To think this is fair if we are not married?

Makes sense not to sell your property for a while till you see how it all works out. Agree though that 1-2 months is enough settling time. And not sure why you're not either of you 'ready for marriage' when you've had a child together!

Even if he paid you for 6 months you would be crazy to give up work for it. You are unmarried chasing his work.

Also bonkers to need six months to settle to even try to find work but I think deep down that might be a nice little excuse to not move rather than owning that you don’t want to month.

Why doesn’t he try and find a permanent post near his child rather than making his child and partner move across country. Not like medical friend only exists in tiny places. It’s everywhere.

We moved when my daughter as 2. I took 2 weeks off work to help her settle. The first week we did settling in sessions at the new nursery, the next week she did slightly shorter than normal days whilst we sorted the house and the third week I went back to work on my usual hours. I didn't have to move jobs though.

I'd look for a new job and give yourself 4-6 weeks to move and transition. Most jobs would expect 4-12 weeks notice period for moving jobs. I wouldn't uproot my life without a job lined up. I'm in a niche field and was made redundant in Feb alongside 2 others and in that time 1 completely suitable job has come up and that was a favour from an old colleague who persuaded his company to open up a new position. One of my other colleagues got it. I'm facing a 1-2 year career break as I'm also pregnant. I have the security of being in a civil partnership with someone I have been with for nearly 20 years. I would be a lot more nervous if I was in this position with a newer untested relationship.
I think you are absolutely in the right that you need to have a discussion about the division of finances before you relocate. Have you given any thought about what would happen if you found you couldn't live together?

Do you want to move in with him? Do you see each other as life partners?
Do want to move 4 hours away, never having lived with him before?
Has he stayed regularly with DD so he knows what to expect when you both move in with him?
You seem to be risking an awful lot so I understand why you would want to keep your home ticking over just in case. However it (obviously) makes you seem not fully committed to the relationship which might not be the right way to begin your life together.
He would be paying for everything-£1400 for an empty house plus all your housing and living expenses until you get a job. That doesn’t seem great from his perspective.
I think you need to find a job sooner rather than later, put tenants in your place to cover the mortgage, and commit to life together.
Or don’t do it if this is not the right decision for you.

Did he consult with you before looking for work somewhere else?

I do agree that if you make the move he should be contributing to you financially so that you are not the one who suffers. You are already sacrificing by agreeing to change jobs. He should cover your losses from moving.

however, 6-12 months of not working is ridiculous. Find a job before you move and give yourself at most a month to make the move and get your child settled.

This.

Is the 6 month period testing the waters to see if you can live together?

Otherwise, I'm.not sure why you wouldn't rent your existing property out, so it doesn't require 1.4k maintenance from your DP?

I do agree you're making sacrifices for the family while unmarried, so you're wise to be cautious & not end up dipping into solely your savings if you want to keep you other house empty - but 6 months is perhaps a bit long.

Honestly, you don't sound sure. Do you want to move and be with him or are you doing it for your DD?

I think you would be mad to move and give up a job paying £4k a month without the security of marriage.

There is no real ‘financial sacrifice’. You could just start a job within a month of the move. Children adjust very quickly in my experience.
Expecting him to pay your pension is taking the piss

This - what do you get from the move other than being a family and why is he so far away

Are you going to sell your place of rent it out? Are you going to be contributing to your dp mortgage? As you’re not married it will go to his next of kin if he passes away. If you split up you won’t get anything so do make a legal agreement on the place you will live.

I wouldn't move without a job. Too risky. You can surely negotiate a start date to give you a month or so to settle in.

This is so messed up. I don’t even know where to begin.

Do you plan on moving in with your child’s father? You refer to “move to” him. Are you going to live separately or as a family?

What is your goal and what is his goal?

Are you doing the for the child’s sake or a family-unit’s sake?

The practicalities flow from these (and probably other) questions, not the other way round.

And I agree with a pp: it doesn’t take 6-12months for a toddler to settle in somewhere. It takes a week or two. It’s your job as her parent to make the transition smooth: have her new home ready, have a nursery place lined up, make the move hitch free, know where everything is. What do you envision, practically, as “settling in” for 6-12 months? Like, what does that look like for you?

I understand why your post is transactional, OP. Nonetheless, I am wondering whether you don't need to ask yourself the question 'Do I see mine and DD's future with this man?' DP has made a suggestion. You don't have to follow it. You are entitled to say 'On balance, I'll keep the weekend stress to stay where we are and keep the job I have.' You are also entitled to open a conversation with DP about your future together. If marriage is important for you, that's surely a conversation you need to have, rather than coming to conclusions by yourself about the timing of such a conversation.

Will you be paying him rent? The ‘transaction does involve 2 parties’. You don’t have to move, i cannot see why he should pay anything more than the costs he contributes to the raising the child. The pension request is unreasonable as you are choosing to not get a job quickly.

How much equity will you be giving him for him taking on your mortgage payments?
You forgot to include that in your post

I agree with you about taking your time. How much more does he earn? Would you be able to do your present job and work from home? How easy will it be to find another job that pays as well? Is the area he's going to going to have such a well paid job available? I'm worried about you moving and not being able to get a good job.

Would you rent out your home for six months? That would lighten the load. I wouldn't want my home to be left empty for that long.

How will you 'pay your way' if you don't have a job?

It’s not going to take 6 months to settle a small child who already attends nursery, one month between leaving your current job and starting a new job is plenty to move and settle her in.

if you are having second thoughts about your relationship then it’s obviously a different situation and would suggest renting your property on a lease with a 6 month break clause to give you that security if things do not work out

Is it likely that you'll be able to find similar, suitable work easily in the area OP?