The OP sounds like they aren't that in to the relationship and that's not something a marriage certificate will fix.

Thats just a ridiculous take.

How did a couple have a child together when they are so seperate and are seemingly only bothered about each others money.

My partner and I have been together for 22 years without being married, we have a mortgage together and are beneficiaries to each others pensions etc.
The thing that matters is whether you actually enjoy being together and see yourselves as being compatible and feel you have a future together. A marriage certificate won't hold a bad relationship together. Your approach this money seems a bit clinical. I was made redundant in September and was unemployed until beginning Feb and I never expected my partner to pay me money, he took care of everything financially whilst I job hunted.

My partner and I have been together for 22 years without being married and we've lived together and shared a mortgage all that time. Relationships can be perfectly solid and stable without marriage, a lot less people are married these days.

Which is never. Nobody could possibly guarantee that they’ll spend the next 16 years in the same place. It’s ludicrous.

Resident doctors have to move around. After that they can choose even if it means being a clinical fellow or locum for few years. They should continue current arrangement until the dad is certain he has to be in that location forever

This

This is absolutely spot on.

Surely the sacrifices of moving and leaving a job are worth it as the reason for the move is having the family together?

My partner is exactly the same and it doesn’t feel like a relationship. We have kids and she makes sure everything is 50/50 unless it’s in her favour. We’re house mates that have kids together.

For me OP, yes it’s wise to make sure you’re comfortable with the move, but think about the reasons why you’d be doing it. If you don’t want to leave your job and that’s more important than the kid being with you and dad then just don’t do it. But I don’t think it sounds like you’re invested or have much faith in the relationship from your first post.

seem to completely overlook the huge advantage to your daughter of having her parents together.

Well daddy could solve this by looking for a job close to dd not 4 hours away?!
Why is on op to uproot?
Daddy seems very mobile and deliberately choosing to seek work far away and make op uproot her stability

That s a lot to give up with no security through marriage. And even if married it is giving up financially to rely on him and move etc
Do not give up a 4k a month job.
And a nice flat etc settled in.
Maybe wait while dp establish establish in new job. What if he decides on one year to move? What if he decides is not for him? Do you actually want to move to that new area?
He as medical can work anywhere right? So why isn't he looking for a job near you?

Talk about first world problems xx

If you find a job first, there’s no need for any financial sacrifice.
Your DD will be absolutely fine settling at a new nursery - she’s only 2! Playmates are playmates.
The time off you are wanting/expecting is totally unreasonable. You need a couple of weeks, tops.

Medical does kind of indicate a doctor. She says neither of them is ready for marriage so a proposal is irrelevant.

The OP doesn’t actually say he’s a doctor in any of her posts.

But even if he is, how likely is it that he can both ensure if the OP gives up her job, security, home friendships etc to follow him to this new location, he won’t move again before dd has finished education, yet also is completely incapable of applying for roles near the OP, even if it takes a couple of years to find the right role and move. (I am assuming the OP doesn’t live in the middle of nowhere and has a large town/city within reasonable distance).

The OP is being expected to give up a lot for the career of a man who’s not committed enough to propose.

Strangely, every single female medic with a dc I know (and I know a lot) has managed to also live with and care for their dc.

I'm aware medicine is a challenging profession, and that prioritising your dc may hurt your career. But I don't think it's impossible!

He’s a doctor. You do understand how resident doctors rotations work? He can’t choose where he lives or just get another job.

What would be best for you and dd would be for him to take a job near you, even if it’s a slightly lower paying job, and move in with you.

what is only best for him is you giving up your job on the hope in an competitive market you can get something near him, taking dd away from the nursery she’s settling in, taking you away from local friends and your support network, expecting you both to start over in an area he’s just in because it’s offering a well paying job.

saying you have requirements (which probably should include marriage) before you are prepared to trash both yours and dds lives purely for his benefit is not unreasonable.

Have you spent any time at all living together so far? It feels risky to make such a big move.

You earn good money where you are, why not save some and then move?

Thousands of people move and start a new job simultaneously. I can’t believe the cheek of this. The order is get a new job, rent your flat out, move, settle child into nursery in two weeks, start new job.

People criticising the DP for moving around for his work, this is absolutely normal for young medics, they have to go to where the right post is to progress through their training. When they're older they do have a bit more choice, but still have to go to a post in their specialism.

Just find the job first. I'm amazed that you haven't already discussed the financial practicalities with your DP. Surely you're close enough to do this?

Sure a week i get 6 months why?

I think, if you're hoping to be financially supported, you need to get married for your own protection.

I don't buy the "I don't feel comfortable getting a job" stuff. The obvious thing is to stay put and move when you have a job to move to. I don't think it's reasonable to expect your dp to be the sole earner unless that's something you've both agreed to.

I think it makes sense to tread carefully. You're effectively a single parent considering moving in with a guy you don't know that well. It's sensible to make sure you're financially safe and your dc isn't impacted too much, and moving across the country is a big ask. I just think you'll be better off assuring your own finances that relying on a guy you aren't married to and hasn't, so far, prioritised his dc.