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I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

534 replies

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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7
Ummmmmerrrrr · 22/07/2025 12:43

@MoreThanOverwhelmed im so sorry for your loss, I’m a few months ahead of you and it’s not great but it’s slightly easier (and sometimes not). Sending you big hugs.

FloofyKat · 22/07/2025 12:18

I’m so very sorry to read your update. I can only imagine how bereft and sad you must feel. I’m glad you have lovely family around you - be sure to lean on them and let them help you. They will be grieving too, but will want to support you in any way they can,
Sending you big, gentle hugs x

Goldbar31 · 22/07/2025 11:24

I am thinking of you and sending you much love. Very sorry for your loss - it is so unfair.

AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2025 11:21

Sending loads of love xxx

Brizzlerocks · 22/07/2025 11:20

OP. I just wanted to say it's quite normal to drink too much at funerals. Do not even think about beating yourself up about it.

Today I am sure will be terrible and horrific now that it is over with and time yawns. So just to say we are all thinking of you. One day at a time. If it feels too much come and talk to us.

Zov · 22/07/2025 11:10

I'm so sorry @MoreThanOverwhelmed

Wishing you peace and love... No words really. Look after yourself. Flowers

DisabledDemon · 22/07/2025 11:02

Well, I'm not surprised that you're crying. You would have to have a heart of stone not to. You're living in a state of constant stress/distress.

I wish I could say something that would help you and take away this pain. Unfortunately, I have nothing that powerful except to say that I will pray for you. They do say that God does not send more to test us than we can bear but sometimes I really do wonder.

Widower2014 · 22/07/2025 11:00

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

Ask the ward staff for help. Our hospital has a bereavement team on site for siblings loosing a baby brother/sister. When my wife passed unexpectedly, they were brilliant with the kids and me

speckledf · 22/07/2025 10:45

Im really sorry, I have just read your update. I hadn't seen that your OP was back in June. Im so so sorry.

speckledf · 22/07/2025 10:44

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP I am so sorry. I'll pray for you and your family. You have gotten this far. One day at a time. Heck one five minutes at a time if it's what you need. Which part of the country are you in? Maybe some of us could cook for you or support in another way that might be helpful?
Do you have family support for your children during the summer holidays? Respite while you are recovering from surgery?

Isometimeswonder · 22/07/2025 10:21

You are a strong lady and have been there for your husband and kids. Now let people take care of you for a bit.
I am so sorry for your loss xx

Rainbow1901 · 22/07/2025 10:21

I am so sorry for your loss. Lean on everyone you can - just to get you through the days. Let them look after you too as you will be fragile - not just because of your loss but because you are recovering from an operation yourself. Saying a prayer for you and your family.

Whattheduck · 22/07/2025 10:10

So sorry for your loss be gentle with yourself sending love to you and your family

Gardener246 · 22/07/2025 10:03

I've seen books online that explain things for children depending on their age.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/07/2025 09:54

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:20

My family and PILs are absolutely amazing. They have been, and continue to be so supportive and helpful. But they do have their own lives and families to contend with too.

So sorry for what you and your children are going through. Glad to hear your family and PILs are rallying round. There's some good practical advice on this thread. Wishing you all the best Flowers

NutmegsMum · 22/07/2025 09:36

I am just so sorry this is happening to you OP. It is so horrible and I can't even imagine how you're feeling. Massive hugs and thinking of you today.

pontipinemum · 22/07/2025 09:29

I am so so sorry for your loss. I honestly cannot imagine the pain. But lean on anyone that offers help. They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it x

TimeForATerf · 22/07/2025 08:58

I’m so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. In time it will ease, but for now there are lots of us thinking of you and sending our thoughts and prayers to you and your children.

GladiatoooorsReadyyyy · 22/07/2025 08:53

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself today. Take each day one step at a time, you can and will get through this ❤️

Squirrelsnut · 22/07/2025 08:40

You poor darling. I'm so, so sorry. ❤️ 💐

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 22/07/2025 08:33

@MoreThanOverwhelmed

I am so sorry for your loss.

Candleabra · 22/07/2025 08:24

So sorry. I was (am) a young widow too and it is a headfuck of the highest order. Lean on everyone, they are desperate to help you. Widowed and Young (WAY) is a charity offering a lot of support from other widows. I found it helpful practicality but also speaking to other people who just “get it”.

Lilactimes · 22/07/2025 08:19

elusiveemz · 07/06/2025 10:09

First of all, congratulations on the wedding. Less than ideal circumstances, but still a wonderful occasion to celebrate the love you have with each other.

Secondly, I am so so sorry that this is the situation you are in. It's horrible. It's unfair and it's cruel. Nothing anyone can say will change that.

But you will survive. You will get through it. Even if it doesn't feel like it at times. It will be hard. So hard. But you will be OK, and your children will be OK.

One of my best friends lost her husband in an accident just a few months after they got married. They had one child in y5 at the time. She's three years on now, and while she is of course still grieving her husband, she's also living again, and her son is in high school and doing well.

She told me that all she could do in those early days was get through the day hour by hour. When she went to bed, she would tell herself 'I've managed to get through a day', and at the end of the week she would 'celebrate' getting through the week by buying herself a fancy coffee, a new book - just tiny things to remind herself she was surviving and even when it felt thr world was falling in, she was still there, still holding it up.

I don't know if that's any help, but i know it helped her.

Make sure you are looking after yourself as well. You've just had surgery and you matter. Reach out for support, don't worry about feeling cheeky to call in favours and ask for help. Schools often have a family support or liason officer that at the very least will be able ton signpost you to help and put measures in place to support thr children in school.

Sending you lots of love

Dear @MoreThanOverwhelmed I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine you you must feel.
i thought I’d repost this from @elusiveemz as it echoes the words of others I know who’ve been through extreme grief. I hope it’s a little bit helpful for you to read these words again. Take small steps - these next few weeks you just need to get through… but it won’t always feel like it does today ❤️

Lean on your friends and parents they will want to help you, and also help you whilst you’re recovering physically from your operation.

sending lots of love xxx

Sabrinaspellman01 · 22/07/2025 08:18

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 21/07/2025 18:31

It was DH's funeral today.
I drank too much.
I've been sick.
My parents have taken DC for dinner.
I still feel sick.
I hate this.

Sending you and your children all the love in my heart ❤️

Bikergran · 22/07/2025 08:16

Just take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, grief never goes but it becomes easier to deal with. Love and support your children, take time for yourself. Don't be afraid to smile. Sending lots of love and hugs.