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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and MIL go ahead without me?

136 replies

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:22

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

OP posts:
MoominMai · 06/06/2025 18:13

Well personally I’d hope DH would want me as the wife to celebrate the evening with him and the MIL to offer to babysit! No offence but MIL I assume had shared all his birthdays with him previously but now he’s someone’s husband! Yes great if she could be part of it but in case of difficulties like this, why doesn’t she just let her now adult son spend the evening with his wife and mother of his child. Sorry I’d be v annoyed personally.

Fuzziduck · 06/06/2025 18:12

My Mil would offer to babysit.
I think we’d reschedule if not sitter was forthcoming, and get a nice takeaway (oh would want me there).

Merrygoround8 · 06/06/2025 18:11

In this case I would expect to rearrange or actually for MIL to offer to babysit so her son can go out with his wife on his birthday?!

Is that not what he would prefer…..?

crumblingschools · 06/06/2025 18:11

@saraclara it sounded like they invited MIL and then she offered to pay, so slightly different from MIL offering the meal in the first place

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yeah, what an awful woman offering to take her son out for dinner.

MathNotMathing · 06/06/2025 18:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:10

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/06/2025 18:10

Of course he can but I think that’s what’s making the op second guess it however.

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But it's his mums' treat. Of course she needs to be there - so she can pay!

OP can treat him another time.

CurlewKate · 06/06/2025 18:10

Ponoka7 · 06/06/2025 17:38

Is there a reason why his Mother can't babysit? Can you afford it another night, or is it slightly out of your price range?

Because it’s her birthday?

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/06/2025 18:10

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:09

And he was free to object if he wasn't happy.

I really don't understand what the issue is. He can go with his mum on his birthday and with OP another day...

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Of course he can but I think that’s what’s making the op second guess it however.

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:09

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/06/2025 18:05

But he didn’t decide. His mother decided. We don’t actually know the dh’s preference. It’s just been stated as fact by his mother that him and her will still be going. No discussion just fact.

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And he was free to object if he wasn't happy.

I really don't understand what the issue is. He can go with his mum on his birthday and with OP another day...

pictoosh · 06/06/2025 18:08

Seems fine to me. I wouldn't mind this at all.

He can have a birthday dinner out with his mum, absolutely.

saraclara · 06/06/2025 18:07

This is tricky, because the meal is his mum's treat for his birthday. It's not like you all decided to go on an equal footing.

I'd still find it odd not be with with my DH on his birthday though. In her position I think I'd offer him the treat meal on an alternative day and let you two go out.

WallaceinAnderland · 06/06/2025 18:06

I would either reschedule or you go with DH and MIL babysits. He can take his mum there for her birthday.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/06/2025 18:06

Whatado · 06/06/2025 18:02

Because it's her husbands birthday and its his mother.

If our baby sitter fell through I would expect my DH to stay home and I would go with my family.

When we got a baby sitter next we would celebrate together.

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Me too...I really cant see why some people would have an issue with this

Especially since op admits her sister will babysit another time, and mil also babysits so would likely facilitate them going out another time.

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/06/2025 18:05

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:04

And he can arrange to go with his wife another time too.

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But he didn’t decide. His mother decided. We don’t actually know the dh’s preference. It’s just been stated as fact by his mother that him and her will still be going. No discussion just fact.

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:04

Summertimealready · 06/06/2025 18:02

They can rearrange the meal for another time.
How is he missing out?
He's supposed to be an adult isn't he?

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And he can arrange to go with his wife another time too.

Summertimealready · 06/06/2025 18:02

babystarsandmoon · 06/06/2025 17:52

It’s selfish and unpleasant behaviour to expect her husband to miss out on a birthday dinner.

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They can rearrange the meal for another time.
How is he missing out?
He's supposed to be an adult isn't he?

Whatado · 06/06/2025 18:02

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:54

Why should the OP be the person to stay at home when childcare arrangements for their children fell through? MIL can visit and they can get a take-away for dinner and look forward to the dinner out when they have child-care.

Because it's her husbands birthday and its his mother.

If our baby sitter fell through I would expect my DH to stay home and I would go with my family.

When we got a baby sitter next we would celebrate together.

UndermyShoeJoe · 06/06/2025 18:01

I think the issue is it’s been stated as fact by mil with zero discussion. In a very much mum says like his a child and she’s planning his birthday (id say the same if it was his dad)

Really your dh should have been the one to decide what plan he wanted to do for his celebration meal. Not someone else.

If it was my meal I’d of rearranged for another time. If it was my child I’d of offered to watch the grandbaby.

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 06/06/2025 18:01

@oliviad1986 what does your husband actually want? That’s what matters the most here. I’d be a bit annoyed too but I also know that DH would want me there if it was for his birthday and a place we’d discussed and were excited about trying together.

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:00

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:58

Can’t he celebrate it another time ? It would be nice to think he would like his partner to be with him for his birthday dinner.

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By that logic, can't he celebrate with his wife another time too?

Dearg · 06/06/2025 18:00

Cards on the table, I really did not like my MIL, but she was the one that carried him, gave birth, and despite her own personality, managed to bring him up to be a decent human being, so, if it were me, I would let them go together happily.

Then I would ensure that DH & I went out without MIL, to somewhere I fancied.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/06/2025 17:59

Ponderingwindow · 06/06/2025 17:39

I would be quite annoyed. Why would your husband go out with his mother for his birthday. If your sitter fell through I would expect either 1) mil to step in and babysit or 2) the birthday plans to adjust and become a family outing.

At no point would my husband leave me at home while he celebrated his birthday. That was actually the very final nail in the coffin of my marriage with my XH. If you don’t want to celebrate your birthday with your spouse, it’s really not much of a marriage

I dont agree with this.

I have been married happily for 18 years and when our children were smaller, we both had nights out with friends for birthdays whilst the other stayed home with the kids.

Not celebrating birthdays together has certainly not indicated an issue in our marriage, it showed each other that we were happy for the other to do something they would enjoy and their spouse enable that to happen by staying home with the kids.

Dollshousedolly · 06/06/2025 17:58

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 17:57

Why shouldn't she look after her own children so her DH can celebrate his birthday by spending some time with his mum?

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Can’t he celebrate it another time ? It would be nice to think he would like his partner to be with him for his birthday dinner.

Dinosweetpea · 06/06/2025 17:58

YANBU MIL should definitely offer to babysit! Mine would, but then my husband wouldn't dream of leaving me at home either!

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