Formal School Complaint - AIBU

But this isn't about the lunch incident. You say there is lengthy and complex background to you complaining and this is the final straw.

Your son was asked to leave and he refused. Staff were attempting to diffuse the situation precisely in line with his formal plan. He was the one they were trying to move from confrontation. You have said yourself this is to his benefit.
He refused. It took 2 additional members of staff and he still refused.

Basic refusal to follow well judged instructions when nobody had told him he'd done anything wrong. And presumably a scene building up around that, not the swearing.

Suspensions are not made lightly. They take a lot of staff time. They are often the result of numerous "offences".
Your son was embroiled in a lunchtime spat and he obstructed staff attempts to manage that. What else?

I'm not sure you should be complaining to the school because that's reinforcing to him even further that teachers are there to do battle with rather than work with. That's what seems to have gone wrong.

Sorry, I respect your story is unique and difficult, but I work with this kind of nonsense every day and spend more time on it than I do on actual educating.
I realuze that's harsh. But equally it is true.
You have every right to complain but you also have a duty to parent.

A ND child refusing to obey teachers who are perceived to be meting out an unfair punishment is entirely logical to many ND children. Applying the same disciplinary rules to ND children in this situation without taking account of their (apparently well-evidenced and well-documented) reasonable adjustments is quite possibly disability discrimination.

If the parents of the other kids started a thread about their kids' actions and the school's reaction (which we don't know about and nor does the OP), I'd be commenting about that.

This is irrelevant to anything I've said

It's not just because of that, though, is it? It's for refusing to obey the teachers afterwards.

@Darkgreendarkbark do badly behaved kids tend to throw food at the popular kids, or at the disabled kids or the kids who are less popular?

kids are sometimes pricks.

kids who are just thoughtless pricks who do stupid things indiscriminately need a good telling off.

kids who target, or who are especially prickish towards, those they perceive as lower status or open to ridicule need the book thrown at them.

It's not appropriate language but again, given the context, he shouldn't have been suspended.

Going up up a student unprovoked and shouting fuck off in their race then yes a suspension would be appropriate.

But in response for having food thrown at you it isn't a surprising response.

Your son did nothing wrong. It’s not wrong to defend yourself against bullying behaviour.

I’d be very clear that you feel he is being treated less favourably because of his disability and you will have no hesitation to appeal to the SEND tribunal on grounds of alleged disability discrimination if they don’t have a rethink, that will get the cogs moving.

But it doesn’t sound like the school followed appropriate strategies to get him to leave. If he has an EHCP there should be a plan to de escalated him. Obviously swearing is not appropriate, but he was provoked, probably by kids that knew he would react that way.
Autism can cause sensitivity to touch so throwing food can feel more intense, plus it’s done to humiliate a vulnerable person.

As others have asked, how do you know about the other boys’ punishment, or lack thereof?

I wasn’t aware schools would share that info with the parents of the other party.

But if throwing food at someone is just being a prick.

So is telling that someone to fuck off equally just being as much of a prick.

if the situation is exactly how the OP reported as behaviour lead in a school it wouldn’t have been OPs son I’d have been reprimanding the harshest.

My ds is autistic. He would also have told them to fuck off - because he’s also human and they were effectively assaulting him.

He would also have refused to move because he has a real sense of justice and would have known every law to quote to show why what they were doing was common assault and they should have been the ones in trouble.

Luckily his school were hot on those who knew what buttons to press with him and those boys throwing food would have been punished for their actions as well as picking on the child with a disability.

I fundamentally disagree that "fuck off" is language that a school should tolerate.

(In case you'd like to join the queue of people who want to know if I think throwing food is ok, I refer you to my other posts)

(Though actually, I also disagree that teenagers throwing food is tantamount to an assault. It's just kids being pricks)

How do you know the other boys have not been punished?

I would expect there to be consequences for all involved. Swearing at other kids is not great but it’ll be the refusing to leave the situation that’s difficult.

No, but in context it was a perfectly reasonable reaction.

@Schoolproblemsagain does the canteen have CCTV? (My school does).

I'd be pointing out that your son was essentially assaulted and his language was in response to the assault. I'd be wanting those who threw the food to he suspended and his suspension lifted otherwise I'd take further action.

Yes, the school mismanaged the situation by getting into a confrontation where neither side would back down. If your DS needs to be punished it should be in a way that does not impact his exams. Eg banned from lunch hall. Hes effectively been suspended - i would bet they have not followed the suspension process?

Wow, I seem to be getting a lot of replies to my first post in this thread, which are in fact not replies to anything I said. I've covered this in subsequent posts.

Nowhere in that post did I say anything about what should, or shouldn't, happen to the others.

A complaint is the right way forward. They have clear stratagies relating to his EHCP so should be using them appropriately

They also can’t be having pupils throwing food at others, but those boys weren’t punished.

Whilst I do agree with this, you surely can't think it's ok to do NOTHING about the group who were throwing food and laughing at another pupil?! I'd be livid to be honest.

Also, they definitely would not be able to tell you whether the other kids were punished or not. I do agree they should be, however.

I also have a child with ASD but you can bet your bottom dollar if she so much as whispered “fuck off” under her breath at ANYONE at school, I would fully support them in punishing her!
An EHCP is not a get out of jail free card, nor is it a rule book for the school

So basically if the other boys hadn't been goading him, he wouldn't have told anyone to FO. Understandably, the teachers find this unacceptable, but deal with ALL involved and not just the one - who wouldn't have said it without provocation.
Quite right to challenge in the circumstances.

See above