Page 5 | DH and MIL go ahead without me?

oliviad1986 · 2025-06-06T16:22:25+00:00

Try to keep brief: DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go. i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:57

babystarsandmoon · 06/06/2025 17:52

It’s selfish and unpleasant behaviour to expect her husband to miss out on a birthday dinner.

Show quote history

Selfish and unpleasant ??? How so ? The OP and her partner decided to go out for dinner the day before his birthday and invited his Mum along. A babysitter was arranged which has now fallen there. These things happen when you have children. The simplest thing to do is to re-arrange when they can organise a babysitter.

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 17:57

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:54

Why should the OP be the person to stay at home when childcare arrangements for their children fell through? MIL can visit and they can get a take-away for dinner and look forward to the dinner out when they have child-care.

Why shouldn't she look after her own children so her DH can celebrate his birthday by spending some time with his mum?

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 17:56

Why can't he go for dinner with his mum?

tinyspiny · 06/06/2025 17:56

As you weren’t going on his actual birthday anyway I’d just change it to another day but then my husband wouldn’t want dinner out with just his mum

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/06/2025 17:56

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:54

Why should the OP be the person to stay at home when childcare arrangements for their children fell through? MIL can visit and they can get a take-away for dinner and look forward to the dinner out when they have child-care.

Because its her husbands birthday. They could have a meal out together another time together when mil or op's sister can babysit, which it sounds like both of them are willing to do, as well as her partner going for this meal.

diddl · 06/06/2025 17:55

MIL said that she and DH could still go.

And presumably your husband is OK with that?

Largestlegocollectionever · 06/06/2025 17:54

It would have been nice for her to say, I’ll babysit and you and dh go….. but I’d just remember this and not say anything!

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:54

Why should the OP be the person to stay at home when childcare arrangements for their children fell through? MIL can visit and they can get a take-away for dinner and look forward to the dinner out when they have child-care.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 06/06/2025 17:53

Well I hope he isn't hoping for dessert at home. Isn't it his dc also?
Whenever your birthday is make your own plans also.

babystarsandmoon · 06/06/2025 17:52

Summertimealready · 06/06/2025 17:48

I think that's really selfish , unpleasant behaviour.
Of course it should be rescheduled for when you can all go.
The celebration meal doesn't need to be on.his actual birthday.
It sounds like your MiL still thinks she is the most important woman in his life.
I would be very disappointed in my H if he didn't say that of course he wants you to be there for his birthday celebration.

Funny when I was young the " mother in law jokes " were a big thing. Poking nasty fun at the mother in law was normal. But it was always directed at the wife's mother.
On MN the way some husband's mothers behave is almost like a caricature of these old jokes because their behaviour is just so outrageous in their attitudes to their Daughters in Law.

It’s selfish and unpleasant behaviour to expect her husband to miss out on a birthday dinner.

thepariscrimefiles · 06/06/2025 17:51

If I were your MIL, I would offer to babysit so that you could both go out.

Endofyear · 06/06/2025 17:50

I'd be a bit disappointed to miss out on a nice meal but I'd tell DH and MIL to go, it's his birthday meal and his mum! Maybe arrange for her to have the kids another night so you and he can have a night out just the two of you?

SENNeeds2 · 06/06/2025 17:50

If I was m’n’law I would offer to baby sit … but why not just bring the baby? Or get another sitter?

babystarsandmoon · 06/06/2025 17:50

Of course they should go. Why should they miss out?

greenrainandyeetotal · 06/06/2025 17:49

Kissedbyfire1 · 06/06/2025 17:32

As a MiL, I would offer to babysit so that you and DH could go together. That’s how much I love my son.

Exactly that’s the scenario that makes sense if the baby isn’t able to join also

Summertimealready · 06/06/2025 17:48

I think that's really selfish , unpleasant behaviour.
Of course it should be rescheduled for when you can all go.
The celebration meal doesn't need to be on.his actual birthday.
It sounds like your MiL still thinks she is the most important woman in his life.
I would be very disappointed in my H if he didn't say that of course he wants you to be there for his birthday celebration.

Funny when I was young the " mother in law jokes " were a big thing. Poking nasty fun at the mother in law was normal. But it was always directed at the wife's mother.
On MN the way some husband's mothers behave is almost like a caricature of these old jokes because their behaviour is just so outrageous in their attitudes to their Daughters in Law.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/06/2025 17:47

I think yabu.

I would think nothing of going out with my mum and or sister to celebrate my birthday and my husband would happily look after the kids

You and husband could have another meal out when mil or your sister can babysit.

Original poster

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:43

No other potential babysitters as my parents are on holiday. She is our childcare one day a week and she does help us out with childcare on evenings on occasions that we have meals etc so now I’m thinking I am being a bit out of order thinking it

OP posts:

SabrinaSt · 06/06/2025 17:43

I wonder what the view would be if the situation were reversed - as in, a woman went out with just her Mum to celebrate her birthday. I don’t think most people would bat an eyelid.

crumblingschools · 06/06/2025 17:40

If MIL lives nearby then surely changing the date would be best.

Any other potential babysitters?

Ponderingwindow · 06/06/2025 17:39

I would be quite annoyed. Why would your husband go out with his mother for his birthday. If your sitter fell through I would expect either 1) mil to step in and babysit or 2) the birthday plans to adjust and become a family outing.

At no point would my husband leave me at home while he celebrated his birthday. That was actually the very final nail in the coffin of my marriage with my XH. If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with your spouse, it’s really not much of a marriage

GintyM · 06/06/2025 17:39

Totally get why you feel a bit put out—it's a place you were all excited to try and now you're being sidelined. You're not being unreasonable to feel that way. Maybe suggest rearranging for a time you can go too—it’s DH’s birthday, but it's also a rare treat you were looking forward to as a couple.

ginasevern · 06/06/2025 17:39

I'd be pissed off too. If I was MIL I would reschedule the whole thing. I wouldn't dream of leaving my DIL out. But really the decision is down to your DH, not your MIL.

Hatty65 · 06/06/2025 17:39

I think it's a shame for him to have to sit indoors on his birthday when he could go out for the planned meal.

Why has your sister let you down, fairly last minute? Is there anyone else you can ask?

Ponoka7 · 06/06/2025 17:38

Is there a reason why his Mother can't babysit? Can you afford it another night, or is it slightly out of your price range?