40 year old man - spoilt by mummy

Where do you get "unemployed" from. OP was clear in her post that "he does work". Did you not read this?

This type of thinking is what allows these feckless, selfish, pathetic men get away with it in the first place.

OF COURSE OP can judge, as can the rest of us. Might make these sperm donors sit up and think more if people showed their true disgust to them

I totally get your resentment at this situation, especially if she is also your mother and perhaps deep down you feel unfavourably treated in comparison to him? Your post isn’t clear about whether she is also your mother so Im sorry if I’ve got this wrong.
He sounds like a feckless useless father but the holiday issue is kind of separate. Also we don’t know enough to really make a judgement. We don’t know what level of contact he has with the kids (if it’s little or none then taking them on holiday would hardly make much sense or be in their interests would it?), what contact they have with each other (so therefore how they would perceive him taking one kid and not the others), whether he’s a suitable person to be taking them on holiday and whether their mothers would be happy with it. Maybe the budget of whoever was paying didn’t stretch to including children. He works but holidays are expensive? If mother chose to fund it all that’s really her look out although I suspect there is a reason you’ve gone no contact. If that’s what’s happened here.
It would be better for you to let go of your bitterness and resentment and leave them all to their shitty devices.

You're supposed to love yours kids unconditionally. You shouldn't have them if you aren't capable of that.

Your brother clearly doesn't. His mum clearly does love him like that. You can't judge her by his standards. But its fine to judge him.

Is she your mum and is your dad on the scene?

Maybe your mother feels he is vulnerable and lost in life. Parents tend to become focused on the weaker children. Perhaps they both have similar weaknesses and can identify with each other.

Issues like this used to annoy me years ago. My brother got away with murder. Now I realise that my brother is an anxious and underconfident mess who struggles to cope. I don't mind the extra leeway as right now he can't cope.

Not sure what the underlying issue with your brother is but I would let them at it, and just be glad I'm not him.

He's not unemployed, op said he does work

I’m sorry to say that your db sounds like an absolute deadbeat.

Nah you’re quite right to judge. More people need to judge men for being deadbeats - the same way they judge women for walking out on their kids.

If anything, it needs to be made MORE socially unacceptable for men to more or less abandon their kids. I would shun any man in my life who did this.

In the U.S. men can go to jail for not financially supporting their kids. I don’t know if prison is the answer but it certainly should be illegal.

The rest of society and their children most of all pay the consequences of this. As you say his kids are living in poverty and I’m sure their mothers are claiming tax payer funded benefits as a result.

There is NO excuse to be a deadbeat to one child - what possible reason or excuses would justify going on to have five more kids when you know you’re - for whatever reason - unable to be a decent father?

You need to find positive ways to channel your energy, and stop focusing on them. Who cares if your 35 year old brother is on holidays with his mother? She wanted him there, so she invited him. He wanted to go, so he went. So, off they went. This doesn't affect you.

I wouldn't give him dad if the year award but it's not up to me to judge. I have no idea what he has been through or why he can't step up to being a responsible father.

Please focus in on your own life and try to be a great parent instead of getting bogged down with other people's failures. Simmering with resentment won't get you anywhere. I don't want to come across as patronising as I've been there myself. Let them at it.

It's not up to you to judge OP.

The brother is not unemployed

Fair enough btw I wasn’t blaming you necessarily as I appreciate it’s not always possible or easy to have access to kids that aren’t yours just because you’re related. That’s just what I would ideally do if I could.

Seems odd if they were invited that children would’ve never been anywhere would decline that, if the same offer was made.
Two are adults, two are teens, 2 little ones ish

It’s not odd really - maybe they don’t want to go on holiday with the deadbeat dad and want to wait to go with their mum one day when they can afford it. Also if they weren’t invited it’s Hardly a surprise surely? he’s a deadbeat dad so you can’t expect much from him really.

If I had a kid with a man who wasn’t financially supporting them I’d
decline holiday invites and say he needs to get the basics in order ie weekly/monthly contributions.

Re. Paedophile BIL well between that and the lack of support in his kids life he is clearly an irresponsible father. It’s a good thing he isn’t taking the children on holiday.

If he couldn't take 6 he shouldn't take any. Picking and choosing which child to treat is more damaging than treating none of them.

But he has no business enjoying a holiday (or anything else for that matter) if he's not supporting his own children. That's how being a parent works, you make sure the children are well taken care of first, then you think of your own happiness.

If that was my son, I wouldn’t be treating him to a holiday. I would be kicking him up the arse for being such a shit dad

If that were my son at 40 with loads of kids that he doesn't pay a penny for I wouldn't be treating the little fucker to a holiday

Can you imagine what MN would say if someone posted that the father of their child was a deadbeat dad, they lived in poverty because he refused to contribute, he has 6 kids with different mums and now he’s suddenly suggesting taking the child on holiday with his mum (and btw her BIL is a convicted paedophile)?

Well I don't know the situation.

It's possible he was having a hard time that you don't know about, or there's a medical issue or he's had some bad news or something, and they took him away for a break or to recoup or something..

Who knows...

So he doesn’t live with the children full time? That’s a very different story op- very different paying for one person’s holiday to paying for six children plus if he doesn’t have them full time then he’s free to do what he wants then.

He does need to step up financially though