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Original poster

DH and MIL go ahead without me?

136 replies

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:22

Try to keep brief:

DH birthday on Sunday. New steak place opened up near us a few months ago and we said MIL would enjoy as she likes steak, none of us have yet been but I would love to go too, quite fancy place. Anyway we arranged for 3 of us to go out to celebrate birthday Saturday eve with my sister babysitting. MIL said it would be her treat. Sister can no longer babysit and MIL said that she and DH could still go.

i don’t know why but i feel like a bit annoyed. It’s somewhere we wouldn’t go to often and could rearrange when my sister could do but then again I also feel like maybe I ABU and should just say two of them to go?

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 06/06/2025 19:23

Ooh - this is a tricky one. It sounds like MIL really wants to
go! The most obvious reaction would be for her to offer to sit out and babysit - but it being her treat muddies that a little as obviously she wanted to try the place. Assuming you get on well otherwise, I think I’d be gracious and say “yes - you go - it looks fantastic. If it’s good, can we ask you to babysit so that I can go with DH another night “. Then your DH gets a birthday treat and you get a childfree night?

TiredMame · 06/06/2025 19:16

My dh would reschedule on his own! He wouldn’t want me to miss out. Your mil is bad to not offer that you go

CountryQueen · 06/06/2025 19:13

When you’re the MIL and your DIL gets pissed off because she begrudges your son going for a meal with you, remember, that was you once

Cucy · 06/06/2025 19:11

YABU

Why should DH miss out on his birthday meal just because you can’t go.
That’s really selfish of you.

Why can’t you just go in a couple of weeks time with your sister or something.

MammaDia · 06/06/2025 19:05

Our parents would all offer to babysit and still offer to pay for us to to go.

I'd find it odd to be at home while my husband went out with his mum to celebrate his birthday.

We'd probably just change it to a lunch booking so we could take our child and also MIL too though.

diddl · 06/06/2025 19:04

It reads to me that husband & Op decided to go out & invite MIL as well.

Looking at it that way I think it would be nice of MIL to drop out & let Op & her husband go.

However by offering to pay, MIL has made it her treat to her son in which case Op should drop out I think.

However if MIL hasn't offered to babysit then Op & her husband going at that time isn't an option.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/06/2025 19:03

MIL is paying so she has decided it is going ahead. Change the date and she may decide not to pay ?

onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:59

Runmybathforme · 06/06/2025 18:50

His Mum can treat him another time. I’m a MIL, I would babysit so you could go.

But by that logic, OP can celebrate with him at another time too, can't she?

Redpeach · 06/06/2025 18:55

I agree op, its a bit mean

Radra · 06/06/2025 18:53

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 17:43

No other potential babysitters as my parents are on holiday. She is our childcare one day a week and she does help us out with childcare on evenings on occasions that we have meals etc so now I’m thinking I am being a bit out of order thinking it

So I think it is unreasonable to expect someone to do a lot for you but not to be part of your celebrations and good times.

Some of the other posts about how a good MIL would know her place and do babysitting rather than enjoy an evening out with her son make me a bit uncomfortable. Like the idea is that MILs should be like Cinderella.

Runmybathforme · 06/06/2025 18:50

His Mum can treat him another time. I’m a MIL, I would babysit so you could go.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2025 18:46

As the thread goes on it sounds like your MIL does an awful lot for you, so perhaps is ‘owed’ this

Daisy12Maisie · 06/06/2025 18:44

I think that is fine especially as she helps with childcare at other times and babysits so you can go out for the occasional meal. As she is paying for this one at least it doesn’t come out of the family budget so hopefully you and dh can go out for a meal in a week or so and ask her to babysit. Then you can pay for that meal for a belated birthday treat.
You can go out with him another night whereas I doubt he would make plans to go out for dinner with his mum another night.
Get yourself a nice meal in though. For example your own steak or a fancy ready meal/ dine in meal from m and s or Waitrose.

I think you are being completely reasonable to feel a bit upset but I also think it’s quite sad if she can’t go out for a meal with her son but it’s fine for her to babysit and do childcare. This would be a nice little treat as she does help out as well.

Radra · 06/06/2025 18:40

I bet if it was a woman going out for dinner with her mum, there wouldn't be nearly as many negative comments.

I wouldn't have an issue with MiL and DH going in this situation.

She gave birth to him, in many ways his birthday is a bigger deal for her than his wife.

Createausername1970 · 06/06/2025 18:38

It's DH's birthday. What does he want to do?

I wouldn't have minded if this situation arose, I would have encouraged my DH to go with MIL and then arrange to go out just the two of us another time.

MIL is paying for this meal, which was nice of her to offer. Originally you would have been paying for a meal for three until she offered to pay, now you will only pay for two if you go another time with DH.

Plus if you go another time it's just the two of you, no MIL.

So win-win all round.

Original poster
oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 18:37

DH was sort of waiting for my reaction. I think he would go if I said I am fine with that. My sister had to reschedule as my nephew has chicken pox, which is understandable.

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMe · 06/06/2025 18:36

As a MIL my first suggestion would have been ‘you two go, my treat, and I will watch the children’.

Original poster
oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 18:36

Pre baby number 3 we would go out a lot and MIL would babysit but not recently where the baby is only 6mo

OP posts:
Silsatrip · 06/06/2025 18:32

I would want to reschedule for when you can all go.
Uanbu

BlueMum16 · 06/06/2025 18:31

oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 18:27

thanks for all replies, good to hear different perspectives. We have 2 year old twins and a 6 month old so I definitely would not want to take them to a fancy steak place at 7.30. They would be carnage!

What was DH reaction?

crumblingschools · 06/06/2025 18:29

@oliviad1986 do you get out often?

Original poster
oliviad1986 · 06/06/2025 18:27

thanks for all replies, good to hear different perspectives. We have 2 year old twins and a 6 month old so I definitely would not want to take them to a fancy steak place at 7.30. They would be carnage!

OP posts:
onmywaytowonderland · 06/06/2025 18:27

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arethereanyleftatall · 06/06/2025 18:25

What do you mean by ‘no other babysitters available’ ? Do you actually mean that, or do you mean you don’t want to pay/not comfortable with one?

for me, this would be a non problem as id just organise a different sitter using babysitting.com or whatever

MathNotMathing · 06/06/2025 18:23

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