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Original poster

Husband masturbating to messages

197 replies

Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:03

This is very niche so bear with me.

My husband and I have a ring camera in our bedroom- we use it for security as we have a glass exterior door. I went to check as I had a missing parcel supposedly delivered.

While scrolling through looking for the evri delivery, I noticed DH masturbating. I could see his phone screen and there were messages on there. He intermittently stopped, looked at porn and then continued to message this person throughout.

I spoke with him and he admits it looks weird but says he was just messaging his friendship group chat. I’m struggling to believe this and don’t feel I can move on until he has shown me who he was messaging at that time.

I can’t eat or sleep with the worry of this. I’ve been cheated on before and have really worked hard to overcome the impact it has had on me. Now I feel like I’m right back in it.

AIBU to ask to see who he was messaging?

OP posts:
Eagle2025 · 07/06/2025 15:05

Lovethystupidneighbour · 07/06/2025 14:18

Honestly although it looks bad, and it very well might be, I can’t believe you watched that.

What a fucking gross invasion of privacy.

How is looking at her own ring doorbell video a gross invasion of privacy

LaughingCat · 07/06/2025 15:03

No issue with the porn or masturbation - perfectly normal part of life and never met a guy who didn’t do both (no matter what they claim!).

The messaging is weird, but I guess I’ve answered messages before as well during, erm, private time.

But the refusal to show you those messages…he should be keen to clear up your confusion, not telling you that if you loved and trusted him, you wouldn’t need to see them.

I’m so sorry, OP, but that would be a red line for me.

LittleHouseOnThePrarie · 07/06/2025 15:02

notadrift · 07/06/2025 14:56

You have somehow missed the point of the thread. Totally.

Show quote history

But the point is most people would realise it was odd or impossible for door camera to record your bed/bedroom.

PermanentTemporary · 07/06/2025 15:02

I would be 99% certain he was sexting. I don't think he's going to admit it. The next step is to decide what you want to do.

If I'm completely honest I would almost be more turned off by his lack of intelligence in wanking under the eye of a camera he installed himself that you have access to than the sexting itself. But I accept that's a bit of a cynical view. I'm old.

LittleHouseOnThePrarie · 07/06/2025 15:01

I f the camera is pointing at an external door how does it catch your bed as well? Are you saying your bedroom door is all glass?

Franpie · 07/06/2025 15:01

Rhayader · 07/06/2025 14:51

If this was my husband he would be handing over his phone and asking me to check to prove his innocence. I’m really sorry but if he’s refusing to show you then it’s probably not good news…

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This

Franpie · 07/06/2025 15:00

I can’t get past the fact the you have a Ring camera that can see your bed. So every time you have sex in your bed it is being picked up on the Ring and stored on Amazon’s servers??? Why isn’t the Ring placed outside covering the outside of the door only?

notadrift · 07/06/2025 14:56

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/06/2025 14:52

I couldn't imagine having a recording camera in the privacy of the bedroom.
Very weird.
Not because I want to pleasure myself but I might want to pick my nose or pluck a nipple stray hair.
Put the camera outside the patio.

You have somehow missed the point of the thread. Totally.

SnemonyLicket · 07/06/2025 14:56

Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:36

The front door of the house is for the apartment above. I have my delivery settings to deliver to back door- which is my front.

Previous history is that I was cheated on by an ex. For quite some time. It took a lot of hard work and time on my part to get past it.

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So he’s basically trying to guilt trip you into letting this go then.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/06/2025 14:52

I couldn't imagine having a recording camera in the privacy of the bedroom.
Very weird.
Not because I want to pleasure myself but I might want to pick my nose or pluck a nipple stray hair.
Put the camera outside the patio.

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 07/06/2025 14:52

Was he knocking one out on the front step?

Rhayader · 07/06/2025 14:51

Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:40

I wouldn’t ever look through his phone though… I’ve asked him to just show me the messages from the time on the camera but he’s refusing and saying I need to trust him

Show quote history

If this was my husband he would be handing over his phone and asking me to check to prove his innocence. I’m really sorry but if he’s refusing to show you then it’s probably not good news…

GivingUpFinally · 07/06/2025 14:45

Could he Have been messaging AI? Rather than another person? Which tbf I'd be mortified about. (Definitely not my kind of thing)

Not sure if I'd consider it cheating if it was an AI chatbot. Not sure how I'd feel tbh. But like you I'd need to know, who, what and why.

TooSquaretobehip · 07/06/2025 14:41

Him looking at porn is enough for me to file for divorce. I would not accept that in my marriage. If he had nothing to hide, he'd show you the message. The fact he won't show you the message proves he is cheating and is guilty. I could not move past this at all. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

Original poster
Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:40

Rhayader · 07/06/2025 14:39

If you know when it was from the ring camera then you can look at his WhatsApp group chat and see if there’s logs of him sending messages at those times.

He can delete messages but he can’t create messages from the past.

I wouldn’t ever look through his phone though… I’ve asked him to just show me the messages from the time on the camera but he’s refusing and saying I need to trust him

OP posts:
Rhayader · 07/06/2025 14:39

If you know when it was from the ring camera then you can look at his WhatsApp group chat and see if there’s logs of him sending messages at those times.

He can delete messages but he can’t create messages from the past.

OrangeCrushes · 07/06/2025 14:38

I think he's lying.

notadrift · 07/06/2025 14:38

...and he knows this and is using your vulnerability.

Original poster
Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:36

SnemonyLicket · 07/06/2025 14:32

Why would you need to look for an Evri delivery through a bedroom camera? Is the front door of your house in your bedroom? Also, what previous history is he referring to?

The front door of the house is for the apartment above. I have my delivery settings to deliver to back door- which is my front.

Previous history is that I was cheated on by an ex. For quite some time. It took a lot of hard work and time on my part to get past it.

OP posts:
notadrift · 07/06/2025 14:35

sexting. 100%. He is a liar.

Original poster
Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:32

FoodAppropriation · 07/06/2025 14:26

Having a camera pointing at your own bed is weird and grim frankly.

I don’t know how many times I can say it- it’s not pointing at the bed though, it’s pointed at the external door which is by the bed. It’s sat on the only surface we can see the back door from. I am here a lot on my own and the area had a lot of burglars in the new year. He bought the camera, set it up, pays for the subscription and is the one that actually wants it.

I don’t sit flicking through videos of my door for fun. I wasn’t even aware he was at home at the time (he was supposed to be at work), and if I had known he’d been at home I would have just asked had evri knocked the door!

It was impossible to miss the phone and the action. I wish I hadn’t seen it and I will be throwing the camera in the bin.

OP posts:
SnemonyLicket · 07/06/2025 14:32

Why would you need to look for an Evri delivery through a bedroom camera? Is the front door of your house in your bedroom? Also, what previous history is he referring to?

seaelephant · 07/06/2025 14:31

Bizareness of a camera in the bedroom aside, I don't think it's totally outwith the realm of possibility that he was messaging his mates, I sometimes idly scroll on my phone with my hand in my pants. But the fact that he's adamantly refusing to prove it says it all.

godmum56 · 07/06/2025 14:30

Sunsh89 · 07/06/2025 14:12

I think you’re right. He’s trying to say that if I don’t trust him then what is it worth…. Without trust there’s nothing etc. I feel like I’m being gaslit.

I’m absolutely heartbroken.

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he is absolutely right because you don't trust him and YOU are absolutely right not to. So yes without trust there is nothing and he has forfeited yours.

MasterBeth · 07/06/2025 14:26

I'm not sure if it's weirder to have a wank while you're WhatsApping your mates or to watch your other half do it on the Ring doorbell in your... bedroom?