People who always big themselves up..

My mum 🙄.

Visiting with my parents just now, on my own rather than with DH and two DSs so I have more time to actually listen to her. Everything she says, either directly or indirectly, is basically saying how great she is. Whether she is correcting what other people say (she has to be right, because she’s very clever, and this has to be acknowledged) or bending any conversation to be about herself and how sharp / clever / perceptive she is or how she’s made the best decisions etc etc, it’s all about her being right / better / best. It is absolutely exhausting and I do not know how my dad stands it.

i assume it started with insecurity and is just utterly engrained now. It makes conversation with her hard work and quite boring. Every single conversation ends up being about her.

but i always big up my brother

so despite him constantly bigging up himself
despite it irritating the hell out of you and you finding it “tiring”
despite him constantly complaining about “how stupid other people are”
and despite fact your brother’s wife also is constantly bigging him up and saying how amazing he is….

you also “always big up my brother”

😕

My manager appears to think that he is God, if that counts.

He continually reinforces how fabulous he is by putting us Mere Minions down, and has caused a lot of people to leave their jobs because he's so awful. Needless to say, we come up with all sorts of creative ways of getting rid of him! We're just yet to find one that works...

My colleague is like this, whatever you've had or done she can go one better. Does my head in.

I don't really.
To be honest I avoid these people as they grind my gears.

This is so interesting…because my ADHD teenage son is always blowing his own trumpet too!

Yes I've ended in a friendship group with one of them, they are exhausting and competitive, but like others have said I just feel embarrassed for them, although I don't understand why, very successful and pretty nice family, I know it comes from a place of deep insecurity. I have to stop myself physically cringing sometimes when they start.

I would absolutely be the same, it sounds hugely cringey, but could you suggest to your team that they say something about one another if they don't want to say something about themselves? you said the other teams said "we" so can talk about collective achievements not just individual. So at least instead of saying "I closed a really big case today" they could say "I want to highlight that Jane closed a really important case today." Or "I know Simon won't say so himself because he's too modest but he got some incredible feedback from a client today."

Ideally a manager (not sure if you are?) should be taking the lead on doing this if the rest of the team couldn't, to make sure they got their fair due.

Sometimes you have to play the corporate game even if it doesn't come naturally.

That's the thing, they don't. If you're truly secure, there wouldn't be a fixation on continually listing said achievements. It is a form of insecurity, or alternatively a sociopath ! 😂

Oh what’s that character in Jane Austen’s Emma who is forever saying ‘well of course others say I’m a great beauty / wit / judge of character’ 😆

Do people like this even have insecurities?

I know someone like this - completely exaggerates and bigs up literally every single thing even the tiniest thing - and she has never come across as insecure so I’m not convinced in her head she feels insecure.

My XBiL actually had headed notepaper with "Bob Smith World Champion af Everything" on it.
He used it to reply to our wedding invitations. It didn't go down well with my headmistress mother.

He was a bigsy twat 40 years ago and is still a bigsy twat.

My DSis is very much a bigger upper of herself, her DP, her kids, her dogs, her cats. They are all apparently the best and cleverest and most talented things that have ever existed.

It annoys me but I also find it quite amusing. She’s never worked, never had to (because of her DP being so clever and therefore rich) but makes it quite clear that if at any time she had wanted to do my career, your career, anyone’s career, she would have been much better at it.

Also, she’s always read all books and watched all films long before we have so therefore knows much more about them.

I love her really.

I know a couple of people in the work place like this and they are usually the complete opposite of what they tell me they think they are.

