I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

I've only just found this and want to say how very sorry I am to hear about it. It's such a terrible thing to have happened to all of you. Everything will take time, be very patient with yourself. Sending you virtual hugs. x💐

Hi @MoreThanOverwhelmed I hope you’re doing ok. It sounds like your family are being really supportive and just not understanding that the commemoration would be too painful just now. Maybe in time you can figure out a way for them to celebrate your time together.

Im sure you’re still reeling from everything that you’re going through, and I hope you reach out to your loved ones to help you as much as they can.

Sending you strength and love

Sending you a hand-hold. I'm not surprised that your wedding date doesn't seem like the right one. From all you've said, your true anniversary to mark and remember is the day you met, when you were due to be married. It's very bittersweet because it's also going to be the anniversary of your husband dying. Perhaps in time you might want to mark your wedding anniversary on the day it actually happened, but don't let anyone push you into it.

I wish we could all wrap you in a hug. You have been through so much. 💚

I wish I could do more, but I send love and hope to you. We're here, in a corner of the internet scattered with people who are going through or have been through the situation you're in. That's proof that you can get through this, like many others have. Take it one hour at a time, rely on mcdonalds and screens and just get through it. You won't always feel like this, you will one day sit in the sun and feel peace.

You took your children out to eat, that’s way more than I managed at this stage. You’re honestly doing a lot better than you realise, don’t overthink it. It’s one minute/hour/day at a time, whatever you can manage and if you need to take yourself off to bed, that’s fine too. Your kids are safe and fed, time to take care of you.

I’m so sorry for your loss and sending so much love to you and your DC’s. As someone else said it will get easier and it’s totally ok if today isn’t that day, or tomorrow or the next or even the next few weeks or months. Feel all the emotions and let them come when they need to, lean on those around you and feel the love they have for you. One hour at a time ❤️

Sending you love. You are getting through the days as unimaginably hard as that is. It will get better.

Thinking of you - look after yourself and your precious children.

So sorry for your loss. My wife died five years ago last week leaving me with our three year old daughter.

It feel so tough right now but sounds like you have lots of support.

Five years on things are much better, I’m in a good place, our daughter is thriving, I can hear her right now laughing with her cousins.

All I would say is prioritise yourself where you can, give yourself a break, ask for help if you need it and don’t turn down opportunities to get out and about to take your mind off things.

life goes on and there is still lots of joy to be found. xx

It's still such early days @MoreThanOverwhelmed be kind to yourself, if you need to cry then do it. I hope you have kind people looking after you

You're hoping to not feel alone. You arent. You've your wonderful children, kind family. And everyone on here who heard your story is routing for your wellbeing.

This is horrible, it feels like it will always be horrible. But it wont. You will be ok, and its alright if its not today

So sorry for your loss.. and that the start of the school hols is difficult. Thinking of you and your DC. Glad to hear that you have family on hand

Those really.low days are going to happen and they're going to suck. I'm so sorry. The only good thing is that you're going through genuine tough emotions in real time, which is the best way to process them (as opposed to stuffing them down and always putting a smiling face on for instance), but that's of little comfort when things feel horrendous.

Have that huge cry. Is there something gentle and undemanding you can.do after, such as watching reruns of a fav TV show and baking some easy comfort food (cornflake cakes for instance).

Sending some love your way.

God, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation with 5yo twins, but a few months further on (DP died 20 December). It’s fucking shit, it really is—no two ways about it. I just wanted to say that you aren’t alone and that despite the crushing grief, you will carry on living and you will find that you are stronger and more capable than you thought. Your “animal self” will take over when you feel like you can’t go on, and you will get done what needs to be done. It doesn’t take away the awful fact that you have to live through it, and see your kids live through it, and that you’ve seen what you’ve seen, been through what you have etc, but it’s true. I don’t know what I’m trying to say really—just I see you, I’m there too, and so are so many others.

I’m sure others have mentioned this/you’ll already know (haven’t RTFT) but when you’re ready, you might find it helpful to get in touch with an organisation like Widowed and Young, and maybe in a couple of months to see if you can get a few sessions of grief counselling from MacMillan or the psychological support service at the hospital where your husband died (they often have one attached to oncology for this exact reason). I found this was really useful as an outlet to just tell the story and lay it all out, have a stream of consciousness about it without worrying about upsetting anyone.

Finally, don’t hide from the grief—just feel it. If you don’t, it will come out later and worse. People around you will be giving you a pass to be devastated right now, so use it and give yourself leave to be a mess—send the kids for a day out with their grandparents/whoever and just let it hit you. It is hellish, let it be hellish.

I’m so sorry. Really, I am. 💔

I’m so so sorry for your loss and what you’re going through @MoreThanOverwhelmed ..
it’s heart breaking.
Lean on everyone who’s offered support and just get through each day in small steps… if that means you all lying on the sofa watching tv eating crisps all day then this is ok.
sending hugs and love xx

This is so raw and so overwhelming for you. In my experience, at first every day is a bad day, then you gradually realise you have had some good moments, then hours and days. Over time there will be more good days than bad and it won’t feel like wading through treacle.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever works for you and take it a moment at a time. ❤️

Oh bless you. It's very very early days for you all. You are still reeling and yet having to cope with the summer holidays, which can be challenging - though fun too - at the best of times.

If it's not patronising, can I suggest that a simple routine (written down) is your friend? You don't have to stick to it, but it's there for when your head is pounding, or when you need some inspiration. The kids could even help to draw it up.

So buy bags of popcorn/popping corn and get a list of films you can watch this week. At least one a day. Next week, draw up a list for the following week.

Have a simple list of activities to do once a day: swimming, baking, picnics, etc

If you've got a local library, they often do holiday reading challenges, so add in some reading time each day, with sticker rewards if needed for them. And get some books/chocolates for yourself, so that when they read, you get to curl up with a good book too.

Meals- make a list together of favourite meals that the kids can help prepare: fajitas, meat or veg kebabs, home made burgers - all your favourites. . .

Duolingo. Can you all start learning a new language, and challenge yourselves . . .

B
And if that is patronising, ignore me and do what's right for yourselves! There's no right or wrong answers at a time like this.

Best of luck. . .

Sending hugs 😔😔😔

Oh gosh, I am so sorry. That is a big and horrible burden to carry on your shoulders and in your heart. I will pray for all of you day and night.

Accept all the help on offer OP. This is a shit time and just surviving each day is enough right now, If your parents offer to take your kids - let them. If people offer to do things for you - let them. You just take care of you and do what you need to do.
In time, counselling may help but right now you are probably way too raw and hurting too deeply.
All my love and prayers.

So very sorry for your loss , all that you have been through and all that you are going through. Love X