New grandparents to be. . . . .

Doesn't come off that way to me at all.

Not every post has to be negative, it's ok to post advice to others or express relief and share.

Lots of grandparents, don't help and are still very much loved and valued.

What's sad is knowing you'd only get to see grandkids if you offer to look after them.

As long as the involved parties are happy, that's all that matters.
Posting doesn't mean not being happy, everyone is allowed to post about all sorts.

We are 66, fit and healthy but don't do childcare for dh's 3 grandchildren. We retire at the end of the year but still won't be.

I think it is different for everyone when they become grandparents and ultimately decide whether they are able/can offer childcare or babysitting. I agree that you can underestimate your energy levels when you are older. That said I look after my DGS 3, I day a week collecting him early and dropping him back home after his dinner. I have him over night too every few weeks and have done so since he was 4 months old. I think that was the most tiring, when he was waking in the night for feeds. I still work full time compressing my hours into 4 days. I feel privileged to have spent that time with him and wouldn't swap it for anything.
I was 55 when my DGS was born and I am lucky I don't have any health conditions that would make this difficult, which I know not everyone is so fortunate.

It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself your way of being a grandma is the best way. If you were that happy with your arrangement and didn’t feel guilty or sad that you aren’t caring for your grandchild so much I don’t think you’d be posting here. Other grandmas have a wonderful time being more hands on, they aren’t wrong to enjoy that just as you aren’t wrong to not want to do it.

I could be writing this! Same happened to us.... MY DGS is now 3 and I love him lots and lots as I do my gorgeous DD.
So glad I only offered one day a week... It's such a pleasure if a little tiring but I thrive on it and he goes to nursery for the other 2 days that my Dd works.... Perfick!
Be warned new grandparents.... It's harder than it looks so don't take on too much. Xx

This is the thing, some GPs feel they can't say no as they may well be seen as redundant and not see the grandkids as much, if at all.

It's sad that a lot know deep down that if they weren't offering help, they'd not be bothered with.

I've had a few voice this, yet they won't mention it to their GC's parents.

A good relationship is being able to have quality time with the GC with no strings attached.

Two of my friends approaching 60 stopped working on Fridays, both to provide childcare.
I retired after 40 years of being ruled by school term dates. I wouldn't want to stop having term time holidays to provide childcare

I would have loved occasional help from family. Sadly my mama died. She would have loved my babies :-(

Totally agree. I was only 43 when my only grandchild was born,I'm now 61. I have a few health issues (osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis) but I managed to look after DGD at least once a week for a few hours, and had her for a couple of weekends when my DD and her husband went away, when DGD was about 2 or 3. But my health got progressively worse from when she was about 9 years old and I struggled to look after her for more than a couple of hours now and again. Now she's 18 and thankfully doesn't need a babysitter any more,which is just as well because I couldn't do it if you paid me!

My daughter lives 70 miles away so I can't do regular childcare. She is of the opinion that retired people shouldn't be expected to look after grandchildren. I lived 600 miles from family so had no childcare.
I was in to visit last week for a few weeks and found it exhaling even with her there - newborn and toddler. I'm quite relieved I don't have to do it every week.

My dd is already dropping hints and it’s for 4 years time (she’s a planner!)

I’m a childminder in my 60s . I regularly have three under 3s , sometimes 4. It’s not difficult. I don’t work full time but 8-9 hour days . I love it , we regularly have lovely walks , visits farms , beach etc .

I had my gd every weekend from birth and now Thursday to Sunday every week with often a Wednesday and a Sunday added (at least once a month, perhaps twice).

it’s hard, really hard. I’m late 40s and disabled, but no matter how hard it is i’ll do it over and over because she has made my life brighter and better.

But i also thought it would be easy, today forgetting that i’m not in my 20s and healthy. 😂

I won't be looking after any grandchildren at all.
Not knocking anyone else, nor the lovely times grandchildren have with their grandparents, it's just not for me and I didn't want my own (adult) children under any illusions.

I made many sacrifices for my own children to give them the best at the time, including forgoing my career and many other things. I've done it once, and to be truthful, I found it hard then.

It would be even harder now, what with aching joints and lack of energy. And besides that, I agree with pp that the woman's role shouldn't be an automatic 'look after everyone else' including their kids too. I've done all that already and worked hard for my freedom in retirement, which I'm really enjoying.
Not giving that up for anything, even grandchildren.

So basically women have children and look after them then have to look after grandchildren, so basically women's role in life is look after everyone else, they may be allowed to have a PT job if it fits in with what other people need

I have three friends who have done childcare for a decade (their older grandchildren are year 6) and they are tired. They did full time preschool years and now do before and after school and all
scbool runs. One had a brain haemorrhage a few years back, another lost her husband and the other has health issues. They also do childcare for other grandchildren at weekends/ holidays
to make things ‘fair’. They moan about it daily but feel there’s no choice as they think their children wouldn’t manage without them.

I know one of the daughter’s well and she will happily tell you that she’s glad her mum is fit, well and willing to do childcare. I think she probably knows she’s had enough but if she admits that to herself she’ll have to work hard herself to sort it.

We used to go to my grandparents after school 3 days a week when we were primary school aged. So c.3pm-6pm. It was a strict but loving routine of a little playtime with the dog outside, tea and cake, then settle down to do homework.

My baby's grandparents are 60's/ early 70's and don't struggle. They're very fit and active. Tbh i think childcare helps with that.

It's not for everyone and that's fine but I think just because some people don't want to provide childcare, we can't let that take away from grandparents who enjoy it and cope well.

i can believe it, I had dc in my early twenties and in my late thirties and the difference in my energy levels was unreal. I feel bad for ds because with dd I was racing her to the top of the climbing frame, running round playing tig, jumping on trampolines. Now I’m 48 and ds is 9 and I don’t have the energy to join in (I also have chronic pain due to osteoarthritis) Dd hopes to have a baby in the next couple years so I will be a young grandparent but I still will struggle with childcare for long days.

We have our doc full tunnel except for one day a week ! Yes it is tiring but oh so rewarding . When he starts school next year I’m not sure what I will do with my time . I must admit there are days though that I just want to sit down and have a tv day together which is lovely if he agrees !!

There is certainly an age difference to consider. My friend became a GM at 40 but that is the age some mothers are having their first child and if that child waits till they are 30+ to have children, those older first time mothers will be well into their 70s before they become themselves GM.

I look after my grandchildren regularly but am lucky that my daughter appreciates that it’s tiring and never takes any help for granted. We are very close as a family.

My mum has my nephew 2 days a week, she would never let on to his parents but she has found it hard going. All of her own kids are quiet studious types and then her first grandson turns out to be a very boisterous child, she wasn't really prepared for his level of energy because she'd never encountered it before. She loves him a lot but she's a bit relieved when he goes home in the evening.