It’s just different personalities. At my company we are actively encouraged to do this for ourselves, our teams and colleagues. There is a formal process on Fridays to nominate others for good work (all nominees get £25 but then are assessed for a bigger sum and more recognition). There is also an informal process where people are encouraged to blow their own trumpets at the end of meetings, this is where it is both painful and amusing in equal measure. The people who work in corporate affairs, press relations and community are the biggest gobshites, bursting to tell everyone the most minute ‘wins’ e.g. “we sent 10 emails yesterday, we’re on FIRE!” but the overall personality of my team is to shrink away from any attention and as a result we don’t really get the recognition we deserve. We have been tasked with making more effort and not hide our lights under a bushel but to date, we have not uttered one word of self praise.

I've got a friend like this, everything that happens to her is sooo much worse than anyone else, she's always had the besssst weekend and she only remembers to ask about my problems/weekend as an afterthought. Highly annoying and makes me feel unimportant. Considering whether to continue the friendship 🤔.

The best way to deal with people who constantly big themselves up is to take the piss out of them relentlessly, surely. Or, just flat out laugh at them. I really cannot keep a straight face in this sort of situation. If it's family, that's even better.

Very likely the same reason as mine (maybe.) Insecure/low self esteem.

My ex husband is exactly the same. I’ve never been able to work out why he does it.

Thy sound like my husband's brother and his wife. So insufferable!

I have met many people like this, unfortunately. I honestly think some people thrive on feeling superior or making others feel less-than.

Others are just plain insecure and need admiration.

Have met countless mums whose children are apparently SO superior to everyone else's children......

There's nothing to be done but not react and hope it stops. Or distance yourself.

I had a neighbour who was like this. I used to try to avoid bumping into him as much as possible because you couldn't have a conversation with him without him singing his own praises about something or another. In his opinion,he was never wrong about anything,his opinion was the only one that mattered. He was also one of these annoying people in that nothing ever fazes them. If you complained about any of life's little irritations,he would instantly belittle it and then go on to explain how expertly HE would deal with it. I would come away from every encounter with him feeling drained. I was mightily relieved when he moved away from the area several years ago.

My mother will always big herself up despite achieving nothing. She is a liar though and an actual narc not just a word I am using but she is a narcissist and you can see in her she will for example say 'oh i did xyz for a person today' (it will be minimal) followed by 'god i am really such a caring person, look at me again thinking of others' while looking wistfully into the distance. She makes most peoples lives hell though.

I lived with another person who would tell me all the time how lucky i should feel with him in my life as he is an experienced 'anything' really, he says he has done it all seen it all etc but he seems to be the only one going on about his own achievements despite the fact they are massively in the past and he is currently an unemployed cocklodger.

Interesting on the adhd thing cos I have adhd and would never ever discuss an achievement, the opposite in fact as I am very self deprecating like actually most adhd adults I know. I got an award for something fairly big recently and have not even told my friends.

My DP bigs me up a lot. It’s very sweet but I can imagine it’s annoying. He is always saying shit like “the beautiful wonderful mother of my children and light of my life”. Sometimes when I meet people he’s told about me I think they’re a bit disappointed I’m not a supermodel. I’m pretty good looking but I’m not as good looking as he thinks I am.

My dad unironically believes he is the most handsome man in the world, and he will tell you about it. He is bald, white beard, a gold tooth, and smokes a pack of super kings a day. I will say he’s never been without a girlfriend or wife since he was 15, so I guess some women like it. It’s because his mother told him he was handsome and he just ran with it.

Spend less time with them if they piss you off so much.

I know of one man like this and yes it's intolerable. Everything is 'Oh when I was last in Malaysia elephant back riding' or 'the last gig I went to was in the Gobi desert.' Not quite but you get the idea. He happens to have a sister who thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread so maybe these men with already inflated egos become worse when they have a cheerleader reinforcing how fucking awesome they are?

I know some people like this. I work with one and she’s same grade as me and she’s always going on about how she basically single handedly did X Y and Z and how she was basically doing the role of someone two grades above etc. and I always think to myself if you were this good surely you would have been promoted by now?

Im not confident at all so I secretly want some of her confidence but at times I do just roll my eyes cuz everything is literally about her swooping in to save the day.