Formal School Complaint - AIBU

He has a protected disability and autistic children are hugely likely to be bullied. The figures are stark. Autism means fight /flight often kicks in when under distress(it’s not something those with ASC can just switch off hence the diagnosis), many struggle with managing emotions( which again just can’t be switched off), many have black and white thinking particularly with right/ wrong scenarios(which again just can’t be switched off ), many struggle with expressing themselves and communication( which again just can’t be switched off), all have sensory difficulties…..

The school should have been aware of all this are absolutely in the wrong and need better autism training/ provision. I absolutely would complain. The National Autistic Society can be really helpful and I’d contact your county independent EHCP support provision.

Don’t you know it’s ok for other kids to abuse autistic kids. There’s not actually anything wrong with them. If they react to the abuse with an autistic shutdown then they’re just defiant so they need to be punished 🙄

Sure it’s absolutely fine to “suspend” the disabled kid for defiance. Probably because you think that’s the easiest option and it’s study leave anyway so you can probably do it without telling anyone and assuming the parents have no knowledge of the law.

FML 🙄

But they can show other pupils it’s ok to throw food at other children & gang up on them without consequence?
Clear.

There are no gaps in the CPD offered in my school. We complete regular “check ins” with staff and training is one of our standard questions. Whenever a concern is raised about CPD or lack of knowledge, we find room in the budget to address it.

FYI that we also ask about staff wellbeing in these check ins and try to support with any issues flagged there too.

I maintain that there is a worrying gap in knowledge with all the teachers jumping on this thread telling the OP that she is wrong to challenge this suspension (she is not - the law has not been followed here), and even worse, that her child should be punished for his “defiance” with no thought given to the reason why there is defiance (his autism which is a protected characteristic whether people like it or not).

I’m pleased to say that every CPOMs record I’ve read for an exclusion panel in my school has significant detail on the “why” of each behaviour logged, particularly in SEN children. Then a reasonable adjustment is attempted to reduce the likelihood of this happening again before suspension or exclusion is even considered.

Dont get me wrong - I’m not teacher bashing. I think it’s an incredibly difficult job and schools are severely underfunded. However, I am bashing people on this thread who are spouting unkind and untrue shit at an upset mum and justifying it by saying they’re a teacher so they know…..

I find this thread disturbing that so many people have a lack of understanding or empathy for Autism and how that might present in a conflict situation.

He wasn’t “opting out at will” he was in crisis mode caused by the fact that kids threw food at him and he (in his mind) got the blame.

The adults in this scenario did a bad job of de-escalating this situation and are now blaming ds.

Imagine being in a similar situation as an adult, you’d be pretty annoyed that swearing resulted in being sent away but throwing food was apparently fine.

Honestly, if the school handles this in a one sided way, then take further action.

In the UK, throwing food at someone — especially if done to cause upset — can be considered assault, regardless of whether the target is neurodiverse. However, if the person is neurodiverse and the act was done to intentionally cause them distress or exploit their condition, this can be considered an aggravating factor, potentially leading to harsher penalties.

Here’s how it breaks down legally:

1. Assault and Battery under UK law:

• Assault occurs when someone causes another person to fear immediate unlawful violence.
• Battery is the actual application of unlawful force to another person — this includes throwing an object (like food), even if it doesn’t cause injury.

So, if someone throws food at another person, that can legally count as battery.

2. Hate Crime and Aggravating Factors:

• If the act is motivated by hostility toward a person’s disability, including a neurodiverse condition (e.g. autism, ADHD), it can be treated as a hate crime under the Crime and Disorder Act 1998.
• Courts can impose more severe sentences if it’s proven that the offence was motivated by hostility or prejudice related to disability.

3. Harassment or Public Order Offence:

• If this was a repeated or targeted act, it could also fall under harassment laws or a public order offence (for threatening, abusive or insulting behaviour likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress).

As a teacher, and I’m not saying it’s the case here, but sometimes our hands are tied. Especially in cases of bullying and he said/she said accusations. Behaviour is largely uncontrolled in many schools, often because leadership don’t follow up on anything.

I frequently wonder why more parents don’t just go straight to the police after physical assaults.

I was once in a school where parents weren’t happy with how an incident of kicking was handled between 11 years olds. The parents went to the police. Both were actually nice families with nice kids, but the police were great. Went around and had a serious chat to the child and the family and then checked in on them every six weeks for six months. You can absolutely bet neither boys stepped out of line again and it had a flow on effect to other kids because they now knew that this really was a possibility.

As a teacher of 41 years, I sometimes feel like we would all be better off if more parents skipped the school procedures and went direct to the police. And yes, I know the police are overworked too, but maybe this could happen recent some longer term problems.

I disagree that teachers are lax in their CPD.

Schools/SLT are lax in not providing the type of CPD that is needed.

In this case de-escalation and and knowledge of autism (even though the saying is "once you have met a child with autism, you have met one child with autism").

As a governor maybe you could ask about the CPD curriculum for the school and organise some useful CPD.

Not being leery, you are in a position to do this.

What now, how quickly will this be resolved OP?

You forgot to keep your NC

I well understand the effects 0f autism thank you. It is not a free pass to do as ypu like and ignore authority in someone who has virtually attained adulthood

He didn't freeze though, OP said he communicated to the teachers that he was refusing to leave because the situation wasn't fair.

It's not the swearing that got him suspended, it is the defiance in nit following the teachers' orders

OP says that their child doesn't raise their voice. Other posters seem to be suggesting that the child was likely so agitated by the noise/confrontation that they couldn't have been expected to behave in a reasonable way. I don't see how both of these can be true, and expect that the actual version of events was somewhere in the middle.

I don't see why they can't both be true. OP's child may well have simply retreated into himself and done nothing, hence the fact that he didn't leave when told to . A "fight, flight or freeze" reaction is absolutely classic, and it sounds like he froze.

I’m glad to hear that you would punish your daughter if she ever breathed an unkind word against someone who was bullying her in public. Your brave stand against standing up for yourself is commendable.

So, the school expected him to sit there quietly while having g food thrown at him, OR more likely, they just wanted him to get up, lunch unfinished and leave so there was no fuss to deal with. Fuck that.

I’d tell people throwing food at me to fuck off as well.

If people were throwing food at me and laughing at me while I was trying to eat my lunch, I think I would probably tell them to fuck off. It isn't an unreasonable response imo.

The OP's ds should have done what the teachers told him to do, and I presume that his refusal to comply is the reason for the punishment. That's understandable, but some ND children do get very stuck if they perceive some sort of injustice. If the school didn't handle the issue in the way that had previously been agreed in his plan, then I think it's reasonable for the OP to complain about that.

You are wrong. SEN should be regarded.

I take you’ve never met a person with autism then. Of course they can refuse a direct instruction. Many present with PDA so entirely unreasonable for the teachers to have asked op’s son to leave. Teachers should have dealt with the people throwing food and then given a consequence for the ‘fuck off’ later when ops son had managed to recover from the incident and was not in front of everyone.

If OP hasn't received the relevant paperwork RE the suspension, then the suspension either doesn't exist or isn't valid. OP needs to take this up with the school. Anything to do with the other children isn't her concern.

I do have sympathy with the staff that tried to remove OP's child though. Situations like this are a minefield and if something feels like it's escalating, or that it might, saying "well this child can't handle confrontation so you shouldn't have tried to walk them out" might be accurate as far as paperwork goes, but that doesn't always reflect reality.

OP says that their child doesn't raise their voice. Other posters seem to be suggesting that the child was likely so agitated by the noise/confrontation that they couldn't have been expected to behave in a reasonable way. I don't see how both of these can be true, and expect that the actual version of events was somewhere in the middle.

It wasn't barefaced defiance. Please educate yourself on the effects of autism.

The fact that you gave no reasons for denying the analogy applied?

No, it isn't a different scenario. In effect the child in a wheelchair has, quite rightly, been permitted to opt out of comply with orders to stand. In the same way children with ASD may be permitted to opt out of other rules where their disability makes it impossible to supply. Of course in general they should comply with teachers' instructions, but in a situation such as this where their condition means that they were probably unaware of them and where they wold inevitably be in a state of severe distress, they should not be punished for failing to obey something they couldn't process or take in.

The trouble is that far too many teachers do try to advise parents when they don't know what they are talking about. For example, it happens only too often that teachers advise parents that their child doesn't meet the criteria for an EHC needs assessment when they very clearly do. Far too many seem to think it's OK to use a dedicated 1:1 supporter for other children in the class. A surprising number of teachers seem to think it is their job to advise on amendments to EHCPs also, when that is solely the job of the local authority.

I suspect they’re chancing the luck and hoping OP won’t know the law and I bet they haven’t logged anything.

OP - you should ask the school to confirm if your son has been suspended and if so, please can they share the statutory paperwork asap as you would like to proceed with your right to appeal to a Governor panel. I’ll put money on them backtracking and saying he’s not suspended…..

The point is that this is a child with ASD and a known difficulty in dealing with public confrontation. ASD is a social communication disorder in which pupils tend to have sensory problems so that being in a noisy crowded area is already stressful; they are likely also to have language processing problems and other associated difficulties. If they become dysregulated, as others have pointed out, they may go into fight or flight mode and find it impossible to take in anything that is going on around them.

So if a child with those difficulties suddenly finds himself the target of a major physical confrontation without any of the support he is supposed to receive, his chances of avoiding becoming overwhelmed and dysregulation are close to nil. In that situation the chances are that he didn't even hear anyone asking him to leave. You would not punish a deaf pupil for failing to follow an instruction they hadn't heard, I hope, and the same principle should apply here.